vicky1125 Blog

I met him Saturday at a good friend's house. He's her cousin actually and I'm pretty close with her family; so close that her daughter calls me Aunt.

He's HOT. He's the type I went for before my ExH. Short hair, sick body, and LOTS of ink. He's the type my family would disapprove of which would only make me want him more.

My friend and her sister have both given me their blessing. This could go bad but he's so hard to resist.

What's a girl to do?

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I think I'm getting a little too comfortable with this whole being single business.

While I do miss having a warm body next to me at night, I don't want just any warm body.

My mother worries that I'll get too comfortable and set in my ways and refuse to ever marry again. I tell her not to worry cause my best friend and I have decided that if neither one of us has anything going on in 3 years, we'll just have kids together. Did I mention he was the best man at my wedding and also ExH's best friend?

At the rate these men are going, I'd rather be single than deal with any of their bs. Not to say that I don't have my own bs, I'd just like to think that I have less than them.

It's going to be a loooooong summer.

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and it has not been a great year so far. Nothing bad has happened (knock on wood), I'm just more confused now than ever.

Or maybe I'm not confused.
Maybe I'm just afraid to let go.

What if I'll never love anyone that much again? Or has this person been in front me of all along but the timing is way off and there's just too many complications. Short of us running away to N. Korea right now would make it impossible to be together.

Why can't my life not be complicated just this one time.

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2011 is going to be a great year, I can feel it.

Either that or I've convinced myself that it can't get any worse. Either way, something has to give.

Have a happy and healthy New Year everyone!

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I'm beginning to think my family and friends hate me. This is, of course, only based on the men they have tried to hook me up with.

I'm not even sure where to begin with the list of men that were completely wrong for me. It's almost as if they don't even know me and I'm just some random person they're trying to set up. It has to be a cruel joke at this point.

Here is the list of "eligible" bachelors I've been set up with:

-the guy who believed in zombies (no, I'm not kidding)

-the guy who goes to work only to come home and smoke pot for the rest of the evening (mind you, he's 37 or 38 and has never been close to marriage)

-the 2 OBT's (I love my culture but I need someone a little more Americanized)

-the dentist who disappears for weeks/months at a time due to taking his boards (please don't call me until you're ready to date)

-the questionable past future doctor who might have a kid (much confusion there)

-the real estate broker who's not quite done partying

-the guy who couldn't close the deal

-the guy who's been e-mailing me on fb for 3 months and has yet to ask me for my number

I'm sure there's more but I've tried hard to forget them.

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All. The. Time. But not for more then 2 minutes cause I don't let myself.

I hate the holidays. I wanna sleep right thru New Year's, but I won't. My friends won't let me.

I'm not dating anyone nor do I want to. I'm not interested in anyone cause no one can hold my attention for more then 2 dates. Plus, things got complicated over Thanksgiving/my b-day weekend.

I'm counting down to the end of this year in hopes that the next one will be better.

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I'm sick of all the men in my life. Literally, all of them. I have everyone from my past trying to get back in, from ex bf's to past lovers and everyone in between. I'm tired of the let downs and disappointments.

I hate that our divorce is taking this long. It's uncontested, write up the paper work and have us sign it, what's the problem? I just want to put my SBTX and our "marriage" behind me.

I saw him the other day. I don't recognize him. He's someone else all together. It's weird. I felt nothing. My heart hurts from the pain that he's caused but I don't miss him at all. If he was on his knees begging for me I wouldn't go back to him.

I don't know how I'm going to trust anyone again.

On the bright side, everyone who sees me says I look great. My cousin saw me the other day and told me I'm glowing. And I'm thinking about going back for my M.S. since I won't be starting a family anytime soon and have been thinking about it for a while. Not that I need my Master's but I might as well do it just cause I can.

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but not near enough. I just want this done and over with. We've decided to go straight for divorce, skipping the one year separation. I want to go on with my life.

I have so many questions I'll never get answers to. Whatever answers he will give me will be fake ones, I can't actually expect him to tell me what I already know - that he's a coward.

Everytime I get a text or email from him (all business, divorce related) my stomach drops. I hate this feeling. I just want him out of my life.

To make matters worse, July 31 is my cousin's wedding. Barely anyone knows of the mess that is my life right now. This should be fun. Did I mention my cousin is using the same photog I used?

And then there's L. The new man in my life who wants nothing more then for me to be happy. But I don't see this going far.

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After almost 4 1/2 years together, living together for almost 3, and a year of marriage we're filing for legal separation.

If someone would have told me that this would be me at 25 I would never believe them. I would do it all over again if given the chance though. The things I learned about myself and experience I've gained are priceless.

My heart mostly breaks for the broken promises that will never be. At least I can say I gave it my all.

There's no going back for me now.

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