Need advice

Ok ladies, here is the story...

My SS turned 18 in March. He dropped out of HS in Dec In April, DH told Biomom that he was cutting the CS down as to only pay for SD now. Needless to say, she threw a fit and a half and said he had to keep paying becase SS wasn't working, etc... and then proceeded to threaten us saying that she would hire a lawyer to take us to court and review finances, because she feels that she is entitled to even more $ because DH bought his own business last year. Let me tell you DH is currently paying $2200/mo for both kids and it somehow would only be cut to $1600 for just SD. He continued to pay because NYS law is not clear on situations like this and the only way to clarify is to go to court, which DH does not want to do (not because of $, but because he feels guilty that he is somehow depriving his son).
Since that time SS has been working full time for DH's business. Now it clearly states in the divorce decree that if the child is 18 and working full time, not enrolled in school, that he is considered emancipated and DH no longer has to pay. However, since that time, SS and Biomom have gotten into some bad arguements and she has called the police on him (her own son)several times to "get him out of HER house". (Yes, she is that big of a POS). We have offered several times for SS to come live with us - we have a kinda studio apt in our home. He refuses for 2 reasons. #1 She is never home and therefor, there are no rules at all over there and #2, he feel like he is sticking it to her by staying there and # 3, that is his home where he lived for his entire life. DH keeps paying this C/S evey month in fear that she will throw SS out if he stops paying.
My issue is that it has been 6 months now, SS works full time and she is getting the full check that the kids do not even see 1 penny of. We are constantly buying food (probably 5 days a week) and we are the ones who buy clothes, because she refuses to and if we dont, they walk around in ripped up, nasty clothes. Come on already! When is enough enough? When I try to talk to DH about it he makes like it is not a big deal because it is his son. I see that and I understand it to an extent, but it is not like he would ever go without anything he needed, I am just sick of paying HER just because she is a demanding witch of a woman - to use the nicest words possible.
I don't even know what I am asking for here - advice? thoughts? help? I just feel like I am at my wits end now. How much longer can she hold us hostage with her insanity?

Message edited 8/29/2008 2:33:04 PM.

Re: Need advice

A lot of what you are talking about depends upon the wording in the divorce papers. If he is over 18 and not in school then usually child support ends for that child. Im not sure if DH can just adjust his child support accordingly or if he has to go to court for a downward modification. But Im pretty sure he would win should he choose to do so.

My friends father was faced with a similar situation when his kids started "phasing" out of CS. He had simular issues with his Ex too b/c the kids were still living with her and she basically lived off the CS and didnt want it to end. The big issue was that he was sick of paying her all that money so what he did was inform the kids of the situation told him what was up and then paid for their car insurance and car payments. Basically he wound up saving himself money and the kids didnt view him as a bad guy b/c Daddy bought them a car....and legally he was entitled to the downward mod each time a child either quit school, worked full time, or took up shop in the basement apartment with her boyfriend..

Re: Need advice

I don't have any advice for you, but I wanted to give you a

I'm sorry you have to deal with this frustration.

Re: Need advice

He is writing the damed check in the full amount AGAIN today...

Re: Need advice

UGH! That is soooooo annoying!!!!!!!! for you!

My DH thinks the same way. My DH thinks that every penny he pays goes directly into the palm of SD's hand. Meanwhile, we are the same way in terms of feeding her dinner every night, buying her clothes all the time, paying for after school care, paying for extra curricular activities, etc. Because if we don't, she'll go without. Actually though, last night SD told me that she didn't have everything she needed to start school today (even though BM had the list a month ago) so I offered to go and get the rest of the stuff and DH said no, let her mother do it. She can pay for something. I was shocked!

I digress. Since your husband is now paying SS a salary, why does he think he is entitled to additional child support? If he's 18 years old, dropped out and got himself a f/t job, he just propelled himself into adulthood, so why does DH feel the need to pay cs for him? Is it easier for DH to just pay rather than deal with the hassle of the courts? If the divorce decree is clear with the wording, he shouldn't feel compelled to keep paying his babies momma. If the wording is clear, let the BM threaten to bring him to court, let her go pay $$$ for an attorney and let her go through the hassle just to be told she isn't entitled to more CS. I swear...some women look at their kids as cash cows instead of the reality of the situation.

Re: Need advice

believe me I understand........I'm dealing with a BM that refuses to work. I hope you and DH can have a talk and find a sloution that's best for your marriage and the stepkids, not what's best for the BM............

Re: Need advice

Posted by Geraldine

believe me I understand........I'm dealing with a BM that refuses to work. I hope you and DH can have a talk and find a sloution that's best for your marriage and the stepkids, not what's best for the BM............