Trying to figure out my purpose for being here..

My son should be 3 months 1 day today. I really wanted to be a mommy and I just cannot accept how things turned out the way they did. Not to sound like a martyr but I have had many hardships in life from growing up under difficult circumstances to losing my mom tragically, to losing MY BABY!!!

Everyone always says how strong I am. What if I am sick of being strong!!!!!

I am trying but I am finding it hard to bounce back from this. I am just beginning to think my life will always be sh!t. I know I am not alone......why do these things happen?



I am severely depressed.

Message edited 12/9/2008 9:40:19 PM.

Re: Trying to figure out my purpose for being here..

oh Kathleen, from the bottom of my heart I don't have an answer at all. You are constantly on my mind.

How is your DH? your dad?

Re: Trying to figure out my purpose for being here..

I am so sorry for what you are going through....I know my words probably do not aid in much comfort, but just know that there is definitely a purpose for you being here. It isn't fair that some people have more hardships and experience really awful tragedy...while it seems others go by in life unscathed...but unfortunately we don't have all the answers. I hope you get through this really rough time and know that there are better things coming your way. Talk to someone if you aren't already, find comfort in your family and friends and remember to concentrate on yourself. It's very very important. I am sending you all the prayers and wishes I have....

Re: Trying to figure out my purpose for being here..

I am so sorry!

I can not even imagine what you are going through but if you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to yell at...Im here!

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I am so terribly sorry for your loss.

Have you spoken with a grief counselor or therapist? It could be a helpful if that is something you are open too.

You are in my prayers

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Thank you everybody

This is horrible I just dont know what to say about it anymore.

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I have no words... I am so sorry

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I am so sorry! Have you talked with anyone? I understand that nothing will make it better. Time will at least heal some of your pain. Ive been through a tragic loss just not a child. I can understand your feelings of hopelessness though. Have you began to Reach out to people in similiar situations? Maybe that will help you some? I am so sorry! Just know we are all here for you!

Re: Trying to figure out my purpose for being here..

I have been there,,,,lots of tragedy, too many hard times, not many good ones....and then I lost my daughter....but I forged through and I found them, thsoe rare moments of smiles and then they started to come more often and more often. It just took a while...and it was never easy. The pain eases with time. Never the loss but some of that sting will fade.

I never thought I could see a light at the end of my tunnel...ever....but just hold on, nothing else you can do but hold on.

Message edited 12/10/2008 10:19:53 PM.

Re: Trying to figure out my purpose for being here..

I simply cannot imagine your pain. You need to give yourself time. I'm sure it's normal that you are feeking this way. Maybe going to talk to someone will help, or joining a group of mother's who have had the same loss. I'm so sorry.

Re: Trying to figure out my purpose for being here..

I am so sorry for what you have been through. I do not believe there could possibly be anything worse in life than losing a child. I know at times it is hard to see any good around you but you need to look for it and focus on it. Maybe it's your DH, or a great friend. You ARE a mommy and you will have another child.

After my m/c I suffered a lot. I wasted time not listening to my DH who was telling me to get in therapy and finally I did and then I fought the therapist who suggested some meds. I fought them for a long time but all it did was rob me of time ( I was angry about my m/c but even angrier with DH who was not ready to TTC again and I was). I finally went on a very small dose of them for a short period of time and they really helped me a lot. I just needed to get to a better place and I wasn't getting there on my own. I hope you find the support, strength, and peace that you need and deserve.

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I wish I had the right words to say

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Re: Trying to figure out my purpose for being here..

Kathleen you are so young and have had more to handle than most people get thrown in a lifetime You're entitled to every bit of anger & sadness you feel. And I'm humbled by the courage you show getting through every single day. And I think those people in your life are right - you have an inner strength that most people can only DREAM of, but sometimes that's the obstacle to getting help, KWIM?
But pull out all the stops Kathleen, get all the help you need, meds if needed, and surround yourself with DH and the people that love you.
So many ladies have shared their stories of loss on this very public forum, if anyone in particular has helped you can you meet them in real life? Angel Moms have a bond that's very unique-the loss you've all suffered is categorically the MOST difficult, the most unfair, the most overwhelming.
Life has been changed forever; but there IS great joy ahead for you, Kathleen, even if you have NO faith that you'll ever feel that again... And while that's 'out there', PLEASE don't try to "figure this out" on your own - depression is SUCH a serious illness, honey, don't fall for the idea that you should be able to handle this on your own, NO ONE COULD. You and your angel Liam are in my prayers every day.

Re: Trying to figure out my purpose for being here..

i know how hard this all is. i too ask the same question. i felt my purpose was to be a mother and all God has given me is infertlity and then my baby was taken away.
i know where you are coming from and it hurts..so much. There is most definately a purpose and we will have our beauiful children. You will get through all this..it will just take time.

Re: Trying to figure out my purpose for being here..

I'm so sorry kathleen, We are here for you and if you ever need anything please dont hesitate to ask, If you ever want to get out Fm me and we will go out for coffee or whatever, Even if you just want to talk..Again i'm so sorry for your loss.

Message edited 1/3/2009 1:49:30 PM.

Re: Trying to figure out my purpose for being here..

I know exactly how you feel, and nothing makes it better. I still think about the fact that we should have celebrated all our babies' firsts this year and instead I go to visit his grave. I know the first few months were the hardest and slowly the pain started to lessen, but it's still there. And I think it will always be there in some aspect.

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I am so sorry, and cannot even imagine what you must be going through

I wish I had something to say to make you feel better, but there simply is nothing to say other than let you know that I really feel for you.

Message edited 1/4/2009 8:33:28 PM.

Re: Trying to figure out my purpose for being here..

Kathleen,
I wish I was there to hug you.

Have you and your husband gone to grief counseling?

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I am so sorry.

I can't even imagine how you and MrsWalsh must feel.

I pray you find peace soon.

Re: Trying to figure out my purpose for being here..

I am so sorry. I dont have words to see. But dont feel bad asking for help. Seek help with someone who specializes in loss of a child. I am so sorry for your loss.