I am pi$$ed right now....(sorry, if a little long)(Updated)

Last night my sd calls to talk to my dh and starts saying how he is such a loser for not helping out her mom with all the horseback riding things. Now, let me preface this by saying that before she moved to FL we paid for all lessons and got her the helmet and anything else she needed and did not get any help from his ex. Also, I am not counting all the other "extras" she didnt have the $$ for, i.e. b-day party gifts, school supplies, etc.

So, she tells him that she is in 3 shows and this one on Sat (that no one told us about) is 250.00 and she wants him to give her mom 125. Also, the mother went out and bought her the show boots when I told her that I would get them for christmas.

So, now I have to say that I don't care about the $$ as much as I am annoyed that nothing was discussed first and we have no guarantee the show entry fee was 250.00.

So, I told him not to pay it, but to call the ex and tell her that if she ever uses their daughter like that again, he will take her to court. They signed an agreement that he would let them go to FL but he wouldn't pay for the extras and that the divorce agreement would stay in NY jurisdiction. Also, if he decides to give half to call the stable and confirm for himself what the number is.

I am really annoyed that she used their daughter like that and that my dh thinks throwing $$ at the situation will make her "like him" more.

Ugh!

Update:

So, I just spoke to my dh and he tells me that he spoke to his ex and she tells him that money is tight, and that she knows that is the only way she will get the $$ if the daughter asks for it. So he told her he would give her 100.00. All I said to him was "I am not going to make this a big deal, I am just so disappointed in you that you feel the need to buy your daughters love" he hung up on me and probably wont talk to me the rest of the day.

I wont think or dwell on it, it is what it is.

Message edited 9/17/2008 12:31:22 PM.

Re: I am pi$$ed right now....(sorry, if a little long)

I know you are annoyed at your DH & that is where you should focus your anger. IfBm was a nice, honest person your DH would probably still be with her.
They agreed he didn't need to pay extras when they moved, he's either got to grow a set & explain that to his child or flat out refuse to pay it.

Re: I am pi$$ed right now....(sorry, if a little long)

Agreed. SD is in a horrible position right now and being trained to say the things she is saying. She doesn't have enough maturity and life experience to realize that what she is doing is flat out WRONG! It is your DH's responsibility as a parent to guide his child and explain to her why things are the way that they are and also explain to her that this is not the behavior of a child, nor is their financial matters ANY of her business. SD's job is to be a child and enjoy herself and it is yours, DH and BM job to worry about the finances.

I know it's hard but take the upper hand and explain to DH that SD should not be involved and he needs to put her IN HER PLACE! Stand firm....someone needs to step in for SD and get her uninvolved in this mess. Just my opinion.

Re: I am pi$$ed right now....(sorry, if a little long)

That is so obnoxious and annoying! I agree with what the PPs said but I know how frustrating it is for DH to give in to every monetary demand made. You know...I don't get what these dads don't understand. My dad told me no hundreds of times...do I not like him? NO! And that's with my mother constantly calling him cheap! Which he still is, BTW. LOL And granted my parents are still married so its different but hello? Ever hear the expression "Can't buy love"?

Re: I am pi$$ed right now....(sorry, if a little long)(Updated)

My SD's mother is the same way- ironically my SD is also always in the most expensive extra-curricular activities, of which my DH has no choiice in the matter but to be an open check-book for (horse-back, ice-skating etc....) And cries poverty in court over it...I dont know about anyone else, but if money was tight in my house, my kids would be partaking in free or inexpensive activities, not ones we can't afford...And it would be discussed w/ my DH before my DC was enrolled in anything, not told after the fact...Its a power thing....

Re: I am pi$$ed right now....(sorry, if a little long)(Updated)

Posted by Bops

My SD's mother is the same way- ironically my SD is also always in the most expensive extra-curricular activities, of which my DH has no choiice in the matter but to be an open check-book for (horse-back, ice-skating etc....) And cries poverty in court over it...I dont know about anyone else, but if money was tight in my house, my kids would be partaking in free or inexpensive activities, not ones we can't afford...And it would be discussed w/ my DH before my DC was enrolled in anything, not told after the fact...Its a power thing....