Bypassing Mother's Day...

Bella will be well on her way to her 2nd b-day for my second mother's day and I really want NO part of the day. Maybe when she is older and gets it I will bend, but while she is young and unaware I don't think I should have to do it.

I don't speak to my mother and the day and everything that goes with it is very raw for me.

I feel forced to act like it's a big day for me...

...and I want to tell DH that I want to skip it but I know he will freak (he and I had major problems last year because he went to a bachelor party in Vegas on Mother's Day weekend and it was just the thing that sent me spiraling...and took me a long time to get over.)

What would you do?

Re: Bypassing Mother's Day...

I would try and forget about your mom and focus on you being Bella's mom.

It is a special day for you and you deserve it.

Don't let your mom get in the way of you sharing a very special day with your daughter.

I know it is harder said then done

Re: Bypassing Mother's Day...

Well, honestly, if you don't want to do it, then your wishes should be respected. While Mother's Day is a nice way for moms to be recognized, there's no rule stating that you have to celebrate it.

Re: Bypassing Mother's Day...

My mom is in a nursing home type of facility due to her mental illness. While I know my situation is not like yours, I feel estranged from my mother. Gracie's birthday is on May 10, just a few days before mother's day. Here is how I feel about it and I hope this will help with your decision.

I feel that I get one chance to break the cycle of manipulative, destructive behavior that my great grandmother, grandmother and my mother have done to their daughters in the family. It stops with me.
What I choose to focus on I know I will receive so I choose to focus on being Grace's mom. What that means to me is having every mothers day (weather she gets it or not) be my time with my DH and her. If my MIL, my mother or anyone else feels they need to tell me how I should spend mother's day, I will politely tell them that this is our family day and it will be respected. If we choose to have people over we will do that if not, not. I just want the day to be us taking Grace to the beach, park, or out to lunch. Just us spending time together as a family and me cherishing every moment of that time.

Kelly, you know the situation with my mom and my heart. I do not want to waste a day of my life not celebrating my connection with my daughter because my mother is messed up. If I do that then, she wins and the cycle starts again.
They best thing I feel I can do on mother's day is feel the feelings of loss, sadness, disappointment and grief. Cry alone for five minutes and then be grateful that I have the rest of the day to enjoy my daughter and truly enjoy mother's day.

Your mother has taken so much from you, do not let her steal the joy of being with Bella and your DH. I am so sorry you and your sister had to go through what you did with your mom. But I am sure one serendipity out of it all was that you and your sis are super close because of it, like my brother and I are today.

It is a hard decision. I am here if you want to talk.

Message edited 2/26/2007 6:25:37 PM.

Re: Bypassing Mother's Day...

I think that you should do whatever it is that YOU want to do on Mother's Day.

My only thought is this - you should celebrate what a great mom you are to Bella. It doesn't have to be about your mom anymore! This can be something great between the two of you! This is the time to make new and great memories - and if that means staying in bed all day with Bella then that's what you should do!

Re: Bypassing Mother's Day...

Posted by dandr10199

My mom is in a nursing home type of facility due to her mental illness. While I know my situation is not like yours, I feel estranged from my mother. Gracie's birthday is on May 10, just a few days before mother's day. Here is how I feel about it and I hope this will help with your decision.

I feel that I get one chance to break the cycle of manipulative, destructive behavior that my great grandmother, grandmother and my mother have done to their daughters in the family. It stops with me.
What I choose to focus on I know I will receive so I choose to focus on being Grace's mom. What that means to me is having every mothers day (weather she gets it or not) be my time with my DH and her. If my MIL, my mother or anyone else feels they need to tell me how I should spend mother's day, I will politely tell them that this is our family day and it will be respected. If we choose to have people over we will do that if not, not. I just want the day to be us taking Grace to the beach, park, or out to lunch. Just us spending time together as a family and me cherishing every moment of that time.

Kelly, you know the situation with my mom and my heart. I do not want to waste a day of my life not celebrating my connection with my daughter because my mother is messed up. If I do that then, she wins and the cycle starts again.
They best thing I feel I can do on mother's day is feel the feelings of loss, sadness, disappointment and grief. Cry alone for five minutes and then be grateful that I have the rest of the day to enjoy my daughter and truly enjoy mother's day.

Your mother has taken so much from you, do not let her steal the joy of being with Bella and your DH. I am so sorry you and your sister had to go through what you did with your mom. But I am sure one serendipity out of it all was that you and your sis are super close because of it, like my brother and I are today.

It is a hard decision. I am here if you want to talk.

Re: Bypassing Mother's Day...

I think you should do what feels best for you. YOU'RE the mother after all.

I want nothing to do with mother's day now that my own mother is gone. I always thought I'd feel differently when I'm a mom but maybe not...

Re: Bypassing Mother's Day...

I've felt this way for the past 4 years... this will be the first mother's day that I'm a mom and I plan on celebrating it by remembering my mom and being thankful for my babies. Hope that you can find solace in celebrating your role as mom with your little one

Re: Bypassing Mother's Day...

Until I had my son I stayed in bed on Mothers day. Having my son has given me a reason to celebrate the day. This year I will have 2 babies and we plan to spend it as a family and actually celebrate.

You are a mommy now and deserve to be celebrated. It doesn't have to be about your mom it should be about you.

Re: Bypassing Mother's Day...

Posted by 5ofClubs

I would try and forget about your mom and focus on you being Bella's mom.

It is a special day for you and you deserve it.

Don't let your mom get in the way of you sharing a very special day with your daughter.

I know it is harder said then done