Letter to DH

I've drafted this letter to DH about my previous post. Let me know what you think. Honestly. I welcome all opinions. I'm lost right now.

DH,

As of right now I feel that this is the only way that I can communicate effectivly with you.

I wish that you could understand the desire I have to see your son develop into a fine young man. I believed stongly in myself that I could have some affect on him. With every down fall, I got right back up and tried again. I have every bit of faith in your son that he can be successful and a man that you can be proud of someday. I’m sorry again if my actions are not welcomed by you. Every action taken and every word spoken, I only wanted what’s best for everyone.

I’ve tried working with you to provide your son with a united front. To show him that two parents will be there for him and provide him with the consistency and balance that every teenager needs. I’m sorry again if my actions are not welcomed by you.

My dedication, hard work and patience has been tried and I can no longer let it affect me as it did the other evening.
I’m embarrassed at my behavior and realized that this situation is taking it’s toll on me.

As much as I love your son, I love you more and I refuse to let this come between us. We have been here before and as much as I want to help, I can’t. You know whats best for your son so I’m no longer going to interfere in your relationship. I ask not to be included in the decision making regarding your son, for the sole purpose of keeping with consistancy. I will always be there for your son and I believe that he knows that.

As difficult it is for me to let go, I’m going to. I think this approach will save us from arguments, regretable words and resentment.

Re: Letter to DH

Message edited 11/28/2011 8:32:56 PM.

Re: Letter to DH

Thank you and you a right. I never imagined it coming to this.

Re: Letter to DH

Please don't get angry with me for voicing my opinion, however, I do not agree with you.

I believe that the issue here lies greatly between your relationship with DH and communication & respect between the two of you. It almost seems like the two of you are fighting to be "top dog." I feel that you're the one that is doing a huge disservice to your stepson by stepping back and giving up.

Have you and DH tried counseling to resolve your communication issues? You need to approach this together, as a parental unit, and by your post I can see that you have a desire to accomplish this as well.

I think what you're doing here is punishing SS for your DH's action's. I certainly hope you don't get offended by my opinion. You asked for all opinions and this is mine. I've really enjoyed chatting with you here on LIF and have a sincere interest in your family, I wouldn't want this to come across the wrong way.

Re: Letter to DH

Posted by AnaMaree77

Please don't get angry with me for voicing my opinion, however, I do not agree with you.

I believe that the issue here lies greatly between your relationship with DH and communication & respect between the two of you. It almost seems like the two of you are fighting to be "top dog." I feel that you're the one that is doing a huge disservice to your stepson by stepping back and giving up.

Have you and DH tried counseling to resolve your communication issues? You need to approach this together, as a parental unit, and by your post I can see that you have a desire to accomplish this as well.

I think what you're doing here is punishing SS for your DH's action's. I certainly hope you don't get offended by my opinion. You asked for all opinions and this is mine. I've really enjoyed chatting with you here on LIF and have a sincere interest in your family, I wouldn't want this to come
across the wrong way.

Re: Letter to DH

Posted by AnaMaree77

Please don't get angry with me for voicing my opinion, however, I do not agree with you.

I believe that the issue here lies greatly between your relationship with DH and communication & respect between the two of you. It almost seems like the two of you are fighting to be "top dog." I feel that you're the one that is doing a huge disservice to your stepson by stepping back and giving up.

Have you and DH tried counseling to resolve your communication issues? You need to approach this together, as a parental unit, and by your post I can see that you have a desire to accomplish this as well.

I think what you're doing here is punishing SS for your DH's action's. I certainly hope you don't get offended by my opinion. You asked for all opinions and this is mine. I've really enjoyed chatting with you here on LIF and have a sincere interest in your family, I wouldn't want this to come across the wrong way.

Re: Letter to DH

I from my own personal experience can understand what you are going through and how you feel 100%

It seems that you have tried everything and have had no success or support from DH. You attempt to have a united parenting front and he dismisses everything you agree on regarding SS. To me, no matter how old the "child" is, sends a message to the child that it is ok and dad never makes me do it anyway, or dad let's me do what I want or I don't have to listen to her..dad doesn't make me and that - I think is a very bad message to send to the child...it is a silent message that it is okay to be disrespectful to your parenting.

Let's not forget that DH totally dismissed you and gave SS the password to your computer...what kind of a message was he sending SS by doing that?

So I am sorry I went on and on here but what I want to say is that I don't think you are wrong for wanting to take a break and back off from the parenting. From what I have seen you have tried everything possible to do what a good parent would do for the best interest of you SS.

Re: Letter to DH

This is such a tough situation, my heart really goes out to you. I've said it before, the problem here is your DH and you can't "fix" SS until DH is on board. It's sad that SS is going to be the one that suffers but maybe you stepping back for a while will be the wake up call that they BOTH need.

I hope it works.

Re: Letter to DH

I know what you're saying when you say that SS is relieved that you're off his back but of course he is. He doesn't know what's good for him at t his point in his life. KWIM?? Teenager's are difficult and I give you so much credit for having an interest in your SS and caring enough about him to make an effort. It is not easy, i've been there and I know what you're going through. Like someone said previously, DH hasn't always had the opportunity to play that "fatherly" role so for him it's probably more in his comfort zone to play the cool dad. Guys like to take the easy way out, my DH included.

When you tell SS not to do something, does DH tell him yes right in front of you? Have you tried stepping in right at that moment and saying, excuse me! Absolutely NOT!

How does DH go about undermining you? It makes me so angry that he doesn't see how much you care and are trying to do for his son. Being a SM is really a thankless job.

Re: Letter to DH

Posted by AnaMaree77

I know what you're saying when you say that SS is relieved that you're off his back but of course he is. He doesn't know what's good for him at t his point in his life. KWIM?? Teenager's are difficult and I give you so much credit for having an interest in your SS and caring enough about him to make an effort. It is not easy, i've been there and I know what you're going through. Like someone said previously, DH hasn't always had the opportunity to play that "fatherly" role so for him it's probably more in his comfort zone to play the cool dad. Guys like to take the easy way out, my DH included.

When you tell SS not to do something, does DH tell him yes right in front of you? Have you tried stepping in right at that moment and saying, excuse me! Absolutely NOT!

How does DH go about undermining you? It makes me so angry that he doesn't see how much you care and are trying to do for his son. Being a SM is really a thankless job.

Message edited 4/30/2009 12:59:03 PM.

Re: Letter to DH

Message edited 11/28/2011 8:45:11 PM.