belongings.....

My Mom died 5 years ago and I still have not gotten rid of her things. I have most of them in a storage unit that I have been paying for for 5 years, and have an entire closet full of her clothes in my house.

I have donated a lot to charity, but I can't seem to bring myself to get rid of most of her items; particularly the ones I remember her wearing, seeing her in, shopping with her for.

I know this behavior sounds BIZARRE, but I just cannot cope with the thought of giving them away.

I don't have room for them anymore either, and $150/month in storage is adding up over 5 years.

I simply cannot give them up...I can't. At times I wear her coats around the house just b/c they remind me of her. I keep her sweaters in my own sweater drawer, just b/c it makes me feel like a piece of her is still here. I even still have her makeup bag, and her pocketbook filled with items from the day she died.

I know that I don't need "things" to remind me of my mother, but I still can't part with them.

Has anyone else dealt with this? What do you do? I thought perhaps time would heal this, but it has been 5 years and still just as raw as when she died.

I have been to therapy, it doesn't help.

Re: belongings.....

Yes I have dealt with this-

First when my grandfather died my Grandmother kept his bathrobes which were almost like rags this is how worn out they were. She just left them on the back of the bedroom door. 13 years later when my Grandma died and we were cleaning out her apartment the bathrobes were still there. My mom wanted to throw them out but my brother and insisted that we keep them. We also gave a lot of my Grandma;s clothes away and it killed me to give them away. I would have kept them all-although I would have never used them.

I think it is perfectly normal to want to hold on to the clothes as a piece of them. Many of the things I was able to take from my Grandma;s apartment smell like her or her apartment

Re: belongings.....

I know how you're feeling--
I want to tell you it's not bizarre at all.. I think it's very normal to feel this way.
I freaked out the other day when my mom was saying she wants to start getting rid of my dad's things. I can't bear to part with them... seeing his clothes, shoes, books, etc. makes me feel closer to him & helps me remember. I thnk I'm going to ask to keep certain things and she can decide what to do with the rest.
I know it's very very difficult and doesn't always get better with time-- I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

Re: belongings.....

Completely normal.

This post reminded me of my friend from high school, who kept her moms clothes & couldnt' part with them. She & her sister started a company called Life Quilt.

Her story was in the magazine Rosie.
http://www.lifequilt.com/html/clippings/rosieMagazineOctober2001.html

I'm not saying that's your solution, but know that you are not alone.

Re: belongings.....

You are NOT alone.My mom passed away a yr and a half ago and I have tons of her things around. I have some of her favorite ourfits hanging in my closet next to my own.

Re: belongings.....

Well, considering I wear my grandmother's wedding ring, I don't know think it is completely unhealthy to keep some things that remind you of your mom

Re: belongings.....

I kept some of my moms shirts and one of her rings which I need to go get resized.
Also, found a brand new pair of sneakers (she bought for FL and they didnt get to go)...I took those too.
Totally Normal.
Could NOT part with everything.
Ooh I also took some fleeces. We LOVED our Ron Jon Fleeces.

Re: belongings.....

I know how you feel, it was hard for me to get rid of my mom's things when she passed almost 4 years ago. But after a month or so, my dad decided it would be best if we donated her clothes to charity. He said I could go through them first and pick out some special things to keep as a memory. But when I went through everything, I had a hard time sorting things out to get rid of. Eventually, I forced myself to just put all of it into bags to be donated except for 1 or 2 sweaters that I especially remember her wearing. I also kept a couple of pairs of shoes that she had bought before she got sick and had never worn. I wear the same size shoe, so I might wear them someday, but so far I haven't been able to bring myself to. It makes me sad to know she never got to wear them.
But as for the majority of her clothes and shoes, as much as it was hard to get rid of them, I just told myself that they are just things and that even though I have memories of her attached to them, they would benefit someone who might need them, so I let my dad give the rest of it away. It was definitely very hard to do, but I think it really had to be done so that my dad and I could start to move on with our lives.
Maybe you could try putting everything, or most of it, into bags or boxes with the intention of giving it away, and then wait a few days or a few weeks before actually giving it away, just to see if you become more comfortable with the idea of it.
Best of luck with getting through this!

Re: belongings.....

i actually just parted with my first husbands belongings this week... passed them along to his family... i determined it wasnt fair to my dh and ds to have someone elses stuff around even though dh completely understands.. it took 3 yeas for me