anyone else feel this way?

Recently i have been thinkng a lot.
Our secretarys mom passed away, and she is devasted. She actually quit yesterday in an email. Not like her at all, especially with no notice.

I have been thinking, of the pain she is going through, and it makes me wonder if i had a child one day they would have to suffer that great pain, and i dont ever want anyone to feel that ever.

I know that everyone dies evenutally, but the thought of bringing a life into the world that would inevitably feel such hurt, pain, and agony is to much for me to bear, i always think about this especially when i read the bereavement message boards, i cry so hard reading the posts, that the htought of putting someone through that is enough for me to not want children.

Is this wrong?
anyone else feel that way?
Is this very morbid thinking?

Re: anyone else feel this way?

You're getting married soon (congrats, BTW... ), so you're volunteering to set someone up for the same potential. You make friends, which also sets them up for sorrow. ANY connection you make with ANYONE sets them up for potential sadness. You can't focus on what will eventually happen, but focus on all the good times that happen before that.

Re: anyone else feel this way?

I don't think you're morbid or wrong... the thought of losing my parents is terrifying. But so is the thought of losing my DH, or my siblings, or my friends. Thats the way it works when you love someone. Should I have never gotten married b/c DH may lose me someday, and he'd be in unspeakable pain for awhile? I lost a friend to cancer recently. It was horrible, and I still get teary when I think of her. It absolutely made me take stock of my life and reevaluate what was important. Maybe that's what happened with your colleague.

Re: anyone else feel this way?

NOt morbid at all. My thoughts are actually the opposite. Scared of losing a child etc.

Re: anyone else feel this way?

i know that even though that losing a parent is painful-it is part of life and to be expected. i think that if the relationship b/t parent and child is strong and good then it is worth it... KWIM? i wouldn't trade what i have with my DD or with my own parents for anything in the world. it's worth the price and the reality. it's like the saying-better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all....or something like that!


edited to add that losing a child on the other hand is TERRIFYING to me more...your love for your child is so intense. it is not "natural" to me to lose a child as much as it is to lose a parent. sorry just had to add!

Message edited 5/6/2009 9:55:42 PM.

Re: anyone else feel this way?

Posted by GoldenRod

You're getting married soon (congrats, BTW... ), so you're volunteering to set someone up for the same potential. You make friends, which also sets them up for sorrow. ANY connection you make with ANYONE sets them up for potential sadness. You can't focus on what will eventually happen, but focus on all the good times that happen before that.

Re: anyone else feel this way?

Take this for what it is worth from someone who does NOT ever want to have her own children --

I would rather deal with the eventual pain of losing both of my parents than have never existed and never gotten to know them.

I have lost many people in my life and those losses were so incredibly difficult for me... but I would never, EVER wish that I never had known those people. Pain is an unfortunate part of life, but it is part of the journey - an important one, I think. Throughout my life, it will be the wonderful, amazing times I shared with the people I love that I will remember most, not the pain of losing loved ones.

Re: anyone else feel this way?

As someone who lost their mother at 18, I often wonder if part of the reason I don't want children is because I don't want to put a child thru what I have (and continue) to go thru.

It was hard enough going thru the wedding without parents, I can't imagine the emotional rollercoaster of going thru pregnancy and the birth of a child without that support and the constant reflection on motherhood.

I often wonder if my views/desires would be different if she was still around. But I'll never know so I take it as it is.