ThePinkGoose
In Your Hands
Member since 8/08 4706 total posts
Name:
Nunya
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There IS a payoff!
So, i've noticed that most of the posts on this board are so heartbreaking and figured i'd remind everyone that although it's not always easy to be a step-parent, the joy it also brings is wonderful.
This may be long but, as usual, there was DRAMA  SD who is 13 years old asked me if I would take her to the MetroStation concert last night at Starland Ballroom. She is completely in  with this band and has been dying to go to a concert. I am such a pushover so decided that even though it's a school night, we should make an exception and bring her to the concert. She has been working really hard on her attitude and she really doesn't ask for too much so it would be a nice treat for her.
Just to give you some background, my SD & SS do not live with us. BM decided to move them 1.5 hours away down in South Jersey a few years ago and in her exact words, "To make DH life without his kids MISERABLE." OK Whatever, the only one she is making miserable is her own children who have to spend hours upon hours in the car but she doesn't care. ANYWAY.......we choose to no longer speak with BM because she lies to us, steals from us, badmouths us, it's such a long story and i'll save it for another day. Now that the kids are in their teens, they do a good job of just conveying messages back and forth and it's much more peaceful this way.
So, I bought two tickets and after thinking about it....I thought it would be alot more fun for SD to go with a friend. Don't get me wrong, we have so much fun together, but being a 13 year old girl....I thought she would LOVE THIS. It's not a very large venue and i've been there many times. There is a lot of security and I believe SD is smart enough to conduct herself as a young lady. I try to teach her to be independent and strong (unlike BM who is afraid of her own shadow and has to connive in life to get by  ) I told SD the plan and she was ECSTATIC, immediately starting to make plans to pick a friend to take and was so appreciative.
Fast forward to this week, all of a sudden SD sends me a message saying, "Mommy won't let me go to the concert unless you take me."  Now, mind you, we never get involved in BM's parenting with the kids. This is the same BM that let my SD get a BELLY RING at 13 and let's her go to SURF CLUB at 13 years old in a mini skirt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I immediately told DH, this is a ploy to mess up our plans on purpose and force you to call her. She does absolutely everything she can to try to talk to him and he 99% of the time refuses. So SD is crying and DH caves and says put your mother on the phone. So he asks her flat out, why she doesn't want her going to a teenage concert when she allows her to go to clubs, etc. She starts yelling over DH, telling him "THIS Is why they need to communicate" and "THIS is why he needs to ask her stuff first" and poor DH couldn't get a word in.
Well....I grabbed the phone and hung up on stupid BM.  DH got P.O.'d at me but I really didn't care and explained to him that them screaming at each other was probably upsetting SD even more and honestly ,did he really think he was going to be able to convince her? He of course said NO and finally agreed that I was right as usual....cmon, these men do not see thru these crazy BM. I do not want her involved in our 'FAMILY ISSUES' and it works better that way.
ANYWAY, I told SD that BM was just trying to be a pain in the A and that by the end of the week it would blow over. Sure enough, we ignored BM and went to pick up SD and her friend last night after school. We drove 1.5 hours to get them, then 1 hour back to get to the concert venue. We took SS to dinner while SD and her friend were at the concert and drove them 1 hour home and it took us 1.5 hours back to get home. We got in a 2am. 
AFTER ALL OF THAT, I just have to say, I had the BESTTTTT time with SS at dinner last night. Usually my SD and I are goofing off thru dinner (we act more like sisters most of the time, unless she's in trouble) and I don't get any time with SS. We kept taking funny pics of each other and stealing each other's food, he is the most amazing 15 year old in the world and I love him to pieces. We got back to pick up the girls from the concert early and I asked security if I could go check up on her with Stepson and they said Sure. She was so cute jumping up and down and singing. On our way out, she grabbed me from behind and put her head on my shoulder all sweaty and said THAT WAS THE BEST!!!!!!!!! I wanted to cry, she was so happy. On the way home, she begged us to get a hotel so she could see us in the morning before school but that would go over with BM like a fart in church!!!!
So....wow, I didn't realize this would be so long! Sorry for anyone who read this long, pointless thread! I just had such an amazing time last night and it was so great to be a part of their every day life. Due to how far they live, we don't usually get to experience stuff like this, even just dinners and stuff. We only get weekends.
Even when it's hard, make the effort. Kids DO remember and it is so worth it. If you don't have a bond with your stepkids, give it time and take the first step. I realize that children don't have enough life experience and guidance to know what the right thing is, we have to teach them that and lead by example.
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