Gifts & Cards

Do you buy gifts or cards for SS or SD to give to BM for birthday, Mother's day and Christmas?

In my situation, SS lives with us FT and BM's birthday is next week. I was wondering if I should take him to the store to pick out a card for her?

I did this once before when she had another baby, SS went to the hospital with the gifts I bought the baby but, she has done some stuff to me since then and I refused to do anything nice for her anymore/

But, I think I should put that aside and do for SS. What do you think?

Re: Gifts & Cards

Personally, given the relationship between DH and BM, I would never do this. Its not like BM would ever send SS over with a birthday card for me! She doesn't even send stuff over that SS made for DH at school - the teachers have caught on and now sent it directly to DH because they know he will never see it otherwise. But it depends on the relationship you have with BM, I am sure there are BMs that are very friendly and have great relationships with everyone.

Re: Gifts & Cards

In my personal situation - No, I would not only b/c like you BM and SD have done some nasty things to me in the past 2 years. That is DHs place to do so if he wants. Once they get older they can certainly remember their parents' birthdays as well as get them something on their own.

Now, if the relationship were different, then perhaps I would.

Also, let me add that SD has never, ever even picked up the phone to call DH just to say "happy birthday Dad" so obviously, BM doesn't think to do this on her end either.

BTW, that is very nice of you to think to do that.

Message edited 5/28/2009 12:54:35 PM.

Re: Gifts & Cards

We have a good relationship with BM but this isn't something that I would do unless we were already out shopping and DD saw something she wanted to buy for her mom. DD has her step-father and her grandparents to take her shopping for her mother, so it's not an issue that's come up for us. I take DD shopping to get something for Kevin and he takes her out to get gifts for me. Our system works and everyone's happy!!

Re: Gifts & Cards

Initially, against DH's wishes, I did, back in the day, in an effort to keep the peace and in an effort to show her that we do recognize her and her efforts. We had gotten her gifts BUT never once did she even acknowledge that we did that for her and she certainly never reciprocated for DH. If we had given her like a mug or something that would be one thing, but we gave her some nice gifts (there was a big birthday and some crappy times around the holidays so we got her some nice things) so I thought it was kind of rude not to say thanks. So now that stopped all together.

Re: Gifts & Cards

Well given my situation, not a snowballs chance....

However, I have helped my SD "make" things" for her BM in the past ( crafts etc...) I personally would never buy her anything ( except for maybe a one way ticket to Guam )

Re: Gifts & Cards

When DH and I were first together I made a point of making sure that the kids had something for their mother. A card, a picture, SOMETHING.

The thought was never reciprocated or appreciated (her making sure the kids had something for him) so...at his insistance..I stopped.

I do make sure that my girls have something for their father for Christmas, Father's Day, Birthday, etc...But in that case...it is reciprocated and he does the same.

In your case, since SS lives with you. I would offer to take him to the store to pick out a card. I dont know if this makes sense or not...but I would look at it this way...it's "proper" for him to have a card for his mother. Since you and DH are the primary caregivers it's up to you to make sure he is taught proper manners and etiquette.

I hope that makes sense...

Re: Gifts & Cards

I did in the beginning and DH wanted to strangle me. Now I see why, she is the BIZNATCH (haha we love that word) that he always said she is and is greedy and ungrateful. So...my answer is no.

Re: Gifts & Cards

I have always paid for christmas gifts for my SD's to give their mom, grandmother and greatgrandmother. Either we would go shopping together or now since they're older (23 & 17) I give the younger one money to shop & her sister will take her to the store. I don't have any relationship with their mother nor does my husband, so I guess it is easier that way. We don't talk to her (maybe 3-4 times in the past 6 years). She moved to PA and barely sees the girls - maybe once a year. I did this, though, when they were younger & lived with their mom, though. I didn't see why not to. I helped them buy their dad stuff, too. Plus, they always made sure to have something for me, too (dad would pay!) I don't like to be petty with them and I don't like to put their parent's relationship (or lack of) between us - they had nothing to do with it and I treat them as if they were my own.