How did your parents react to the adoption news?

My parents are disappointed that we decided to adopt a baby rather than "have one of our own"...of course this will be OUR child, but they do not know proper adoption language yet. I think because we did not struggle with infertilty they don't really understand our decision. And of course when we told them "Ethiopia" they actually had to ask us if the child will be black...hum, last time I looked there were not too many white orphans in Africa. And their response was "We thought maybe you would say a little girl from China". I was a bit dumbfounded by that and was not sure what to even say.
But they NEVER ask about the adoption and only once in a while do they even mention "the new baby" in any content. I did ask my stepmother if they would be able to accept our child and she told me "of course, don't be silly". I really struggled with this reaction and it made me VERY sad. I think part of it is because I am comparing it with my pregnancy and how excited everyone was, the gifts I got during the time (not for the shower, I mean the things people would just get me for the baby for no special reason).
They have not told their friends really either...when I was pregnant they shouted it from the roof tops.

Anyway, I was wondering how other parents reacted or are reacting to the process. I am sure others are VERY excited! Maybe I just need to hear some of those stories.

Re: How did your parents react to the adoption news?

I'm so sorry to hear that your parents are not showing you the enthusiasm that you had hoped for. You're totally right in saying that adoption lacks the excitement of pregnancy in regard to people's reactions. Even the people who are excited for me are not reacting the same way they would if I was pregnant, and I know that deep down.

To answer your question, my parents were incredibly supportive of my decision to adopt, more-so than I thought they would be. Much of this has to do with the struggle they have seen me go through with infertility over the past few years though, I'm sure. And A LOT of it has to do with the fact that all three of my sisters had the WORST pregnancies and almost lost their lives as well as their babies. I think part of my mother is relieved that I am choosing this route over in-vitro for that exact reason. She actually told me she wouldn't be able to deal with being so far away from me while I struggled through pregnancy like my sisters did. (She lives in Florida.) Plus, my cousin adopted as did my dad's sister and cousin, so they are used to people around them adopting. I am so happy that they are excited for me, but in the same respect, I feel like they are just a little disappointed that they will not have a little grandson/granddaughter that their daughter created. That may be in my mind though.

The worst reaction I ever got was from my DH's parents. We told them we were adopting over the dinner table while sharing dessert. Everyone was dead silent and then they continued to talk about whatever it was they were talking about before we gave them the news, like we didn't even talk. Then his sister brings her son into his bedroom and brings him out with a "I'm going to be a big brother" shirt. Everyone starts crying and hugging her and asking her how she's feeling and congratulating her. I excitedly say, "Our children will probably be the same ages" and still ... no acknowlegement. So depressing. I cried my eyes out that night -- but I think I was crying more bc my DH not only didn't stand up for us or say anything, he saw nothing wrong with the reaction. He wouldn't have even broken the news to begin with if I hadn't forced him to.

Some people think they're being supportive but say stupid things like, "Don't worry, right after you adopt, you'll probably have a real baby because you'll stop thinking about it." Yes, they're right. I will have a real baby ... from korea.

It's a shame that people have to say comments like this or not be as excited as they would if I was pregnant, but I'm learning to deal with it. I am happy and that's all that matters.

I personally think Ethiopian children (and adults) are BEAUTIFUL people! It's sad that racism still exists .. and within our own families. Truth be told, they probably don't even realize how insensitive their comments are. I can't even tell you how many people asked me why I wasn't adopting a white baby....or an American at least. So annoying.

Good Luck in your adoption journey and try not to let the comments get the best of u.

Message edited 1/15/2006 12:11:18 PM.

Re: How did your parents react to the adoption news?

I'm so sorry about your parents. I'm sure once they see your new baby their attitudes will change.

My parents are very supportive and can not wait to become grandparents. They knew of my struggles with infertility and also know how much I want to become a parent. It is a little difficult with them as they really don't understand why we have to wait so long to get a child and it does get a little nervewracking when they ask every day why isn't our daughter here yet. But if that is the worst of my problems, I'm happy. My parents told everyone and everyone is very happy for us.

On my DH's side, they were happy but still a little resistant. His mother comes out with a few insensitive comments every now and then such as what's wrong with me because I can't have biological children and that the baby will really not be related to her. To be honest, I'm not very close with my MIL and I could care less what she says. My FIL is wonderful as are DH's brother and SIL.

Over the years of infertility and now with the adoption process I have come to realize that we are going to need some thick skin. All that really matters to me is myself, my DH and my daughter and the wonderful family that we will become.

Re: How did your parents react to the adoption news?

Wow..

I think some of our parents are from the 'old' school. But feel assured, I believe there are MORE people to support your decision than you even know or realize. Your families reaction is sad and maybe after a while it will sink in and they will come around (?). I will admit my father would be a bit put off if we were bringing home a 'black' baby...but that is b/c he is 72 yrs old and from another generation and time....which is sad and makes me wonder 'how did i become so open and accepting of such after being raised by him'...anyway...give it some time.

My family dosen't ask anything, and DH's sister adopted and she never asks anything either...and I think that is b/c we are adopting from China not from the Great USofA, like she did. She feels there are a lot of children here who need homes and we should not be going to China (this is not a stated fact, but this is what i feel from her-urrgh)...Nothing is asked and it upsets me and pi$$es me off. I will say my dad does ask and he is not 100% healthy and I ask him to please take care of himself so when we come home w/ our baby he can meet her/his 3rd grand-daughter (but I am his only daughter)...I get so pissy at times I feel like 'sc#w 'em'--but the lack of happpiness/enthusiasm/support is sad, I feel it and it can hurt, if you need anything I am here. Give it some time (more time?).

Message edited 1/15/2006 9:50:26 AM.

Re: How did your parents react to the adoption news?

Michele, Im sorry you and Scott received that sort of reaction from your family. Many people have preconcieved notions about adopted children. It's not always easy for people to understand unless there is a "reason".
Im sure they will come around once your Son is home.