How do you deal with cancer?

My dad was recently diagnosed with bladder cancer and at this point the diagnosis is not complete as he is still doing testing, but he is showing signs in the colon, lungs and lymph nodes. My gut is telling me this is not good and I feel the worst is going to happen in a very short time.

I can't even begin to beleive that this is real.

Re: How do you deal with cancer?

My mother was diagnosed with cancer last August (two months before I got married, thankfully she is in remission now) and the only advice I can really offer is to take it one day at a time. Each day may end up being a new challenge and we can only take them as they come.

Re: How do you deal with cancer?

everyone deals differently but make sure someone is always with your dad at his appointments. it helps to have more than 2 ears when you're hearing what's going on. good luck to you and your family. i'm sorry you have to go through this.

Re: How do you deal with cancer?

My sister was diagnosed with Bladder cancer 2 years ago. She in now 44. Fortunately she caught her's before it spread but has been in and out of remission .SHe is on chemo in intervals.So far this past year she has stayed in remission and hopefully can stop the chemo. I don't know a whole lot about it but I am sending you many hugs and prayers
I just try to be there for her if she feels like talking, which she doesn't talk to me much at all. She does know I'm always here for her.

I also lost my Dad to Colon Cancer almost 9 years ago. IF you ever need to talk you can always FM me

Message edited 8/2/2007 5:52:04 PM.

Re: How do you deal with cancer?

I try to stay positive and keep an amazing support time around me. Take it one day at a time and cry when you need to but don't let the emotions take over you

If you need to talk I am here as a cancer patient myself.

Re: How do you deal with cancer?

Message edited 1/30/2009 10:45:41 AM.

Re: How do you deal with cancer?

Thanks everyone. Since my original post things have progressed so fast and the oncologist came into my dads room last night to tell him that he has Stage 4 metasticized bladder cancer...it is in his abdomen, his lungs, and still waiting for the results of the bone scan.

He has heart problems (had quadruple bypass 7 years ago) and is diabetic. Plus his kidneys are not fully functioning. So the doc wants to start chemo immediately, but all of this is pending on controlling the bleeding from the tumor removal as well has having the kidneys function better. Best case scenario is that they are telling him 12-15 monhts.

Im in utter shock. This isn't how it is supposed to be. He is only 61 years old and now will not see his grandkids grow up and will never even know my brothers children when he and his wife decide to start a family.

I mean this is crazy...literally three weeks ago he had a little urine in his blood and went to the doctor and now we are taling about pallative care since there is no chance of a cure. It breaks my heart to know that he wont be here to see my children grown up and take them to disney world. And my poor mom...she will be alone. They recently bought a home in Flordai where they have been golfing, enjoying great friends, and now this gets dropped on us. I'm beside myself and wonder how do I continue to be happy when I know that every day is one day closer to my dad being gone. I don't know which is better, knowing your are going to die or it just happening suddenly. I just feel like we are going to live in pain until the dreaded day. I know every time the phone rings I will thing "Is this the call I don't want to get?"

It is so unnreal to me that we will have holidays without him and life will go on.

Message edited 8/8/2007 9:27:13 AM.

Re: How do you deal with cancer?

It is very hard to deal with a loved one who has cancer. My Mom was diagnosed with esophagal cancer, spread throughout her body, within 7 months , almost 3 yrs ago, you have to be very strong for your dad, and take it one day at a time, and make everyday with him a very special day.

Re: How do you deal with cancer?

My father beat stage 3 pancreatic cancer and may now have early stage lung cancer. Everyone deals with it in there own way, I was just around for him to talk as much as possible, and he was also very good about letting my sisters and I make decisions for him as far as his treatment...

Very sorry about your father!

Re: How do you deal with cancer?

My mom has had ovarian cancer twice in the past two years. She lives alone, and the biggest thing really is that she needed someone to talk to. Even if it wasn't about her treatment - she just needed to be around someone who loved her and whose company made her feel more like herself. So I make sure to call her every day, usually 2 or 3 times a day, and to go over for dinner or just to hang out and watch tv a few times a week. And when she cries, I don't tell her to stop, I hear her out and try to DO something that will make her feel better - call her doctor to get a question answered, take her out for coffee or a movie to get her out of the house, find web sites on the internet about nutrition/diet tips to make her feel better...

I know how hard it is to have a parent with cancer. I hope the best for you and your family.

Re: How do you deal with cancer?

my mother passed of breast cancer. it was hard - no way did I believe that this could happen to my invincible mother, the most healthy, workout savvy person I know.

I don't think there's any one trick to help. Just be there for your dad. And enjoy every second with him.

Re: How do you deal with cancer?

Posted by ddunne2

Thanks everyone. Since my original post things have progressed so fast and the oncologist came into my dads room last night to tell him that he has Stage 4 metasticized bladder cancer...it is in his abdomen, his lungs, and still waiting for the results of the bone scan.

He has heart problems (had quadruple bypass 7 years ago) and is diabetic. Plus his kidneys are not fully functioning. So the doc wants to start chemo immediately, but all of this is pending on controlling the bleeding from the tumor removal as well has having the kidneys function better. Best case scenario is that they are telling him 12-15 monhts.

Im in utter shock. This isn't how it is supposed to be. He is only 61 years old and now will not see his grandkids grow up and will never even know my brothers children when he and his wife decide to start a family.

I mean this is crazy...literally three weeks ago he had a little urine in his blood and went to the doctor and now we are taling about pallative care since there is no chance of a cure. It breaks my heart to know that he wont be here to see my children grown up and take them to disney world. And my poor mom...she will be alone. They recently bought a home in Flordai where they have been golfing, enjoying great friends, and now this gets dropped on us. I'm beside myself and wonder how do I continue to be happy when I know that every day is one day closer to my dad being gone. I don't know which is better, knowing your are going to die or it just happening suddenly. I just feel like we are going to live in pain until the dreaded day. I know every time the phone rings I will thing "Is this the call I don't want to get?"

It is so unnreal to me that we will have holidays without him and life will go on.

Re: How do you deal with cancer?

I'm sorry that you keep getting bad news. stay strong for him and just spend as much time as you can..make sure you tell him everything you want to tell him.

Re: How do you deal with cancer?

I am sorry you are going through this. I lost my MIL to cancer a few months ago. We didn't deal very well with the initial diagnosis, we were in denial.

Have you thought about any support groups? You local hospital social work department should have a list of support groups.

Message edited 8/24/2007 5:45:07 PM.

Re: How do you deal with cancer?

Cancer is not a death sentence.

People don't die of cancer. THey live with cancer.