I am posting here, since I know you ladies can understand

Thank you everyone for your responses.

Message edited 5/12/2009 6:53:02 AM.

Re: I am posting here, since I know you ladies can understand

Sending lots of

I can completely relate to how you feel. My ds is 3 1/2 and exactly the same way.

At first it really got to me and I would let myself get upset and always try and explain. Now I don't worry about what others think. I know the people who truly matter understand what is going on and for those who don't I say $$%^# them!

I even get the comments from some family members....we've just politely declined offers of get togethers. I try and look at all the positive steps my ds has made and know that that is all that matters!

Re: I am posting here, since I know you ladies can understand

i completely feel the same way. my ds has a rigid schedule (nap, meals, drinks, therapy) that rules our lives and some friends just don't get it. they think i'm being neurotic, etc. and get insulted when i can't conform to their schedules. but whatever, i continue to do what's best for my ds and if i have no social life and i piss of friends than oh well. they should understand.

Re: I am posting here, since I know you ladies can understand

I totally know what you mean and I don't think it's deprivation at all. When he's ready you will go and do those things but right now he's not ready. It's not like you're locking him up in the house all day!

I also get people giving me looks. Heck, my own parents tell me he's spoiled, I let him do whatever he wants, I coddle him, etc.

Like the AP said, you need to do what is best for your son and if it means missing a few social engagement than so be it. As of right now everytime I accept any invitation to a social occasion, playdate, etc. I will accept with the disclaimer that I reserve the right to leave at a moment's notice depending on DS's mood. And so be it. Thankfully my friends understand. My family not so much.

Re: I am posting here, since I know you ladies can understand

I went through a long period of isolation with Cole - i thought I was protecting him, but really I was just making it easier on my feelings.
the key to what I read in your post was that HE HAS FUN in these activities. And, the more you expose him to activities the more he will become accustomed to how to behave appropriately. It takes a while to grow a thick skin as a parent and not overthink how others are evaluating your parenting or your childs temperment. It comes with time -- you're doing a fantastic job raising and nurturing him. Keep up the good work!

Re: I am posting here, since I know you ladies can understand

We don't go to restaurants. We did once in a while when he was younger and I would bring my stroller in.

I honestly don't care what people think I am doing or not doing. A lot of people are ignorent!

I know DS. He just cannot be in high chair or booster for more than 1 hour MAX. It's an aggravation for him, it's an aggravation for me. But mostly, he does not enjoy it. He is not even 2. He cannot stay in place. He is a toddler and he is a boy. On top of that, he refuses to eat "regular" table food. We are still having behavioral feeding issues. I have to bring OUR food. Then , there is no microwave.... So in short, it's a nightmare! A total expedition!

In comparison, my sister and I did not go out to restaurants with my parents until we were 6. We are taught how to behave, dress, eat properly, etc.. And it was a "Treat". So we behaved so well to go with my parents out.

After DS is a bit older we will address the situation then. That will be part of his therapies. How to behave in public, etc... But there is not much reasoning at such a young age. It's even more challenging with a child with special needs.

Re: I am posting here, since I know you ladies can understand

Re: I am posting here, since I know you ladies can understand

I understand 10000%! Ava is now 4 1/2, and I am just starting to take her to certain places again. At this time last year, she was like you described.

I could not take her out to eat, to stores and even to parties sometimes. People had something to say about her behavior and then they even had something to say, if I decided not to bring her some place.

My mother used to say "How will she learn the right way to act in a supermarket/restaurant/bank etc, if you don't take her there?"

I tried and I tried and I tried some more. She yelled and cried..I yelled and cried...It was Not worth it.

So, I came to realize, she is 3...she doesn't NEED to got to the supermarket/restaurant/bank or whatever.

I started doing as much as I could at night as soon as she went to bed. It really saved my sanity.

After almost a full year of Speech, OT and Spec Ed pre school, life is getting much better.

Hang in there. Stay away from judgemental people. Nobody knows what it is like to have a child like yours, unless they have one themself.

Message edited 5/11/2009 8:03:34 PM.

Re: I am posting here, since I know you ladies can understand

Posted by dottiemchugh

Posted by colesmom

I went through a long period of isolation with Cole - i thought I was protecting him, but really I was just making it easier on my feelings.
the key to what I read in your post was that HE HAS FUN in these activities. And, the more you expose him to activities the more he will become accustomed to how to behave appropriately. It takes a while to grow a thick skin as a parent and not overthink how others are evaluating your parenting or your childs temperment. It comes with time -- you're doing a fantastic job raising and nurturing him. Keep up the good work!

I should have worded it better, but I meant that he has fun with the activities where he can run around, like the playground etc... the other situations are NOT fun for him. I am re-wording it now..

Re: I am posting here, since I know you ladies can understand

Posted by maybebaby

Posted by dottiemchugh

Posted by colesmom

I went through a long period of isolation with Cole - i thought I was protecting him, but really I was just making it easier on my feelings.
the key to what I read in your post was that HE HAS FUN in these activities. And, the more you expose him to activities the more he will become accustomed to how to behave appropriately. It takes a while to grow a thick skin as a parent and not overthink how others are evaluating your parenting or your childs temperment. It comes with time -- you're doing a fantastic job raising and nurturing him. Keep up the good work!

I should have worded it better, but I meant that he has fun with the activities where he can run around, like the playground etc... the other situations are NOT fun for him. I am re-wording it now..

My son is the SAME way. On a rare occasion he will sit still and eat his food and give us a 1/2 hour, but I've always been the mom to decline the invites to restaurants and what not. People who are not in our shoes don't understand how it can be. And its not about having a bratty kid, its about having a child with some attention issues that are impossible to control. We just pray that as he gets older it'll get easier?!!

I just wanted to say I can totally relate!!!!