When you get pregnant again, how will handle?

Maybe not the right subject title, my brain is half functioning today.

What I mean is, our lives here on LIF seem to be an open book when it comes to TTC. I think alot of us also the first time around were so quick to tell our family and friends we were pregnant.

Will you change that next time?

My first chemical pregnancy, I told my sister about it, that was it.

When we moved to IVF, we told everyone (family wise, I was very quiet about it here on LIF). Therefore, everyone knew when I would be having my beta test. We announced I was pregnant but were cautious, but very shortly after I miscarried. We then had to turn around and tell everyone we lost the pregnancy.

My 2nd IVF, we told noone. My sister knew, because I'm extreamly close with her, but that's it. Nobody else knew. We decided after getting the BFP to keep quiet until we saw the heartbeat. At that time we told only the immediate families. Everyone else we waited until I started my 2nd trimester.

Part of me wanted so badly to have the extra support, but at the same time, it felt like we were putting too much pressure on ourselves to keep everyone updated.

At almost 20 weeks pregnant, I still have a hard time really enjoying my pregnancy because I worry every step of the way. I feel cheated that I was robbed of the innocense of enjoying my pregnancy.

Re: When you get pregnant again, how will handle?

i told everyone the first time after our 1st appt..

this time, as much as i dont want to tell anyone,, i need to get a cerclage at 12Weeks.. and i dont think i would be able to do that without telling my family and sister especially.. so maybe i would tell my immediate family and thats it. but why its so difficult to even do that is because my mother has a big mouth

Re: When you get pregnant again, how will handle?

your feelings are totally understandable. Like you, if/when I get pregnant again, I wil be overly worried and be nervous.

Even with this first pregnancy, I was very overly-cautious. We didn't even tell our parents, until after the miscarraige.

When/if it happens again, we will likely wait 14 weeks before telling parents (when all genetic testing, etc. is done), and 5 months before telling anyone else.

We are very private people anyway, so that kind of behavior wouldn't be unusual for us.

Re: When you get pregnant again, how will handle?

I've often thought about this... and I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way.
I feel extremely robbed on so many levels. I know mine was early, and I'm thankful for that, though I wish it didn't have to happen. I can't imagine seeing the sonograms and heartbeat and then having that being taken. It's the only thing I've found to be thankful for so far, besides the fact that we know implantation 'can' occur.
DH and I agreed when the time comes to do IVF again, that we won't be telling anyone. We only shared w/ our parents this time for the most part, but my MIL shared w/ my SIL and then b/c of that my BIL found out and once we miscarried my mom (at my request) told my DB and my SIL who told her mom, etc... and now I feel like everyone knows- which honestly isn't a bad thing b/c they're more sympathetic and watchful of what they say.
I don't know if we get PG from the next IVF what we'll do. I tell my mom everything- hiding it from her would be hard. I just want the normal surprise we're pregnant announcement that so many others get to have without adding BUT don't get too excited as something could go wrong... and I know others would be thinking it even if I didn't say it. The whole thing just stinks.... yet here we are, still trekking on our journey.

Re: When you get pregnant again, how will handle?

Re: When you get pregnant again, how will handle?

we agreed we were going to just tell our very close friends and my parents and his 2 sisters becasue we couldnt keep it in.... we had a family party to go to that weekend and i warned him not to tell anyone but he couldnt keep it in because he was soo excited and happy so he told everyone there and the wholeeeee family knew... it was really hard to have to tell them that i miscarried and hear all the typical sayings "it wasnt meant to be etc".. it was even harder to have people come up to me weeks later that didnt know i miscarried and say how i was feeling and I had to tell them.. so this time i warned him when we get that BFP i dont want to tell till the 2nd tri begins with the exception of a very close few... sometimes i think i will try to keep it from him as long as possible lol


But i will tell on here... it will actually help me find out if i have lurkers lol

Message edited 9/18/2008 1:23:44 PM.

Re: When you get pregnant again, how will handle?

I was very private about first 2 pregnancies.

I never talk about it, so I dont get the usual comments (relax,it will happen etc) which is good.

I'll probably be private about this one as well, immediate family and close friends only as they figure me out.

I don't really see the need to tell outsiders before 12 weeks. Although I've never made it past 10 weeks.

Re: When you get pregnant again, how will handle?

