how do you survive your wedding day without your Mom

Re: how do you survive your wedding day without your Mom

Message edited 1/30/2009 10:45:57 AM.

Re: how do you survive your wedding day without your Mom

I think you just kind of do. I had moments during my wedding where I felt her absence so deeply.
The father-daughter dance was really hard for me b/c I knew how happy my mom would have been to watch my dad and I dance at my wedding - and I could see in his eyes, how much he was missing her being there too, but I got through it.
I just tried to remember how much she would want me to be happy on my day and I had to believe that she was, in some way, there with me.

Enjoy your day - that is what she would want for you.

Re: how do you survive your wedding day without your Mom

it was a bittersweet experience. i agree that the father daughter dance was the hardest aside from getting ready without her there but everyone was really supportive and tried to keep my mind off of her physical absence. i know she was there in spirit.

Re: how do you survive your wedding day without your Mom

I've been there Just remember fond memories and keep her alive in your thoughts.

Re: how do you survive your wedding day without your Mom

I survived by being Positive. I lost my Mom 8 years ago...and I lost my Dad the year before I got married.

I just said, Be happy and embrace all the other people who love you and come to your Wedding.

What I did do to Honor them was have a picture of them on their Wedding day in a frame and I tied to my BO-K.
(you can see it tied to my bo-k in my album)

I just thought how proud will they be seeing their daughter smiling and dancing and laughing all day. Feeling sorry for myself would have disappointed them terribly.

Message edited 8/10/2007 1:19:03 PM.

Re: how do you survive your wedding day without your Mom

I survived by doing things to privately honor my mom throughout the day.

What really scares me though is having a child without my mom's love and support...I am going to feel so lost

Re: how do you survive your wedding day without your Mom

i honored her in subtle ways. I had a piece of her dress sewn within mine. My STD was an excerpt from her personal journal about how she hoped I'd marry DH. My favors were a breast cancer donation.

It is hard - no way getting around that. I cried when I went dress shopping. I cried the night before. And I cried a million times in between, but I did not cry on my wedding day. But what I will say is that I know she was with me on some level.

Butterflies are supposed to be an after death symbol, so says a book I read after my grandpa died 10 years ago. On my wedding day, a butterfly appeared near my chuppah - on the side where I was standing. It proceeded to fly among my family and my guests, interestingly enough not near any of DH's families guests.

Re: how do you survive your wedding day without your Mom

I lost both parents long before I got married, and it was still hard. For me, it was great to have my most supportive friend with me the morning I got ready. My sister and niece were with me too and although it was strange not having my mom there, it helped to have other people I loved around.

It's tough, but I think I had a harder time during the planning stages than I did the actual wedding day. I was so happy to marry my DH and have so many people I loved around me that it distracted me a bit from not having my parents there.

Re: how do you survive your wedding day without your Mom

I got engaged on the day my Mother passed- 3 years ago monday- 8/27

so I planned and had my wedding with out my Mom

it was hard- but we made the best of it-I didn't do anything over the top to honor her- b/c she would not have wanted that

I simply did a donation in her honor- I made sure my Dad and other family members knew what I was doing and was ok with it

my brother also did a donation- but didn't tell anyone- so my Dad and Grandma freaked out at the reception when they saw the donation cards

you can get thru it- your Mom would want you to have a great wedding- that is what I told myself to get thru it

we are now planning our final family wedding- my sisters- and it does suck with out my Mom- I have stepped up - and I am planning the Mom/MOH role

Re: how do you survive your wedding day without your Mom

My mom died suddenly when I was 8 so all of my significant milestones in life have been w/o the earthly presence of my mom.

In some ways I am used to it and well, on the other hand do you ever get used to it.

For example, how many girls go wedding dress shopping completely alone... I'm sure it looked odd to the saleswoman when I decided on a dress and no one was with me.

The things I did to honor her and my Dad's marriage:

I removed lace appliques from her wedding dress and sewed them on my cathedral length veil... turns out they looked very similar to the beeding on my dress.

I kept the first seat of the first row on the bride's side empty in honor of her.

I designed a boquet that had a small breakaway boquet attached. When I walked up the aisle I placed the smaller boquet on her seat in memory of her.

I had a lace-up corset dress that tied in a bow near my waist. I had my MOH tie my Dad's wedding ring (my mom was buried with hers) into the bow.

We wrote a special dedication in our program.

The minister mentioned our departed loved ones and named my mother in the rembrance.

But yes, it was hard, especially doing the pictures. Most brides have so many pictures with their mom and there are so many standard ones included in albums. I will admit, that to me, the absence of those pictures in my album are glaringly obvious

And to address a previous poster, it is very difficult to give birth and not have your mother with you those first few days home with your child. My MIL is wonderful and very helpful but I do remember crying more than once over the fact that MIL was there but not my OWN mom

Re: how do you survive your wedding day without your Mom

I just went through this a few months ago.
I can't lie.....the beauty of the day is definitely diminished b/c she cannot be there with you in body. However, I can tell you, that she will be there.
I had a poem that I put in my program that helped somewhat. I also had a picture of her wrapped around my bouquet so that she could be with me the whole time.