vent... UPDATE

We live out of state. We are the only couple out of our friends here that do not have kids. It's not to say we wont ever have kids, but we just dont at this time. DH and his 2 business partners planned a dinner out to celebrate a deal that went through, for tomorrow night. This was to include just the husbands and wives and to be at 7pm.

Long story short, both of the other partner's wives decided amongst themselves that 7pm was 'too late', and decided to cancel the reservation, and instead move it to 5:30, and now bring the kids (there willl be 5 kids). They dont want to keep the kids out too late. They also changed the restaurant to accommodate themselves.

I am peeved. I dont get out of work early enough, so clearly I wont be on time to this dinner. I think it's just very rude to change plans the day before, and not even think of asking or considering my work schedule. This is not the first time his partner/friend has done this. His wife has made some irritating remarks in the past 'well you should always be available, you dont have kids' , or 'what do you mean you dont have $$ for that, you guys dont have kids'. Or 'must be nice to buy a new bag, that will all end once you have kids.'


They seem to think my/our time is not as important as theirs, simply because we dont have children right now. I am so sick of this, and this has been brewing for a long time, I am so tempted to say something to her. DH thinks I am overreacting, but I dont see why we consistently have to accommodate people like this. This is just one thing of an entire laundry list I am ticked off about with his partner and his wife. DH puts in 10x the amount of time as his partners, again due to him 'not being NEEDED at home'. Just because we dont have kids, does not mean he is not 'needed'.

So selfish IMO...

I would like to avoid them at all costs, but it's hard since they have a business together. Thanks for listening, I am just so irritated by this and what has been going on.



UPDATE ------------------------------------
First, thanks for all of your input, I agree with you all. DH calls me this afternoon, trying to feel me out and see if I am 'still annoyed'. I said yes I am still annoyed, and tried to explain to him that this is not me not wanting to be with kids. ITs about that no one, including him even considered my work schedule, and whether or not it would work for me.. His take on it is 'sooo what you have to race home, get changed, and we drive there, so what you are late'. But I am not mad at this. Tonight's dinner was the the icing on the cake of months on months of dealing with his selfish partner and his wife.

So, this of course had to turn into an argument with DH. He got annoyed, called his partner up and said to count us out. So now the 2 partners aand their wives and kids went w/o us. I am fine with that. Because I didnt want to go to that restaurant, at that time, I would be late, and I didnt feel like spending $ on a so-called 'celebratory dinner' watching everyone chase their kids around. That may be fine for any other night, but not for a night for adults to enjoy each others company and talk and drink and celebrate his business.

The fight we had, was a culmination of my husband catering to his partner, working longer hours than him, driving farther for work, all because he needs to be closer to home. I've had it. He is taking advantage, and DH allows him too. But I wont allow it to happen to me. Thats where we stand....... surely nothing is resolved, and there I go.. overreacting and getting crazy again,,, or so I was told.

Message edited 2/11/2010 8:40:49 PM.

Re: vent...

I have kids and I think what they are doing is plain RUDE. It is inconsiderate of your time which is just as valuable as theirs is. We all only get 24 hours in a day. I remember when I was single and the partner at the law firm I worked for would say to me that I could stay late because I did not have a spouse and kids to come home to. It always annoyed me then.

Ok going back to lurk.

Re: vent...

I don't think kids belong at a business dinner in the first place, even if it's to celebrate...i know i can't have a normal conversation when kids are present....there are constant interruptions...so sorry they prioritized the kid's bedtimes over your night out!

ETA: it's like the girlfriend who feels the need to bring her BF or DH to a girl's night out dinner...not every event is an open invitation for everyone.

Message edited 2/10/2010 11:05:38 PM.

Re: vent...

Wow---that is just not right at all....I'm as hell for you right now.

I would be beyond heated. A business dinner like that shouldn't involve children, and they are really pushing their luck with those comments to you guys.

I've gotten those types of comments as well from some family members. Because DH and I are just the 2 of us (and our cat), we should have money that we apparently throw around and swim in Scrooge McDuck style.

No one realizes how damn rude those types of comments are at all. It's no one else's damn business about your and DH's money or your damn. If you want to spend all day sitting at home doing nothing but scratching your @ss, you have every right to do that and not answer to anyone!

Sorry about your DH's insensitive partner's wives.

Re: vent...

Wow- that is so inconsiderate.

Re: vent...

What does your DH say about this? Shouldn't he have some say over the dinner plans at least?

The next time they something rude or make comments about your finances I would call the ***** out on it

Re: vent...

thank you for the replies. I knew i was not overreacting. You ladies have gotten me even more fired up. I am def gonna say something later on on top of showing up even later than i planned. Apparently their time is more precious than mine. Their health too. I posted a few weeks ago about them asking us to babysit, with both kids very sick. I guess we can afford to get sick and stay home since we dont have kids. Ohhhh i cant wait for later. DH will be ticked at me, but i dont care. Sometimes people just need to be told and honestly i have had enough of the remarks and being an afterthought to them.

Re: vent...

honestly, I wouldnt even show up. The whole thing would just p**s me off to the point I would prob just be in a bad mood the entire time.

Re: vent...

Sorry to crash, but there are 3 things wrong with what you wrote that these women did (1) celebrating a business deal with the kids- business is business. (2) Changing the time of the reservation. Heck, even with kids I can't be anywhere by 5:30 since I still have to WORK. (3) Changing the place. That's just downright rude.

But as a business woman, just make sure you don't piss of the wives too much. If they were your friends, it wouldn't matter. But they are your DH's partners' wives. Just watch what you say. You wouldnt' want it to effect DH's negatively (even though you are in the right).

Re: vent...

Re: vent...

Agreed, rude and inconsiderate.

However, I would not be the one to say something. It is your husband's business, he is a partner, and he has a voice in decisions like these. He should have been consulted and should consider your schedule as well as what works for the group when these things come up. I feel that it is his place, not yours.

I'm concerned that if you say something, especially if you don't get DH's buy-in beforehand, that it will seem emasculating in front of his business partners and their families. I would get on the same page with your husband first, and then plan a professional way to deal with this so it doesn't happen again.

At the very least, I would make sure you are late. I hate being late but that is just unreasonable to expect someone who works business hours to be somewhere for dinner by 5:30. However, they may start eating without you if their children are hungry, so I would be prepared for that too.

I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. I have heard all of the same things you have, and it's a terrible feeling when people think so little of you. We understand.

Re: vent...

ita with everyone, i'd be fuming too! but use caution! even tho you're po'd, its still business and you have to watch what you say and be politically correct here, even tho as pp said, you are in the right.

Re: vent...

I agree with everyone. It is a business related dinner, not a place for children.
That's why babysitter's were invented.

Wouldn't these moms enjoy an evening out without the children ? I've babysat plenty of times for my sis when she and DH had a business function to go to, and even when they just wanted time together.

Re: vent...

I too have a child and I would NEVER be as inconsiderate as these women are!!! I cannot believe the way they are acting and treating you!!!! From the comments, to taking it upon themselves to change dinner? REDICULOUS!!! To me, its not even about whether children belong at business dinners or not, its about the inconsiderate nature of these women...

As others have also said.. since it is business, sometimes we just have to suck it up for the benefit of our husbands/friends/etc...

Just wanted to add this from my perspective... sorry this is happening!!!!!!

Re: vent...

I would be livid! Who the hell goes to dinner at 530 anyway???

Re: vent... UPDATE

I'm sorry about your update. I hope you and DH make up....and something changes so that you don't feel so taken advantage of .