I don't know what I'm going to do...pretty much with all 3 we only told parents, siblings and my BFF. that's it.

I don't know what I'm going to do next time. Part of me feels like why should I keep a secret..why shouldn't i share it.

But I will make a concerted effort to be more relaxed. Getting upset and nervous does nothing for you..I've learned that the hard way. I'll never be completely relaxed, it's impossible, but I'm going to try very hard not to worry all the time, it won't change the outcome.

Re: When you get pregnant again, how will handle?

I don't even know how I will handle it. I haven't let myself think about it. I am NOT a private person. In fact.. everyone knows all my bussiness. I really needed and relied on all the support I got when I m/c'ed but, my grandpa died the same week so I was just a disaster.

I also feel totally robbed and I know that I won't be able to fully enjoy at the least the first trimester. And that is really sad.

Re: When you get pregnant again, how will handle?

I told everyone every single time. I dont' know if its a good thing or a bad thing. I figured the more good thoughts and prayers that better. I know its hard telling. After losing the first time and having to tell everyone its over and doing it again the second time made it even harder. I didn't want to hear "don't worry things happen for a reason" or "well, a least you know you can get pregnant" again. But I still opened my big mouth again when I was pregnant with DS and now that i am pregnant again. I guess I am just so excited that I want to tell the world.

Re: When you get pregnant again, how will handle?

I will probably just tell family at first. I will not do the whole buying grandparents a picture frame that says "World's Best Granparents" or anything like that, though. Simply because I don't know how long it will last. Last time I was pregnant I made the mistake of buying pregnancy books and name books right away, and then I had to put them away- even that was hard. I wish I could do it a cute way, or even be excited about it, but I will be too scared of what might happen- that I see myself just saying in passing- oh yeah, the beta was positive.

Re: When you get pregnant again, how will handle?

The first time, I told my parents after my first beta. I also told one other friend who knew about my IF treatments. They were so happy and excited. I didn't tell anyone else until after the miscarriage.

This time, I told my parents again after the first beta, I just couldn't keep it from them, and also I knew if it happened again, I would need their support - my mom was so wonderful the first time. The experience of telling them this time around was very different. They did not get excited like they did the first time... the reaction was understood, but sad at the same time - that I would never have that "moment" again - of excitement - because everyone was wary of me losing the pregnancy again.
As the weeks went on they got more and more excited. We told DH's parents after we saw the HB, and a few others. We didn't make the official announcement until around 13-14 weeks. Even then - even NOW - it is hard for me to get TOO excited because I keep thinking about losing the babies. I know this is horrible, but right now my focus is on 24 weeks - next week- because I know thats when my babies become "viable" - when they have a chance of living if I were to give birth. I keep talking to them and telling them to stay in there. I don't know if a woman who has not experienced loss would be thinking the same way.

Re: When you get pregnant again, how will handle?

Re: When you get pregnant again, how will handle?

My DH and I are not going to tell anyone until i am 12 weeks, and then we will only tell our family and close friends, and then i wont tell other people until i am really showing.

Re: When you get pregnant again, how will handle?

Re: When you get pregnant again, how will handle?

I told my family and close friends that I was pregnant. I think next time I will tell them as well. I'll still be a nervous wreck but it was nice having all the support after my m/c, I'd need it again if it happened all over again.

Re: When you get pregnant again, how will handle?

We kept this pregnancy fairly quiet until around 11 weeks after we heard the heartbeat & had a sonogram. We told out parents & I told couple of my closest friends. Everyone else has found out between 10 weeks and now (12 weeks). Even when the few people that knew about the pregnancy in the beginning tried to talk about it, I would brush it off & try to change the subject. It was too hard to talk about a baby that I felt like I would just lose again.

It has been hard for me to connect to this pregnancy because I'm in such fear constantly. I think until I heard that heartbeat on the doppler at 10 weeks, even though I knew I was pregnant, I never actually thought about the fact that there was a baby. Meaning I would say things to DH like "after this pregnancy" rather than "when the baby is born." It was easier to lose a pregnancy than a baby. I hope that makes sense, it's hard to explain. I've only recently allowed myself to think about the baby that's growing in there.

I guess the big change this time is that I'm just so cautious. I've passed the 12 week mark & I've seen a healthy gorwing baby on the sonogram, but I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop.