Is This Normal

I just wrote this whole thing explaining my problem and when I went to post it said I wasn't logged in... but I was. Let me try again...

In the last 6 years I have lost lots of people, I think it's like 8. Three of them I was particularly close to. One died July 10, 2001 when he was hit by a drunk driver. Another died a year and 20 days after him (5 years ago today) when he crashed his motocycle, and my other friend fell asleep driving back to college on April 7, 2005.

I felt like I handled it well when each one happened. But as time is going on I cry more and more and I have breakdowns from it. Now I'm starting to think that I never really handled it in the first place. Also with the birth of my daughter 8 months ago and my wedding 3 months away it's been getting worse. It makes me so sad knowing that my friends should be getting married and having babies too and they aren't here. They aren't here to see my daughter or watch me get married like I always thought they'd be.

I don't talk to my friends about this because they were friends with them too and I don't want to upset them if they've learned to move on. Does anyone else have this problem? I thought it was supposed to get easier as time went on.

Re: Is This Normal

i'm starting to think whoever came up with the "it gets easier as time goes on" motto never actually lost someone they cared about. its all some kind of psychobabble crap because it hasn't gotten any easier for me. just take it day by day and know when something good is happening to you you'll probably feel a tinge of sadness too. we just have to learn to deal with it i think. live your life and live it a little more for them too.

Re: Is This Normal

I agree with the poster above that whoever made up that motto probably never really lost someone they loved.

I lost my Mom 3 years ago, and on some days the pain is stronger than the day she died.
I miss her SO MUCH.

Since she died I've gotten a new job, gotten engaged and married, bought a house.....all the joy of which is diminished b/c she is not here to share it.
I enjoy my life......but there is always something missing. THere always will be. Its sad, but this is how it is and I must cope.

I think that when joyous events are happening, it is hardest b/c your loved ones' absence(s) are that much more noticable b/c they are not there to share with you....

So yes....what you're feeling is normal.

Re: Is This Normal

Hey. I can definately relate to what you're going through. A good friend of FH and I committed suicide a little over a month ago. Just when it gets a little easier, something comes up and puts you back in that sad place again(he was supposed to be getting married today, but instead of being at his wedding, I'm here in front of the computer ). Really, what gets me through it is just telling myself that I HAVE to get through it, what's the alternative? I know it sounds cliche, but these people that we love and love us would not want us to be in that sad place. The priest at Jimmy's funeral also said to never speak about him in the past tense (i.e., I loved him) because love is the only thing that can still exsist in death. I hope this makes some sense to you, and if nothing else, just know that you are not alone in your feelings