Has your upbringing affected your decision?

To be childless? I have to say one of the reasons I am so hesitant to have

children is b/c of my relationship with my Mother growing up and what kind

of mother I may be. Can anyone relate? Does anyone stay childless in spite of their loving

and "normal upbringing"?

Re: Has your upbringing affected your decision?

Yes! I don't get along with my mother AT ALL (although things are a little better since we no longer live under the same roof) and I'm afraid of continuing that trend should I ever have my own children. Also, I was the youngest in my family (including all of my cousins) so I was never around kids and I think that definitely has affected my decision. I never babysat as a teenager (never had any desire to) and I just feel like I don't know how to interact with children. There are a whole host of other issues (most having to do with how I was brought up) but I'd rather not get into them on here.

Re: Has your upbringing affected your decision?

Re: Has your upbringing affected your decision?

Re: Has your upbringing affected your decision?

Re: Has your upbringing affected your decision?

Re: Has your upbringing affected your decision?

Message edited 11/13/2009 4:36:29 PM.

Re: Has your upbringing affected your decision?

Re: Has your upbringing affected your decision?

Re: Has your upbringing affected your decision?

hmmm, i don't think so. i really couldn't have asked for better parents... my mom worked part time nights as a nurse and my dad's schedule rotated but they were almost always there. i wouldn't be with a babysitter for more than 2 or 3 hours at a time and that was rare. i am the baby of the family... with a 10 year age gap between my sister and i. but she had a daughter when i was 14 and my brother had his kids when i was 15, then 20 and i was really never that interested. i DID play with barbies though and had the barbie and ken that had twin babies... and a playground and all that i really don't know if my upbringing influenced me at all. i think it's much more my career and lifestyle.

Re: Has your upbringing affected your decision?

I always wanted children.
I have an unbelievably close relationship with my mother.
My father doesn't say much but when he does we get along great.
I think my upbringing just encouraged wanting children even more.

Somewhere along the way the want/need for children just changed.
I still love them, especially my Goddaughters, but I just don't want them with me full time.

Re: Has your upbringing affected your decision?

I am the baby of the family too and never had younger children around until I started babysitting at 13. I was good at it and in high demand too. I was 18 when my first niece was born and it was a whole new experience for me. Then my second niece was born and they actually lived with us for years, so I finally got to experience that.

As much as I love all my nieces and nephews, enjoy them and my friend's children, hear that it's too bad I'm not having kids because I'm good with them and all that... Still didn't make a dent in my decision. *shrug*

DH is an only child and by the time we met, the kids were a big part of my life, as were all our family gatherings. He's gotten a LOT better at how to deal with kids, maybe not necessarily how to reprimand them if it came to that though. But he's learned, and although he's not as outgoing as I am with children, he can still enjoy them.

Neither of us really had any factors of our upbringing that could explain how we came to this decision. But it's different for everyone.

Btw, I played with Barbies too but now that you mention it, Ken wasn't really a part of the dream scenario with Barbie in her dream home and corvette.

Re: Has your upbringing affected your decision?

I think I had it pretty good growing up but I never had that burnign desire to have children. After college, I really put myself in to my career and had time for little else. then I meet my husband, in my early 30's and we both were on the fence about kids. We both decided that we werent going to have children and are very happy today.

we do have a neice and 2 nephews that we love as if they were our own, (im even my neices Girl Scout leader) but its nice that we dont have them full time!

Re: Has your upbringing affected your decision?

Re: Has your upbringing affected your decision?

Message edited 1/6/2012 8:02:06 PM.

Re: Has your upbringing affected your decision?

My childhood had no bearing on my decision to not have children. I had a great childhood that I remember fondly.

Re: Has your upbringing affected your decision?

Re: Has your upbringing affected your decision?

Posted by MrsRbk

Posted by Jackie24

To be childless? I have to say one of the reasons I am so hesitant to have

children is b/c of my relationship with my Mother growing up and what kind

of mother I may be. Can anyone relate? Does anyone stay childless in spite of their loving

and "normal upbringing"?

I am not childless, but hope you don't mind me posting here.

My mother was the reason why I was adament about not having children. It wasn't until I met my husband that I changed my miind (5 years ago). I had a very strained/emotionally absuive relationship with my mother. What terrified me the most was that we are VERY similar in alot of ways and I never, never, never wanted to bring a child into this world and be the kind of mother that I grew up with. (We currently are not on speaking terms going on 4 months now)

That said...even though I now have a child, I am ALWAYS very conscience of how I am with he (even though she's only 9.5 months old). I know it's going to be in the forefront of my mind always to NOT be how my mother was. I never want my daughter to feel the way I did growing up and into her adulthood.

(BTW...it took ALOT of therapy, to get to this point in my life!)

Re: Has your upbringing affected your decision?

I have great parents, and my childhood had some ups and downs, since no one is perfect...but I just can't quite make up my mind all the way about whether I want them.

DH really wants them, but I am so back and forth over it, I just can't decide.

Re: Has your upbringing affected your decision?

Oh god, I love my parents; I think that they are incredible people.

I've reached the point that I don't believe that I will ever meet a man that I think would be a good father.

But also I don't want to be PG. I don't want to experience labor (thought of it alone terrifies me). I don't know if I could handle a newborn. I just want to write and dance and travel and just see where life leads me.

Re: Has your upbringing affected your decision?

i can relate. i had a very tumultuous relationship with my mother and even though now we're close, i just have that same concern about being a mother myself. i'm not very cuddly and actually dislike even being touched a lot or hugged because i never really wanted or had that when i was younger. it definitely plays some kind of role in my not really wanting kids.

Re: Has your upbringing affected your decision?

Thanks everyone for posting!

LIF is truly a much cheaper form of therapy!

Re: Has your upbringing affected your decision?

I grew up in a divorced household BUT had a wonderful life. My parents are amazing and my step-father is equally amazing! I wasn't the middle child and all of the rest of my extended family was much older. So yes, I was kind of the youngest around. I never babysat or had any desire to. Maybe that's why I am so on the fence about kids? Never really had interaction with them? I did work at a party company where we did parties...but they were 2 hours long and then we sent the kids on there way! It was great :)