How would you feel?

Thanks Everyone.

I'm removing the post just b/c you never know who might come across it.....

Message edited 4/28/2009 4:09:46 PM.

Re: How would you feel?

Getting between a boy and his parents is always a tough one...but I agree with you, for mortgage purposes, I think it would bother me too.

Re: How would you feel?

I would be upset about the contions that are here. Especially if your DH knows that you wanted this done before the wedding.

I was surprised with DH's own debt that I didnt know about after the wedding, even though we talked about it before,, he said he didnt want to stress me out. (it is almost all gone now.. and I can't complain) LOL.

But I think that I would feel the same exact way that you do. It is NOT your debt and you shouldnt be the one with a higher morgage rate or credit intrest rate because they are having issues. It sounds like DH is a good son.. but his parents need to make some adjustments on their own.

Re: How would you feel?

ugh tough one. Just be careful, he needs to understand that his parents actions can destroy your future. It isnt about him and his parents anymore, its about the two of you...

just some that it all gets straightened out for you!!

Re: How would you feel?

thats hard cus I can see why he would want to help his parents. But I am also surprised his parents took him up on it. I would have assumed they would just think obv. you guys are getting married and it should ahve all been taken care of before then. Thats just usually how things roll. But at least he spoke with them and it is going to be taken care of. I would be annoyed but at least now its kinda out there what needs to be done. His parents need to get a credit card in their name. There are ones with low balances that are for people with bad credit. They will never build up their credit if they don't start somewhere. they cant depend on their son forever.

Re: How would you feel?

I'm sorry that you are in this situation

It sounds like your ils need help building their credit worthiness- could you dh add them as an authorized user on one of his credit cards- this would take the entire history of that card and put it on their record. You dont actually have to give them the card though.

Then after a time, perhaps your FIL can open a card in his name and get a balance transfer from your dh's card and put it on his own.

Obviously this will take a while- so in the meantime, maybe your dh can get more involved in the paying and have his dad pay him and then he pays the card- if you can pay double the minimum you will pay it off a lot faster- if he only pays the minimum- it will never get paid off

Re: How would you feel?

ITA...i get upset that DH is a JR. and his father's stuff keeps ending up on DH's credit report and it caused a problem when we bought our house...now we are refinancing and it's happening again.
I know it's nothing either of them could have prevented but it's so frustrating.
I can only imagine since this case is completely on purpose how frustrated you must feel.
But i'm sure that your DH is just doing what he thinks is best and that's supporting his parents anyway he knows how.

Re: How would you feel?

It is a tough situation. His parents were in a bad way and I think it is great that your DH helps them out.

I understand why you are worried and frustrated, but honestly if that CC bill is being paid on time every month and there is enough available credit on it then I probably would just let it be. I would want DH to be more ontop of the payment situation just to make sure it is really being taken care of.

I am sure your ILS are embarassed and they need some help so they should be looking into ways to build up their own credit at this time. But having that stability and help pulled away from them may not be the best option and could make things weird between everyone. I would talk to DH and make sure that it is all being monitored closely and that they are taking the proper steps to move forward. It will take time but if it isn't hurting you in anyway and they are working towards their own stability well then you just come out looking like the good guy!

Re: How would you feel?

I completely understand how you feel, and being that we just went through buying a house, a car and tons of furniture in the past year, I know all of the times that our credit has been inquired about, and how much this stuff can affect you. I would most likely feel just how you do. It would bother me that his parents didn't think about this on their own, because as a pp said, it's YOUR life together now...I have a situation kind of similar to this that gets to me...DH loaned his brother a nice chunk of change years ago - before we were even dating. His brother still has not paid him back...I understand that times are tough and all, but in the past yr, besides what I mentioned above, we also paid for our wedding...we've just had a ton of expenses...it would've been very nice to have that extra money...instead, we've had to figure out other ways to do everything, and have used money that we have to pay interest on...

sorry for the vent of my own...but I completely get what you're saying, and definitely don't think that you are being ridiculous about it...

Message edited 4/28/2009 12:19:26 PM.

Re: How would you feel?

I'm sorry I don't have any advice but I would be upset if I were in your situation. It takes too much to build up your credit only to have someone else screw it up. I do agree with you though, it's not just him anymore. The two of you are one unit now, his credit is your credit, ok maybe not technically but basically it is. His parents shouldn't be spending more than they can afford on someone else's credit cards, it's not right.

Re: How would you feel?

thanks guys, i just wanted to make sure i wasnt being evil...DH understands and now he isnt so defensive when we talk about it and he is going to really talk to his dad about it again.....i just wish this could have happened sooooner instead of it taking us buying a house to get him to say something to them...

Re: How would you feel?

DH co-signed with his mother for a car so she could save on interest bc of her horrible credit...

we are buying a house now and we need a years worth of proof that she was making the car payments......

and we told her that if she wasnt going to be able to make any payments that she had to call us and we would give her some money to help

i hate that he did it but there is nothing to be done now so we deal with it...

good luck

Re: How would you feel?

Your DH sounds like such a good man!!

I totally understand how you feel though and I agree with the other posters that you need to explain to him that his parents are tying up your credit and you need it. You guys come first.

As for the bank account, I don't see a big issue with that. It's cash. As long as he puts it back, why not?

Re: How would you feel?

If it prevents you from living your life the way you want to, then I would definitely put a stop to it. I would wait and see if it becomes a problem with the mortgage. But if it's not causing problems and it's just that it's making you uncomfortable, then I would ask DH to monitor those bills more closely and for you to be able to monitor it as well but not have them change anything else.

Honestly, if my parents needed money, I would do the same thing your DH is doing and wouldn't let my DH put a stop to it. They're my parents and they'd do it for me so I am more than happy to do it for them if I'm able.