Everyone's not on the same page

Sort of crasher but...
Here is the backround: B/f's 5 y/o son has autism. He goes to school FT, then to nanny's. He spends most of his time with mom and part of the time w/dad.

The kid has 4 different sets of rules/or lack there of and 4+ people disciplining him. Dad and school have recently gotten on the same page (or close to it). Mom and Nanny are not even in the same book.

How do you get everyone on the same page?
Obviously, its better for the child if everyone is on the same page/or at least close. And mom and dad have their issues or else they wouldn't have gotten divorsed. Its just so unfair to the child.

ETA: Nanny is a grandma (mom's mom) - not a babysitter/nanny

Message edited 6/14/2010 11:18:08 PM.

Re: Everyone's not on the same page

Well the nanny needs to follow Mom and Dad's rules, or at least one of them. Otherwise the nanny should be replaced.

Mom and Dad need to meet with the school and come to an agreement with what the rules are going to be. There needs to be a meeting set up where all parties are present. Mom and Dad split up because their marriage wasn't working out, but they're still parents to their son together.

You're right, what they're doing is unfair to their son.

Re: Everyone's not on the same page

I'm so glad to hear someone's input regarding a similar issue... My SD just turned 13 and my DH and I are much more strict with our rules compared to my SD's mother. Her mother just lets her do as she wishes and not really worries about her wellbeing where my DH and I are doing everything to make sure her path is straight and narrow to make sure she gets to where she will need to be in the future. I've been trying to arrange a meeting to try and get all of us on the same page with the rules, regulations, chores, expectations with school and home, etc... but my DH doesn't like the possible confrontation that it may cause where I'm perfectly fine with a few ripples to get the wellbeing of my SD under wraps...

Sometimes being a SM can be so frustrating!

Re: Everyone's not on the same page

Its so hard to get everyone on the same page. Its even harder for us b/c DH and BM don't even speak. They may speak once every 3 months or so only after something drastic. In an ideal situation I would say to have all parties caring for the child to speak about rules and punishments if those rules are broken

Re: Everyone's not on the same page

UPDATE: Mom and Nanny at least bought the book...the FINALLY put child locks on the cabinets/doors.

I didn't realize how different these people were - dad gives DS normal size bites, mom still cuts food like he was 1 year old (he's autistic).... even the little things they need to get on the same page about.