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shadows
LIF Adult
Member since 1/10 4694 total posts
Name:
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it's funny (regarding "selfishness")...
So i always feel like there is the implication that people who don't want kids are "selfish" (although maybe that is just the feeling I am getting from others). But i have heard SO many people say that they want kids so they're not alone when they get old. Is it just me, or is that the HEIGHT of selfishness?!
Just a thought. 
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Posted 7/19/10 8:02 PM  |
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dfw343
LIF Infant
Member since 7/10 246 total posts
Name:
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Re: it's funny (regarding "selfishness")...
yup
not having them cuz you are not sure is the most selfless thing you can do.
I know a woman that got AI because she said "I don't want to be alone" (she's not married).
Another said "it's nice to have little legacies of you behind after you are dead".
Or the classic "cuz that's what my family expect me to do".
Oh and I love "you are not TRULY a woman unless you give birth".
I appreciate the women who just say "I want to be a Mom".
That's authentic!
I have been looked at like I am selfish but that is not the case at all. They assume!
Message edited 7/19/2010 10:16:38 PM.
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| Posted 7/19/10 10:14 PM |
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maxsgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 1/06 2086 total posts
Name:
sarah
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Re: it's funny (regarding "selfishness")...
I totally agree. I hate when people ask, "who is going to take care of you when your older" Um hello, a parent is suppose to take care of a child, not the other way around.
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| Posted 7/19/10 10:34 PM |
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Andrewz00
Look! I changed it!
Member since 4/10 1789 total posts
Name:
Andrew
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Re: it's funny (regarding "selfishness")...
Posted by maxsgirl
I totally agree. I hate when people ask, "who is going to take care of you when your older" Um hello, a parent is suppose to take care of a child, not the other way around.
ITA.... and think, with all the money we save from NOT having a child, we can afford phenomenal assisted living communities when we get older!
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| Posted 7/19/10 11:24 PM |
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maxsgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 1/06 2086 total posts
Name:
sarah
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Re: it's funny (regarding "selfishness")...
Posted by Andrewz00
Posted by maxsgirl
I totally agree. I hate when people ask, "who is going to take care of you when your older" Um hello, a parent is suppose to take care of a child, not the other way around.
ITA.... and think, with all the money we save from NOT having a child, we can afford phenomenal assisted living communities when we get older!
Andrew,
those are my exact thoughts!
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| Posted 7/20/10 8:08 AM |
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greenfreak
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Member since 9/06 11483 total posts
Name:
greenfreak
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Re: it's funny (regarding "selfishness")...
Posted by Andrewz00
ITA.... and think, with all the money we save from NOT having a child, we can afford phenomenal assisted living communities when we get older!
I say that to my father all the time! He's the only one overly concerned about how I will spend my senior years. 
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| Posted 7/20/10 12:50 PM |
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PrincessVonTrockel
Trophy Wife in Training
Member since 11/09 2953 total posts
Name:
Natalie
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Re: it's funny (regarding "selfishness")...
I think the reasons a lot of people have children are totally ridiculous
"to take care of me when I get old"
"so I can see what joining our genes will look like"
"so I can stop working"
"so I can fit in to what society says is the "norm"
"everyone follows a system - engaged, married, buy a house, have a kid = happy life"
"b/c so and so had one in my family and now there is pressure from the families to follow"
and one I heard on TV "b/c I want something to love me unconditionally"
blah blah blah I could go on and on and on about it.
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| Posted 7/21/10 3:45 PM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: it's funny (regarding "selfishness")...
When people are lucky enough to be in a position to CHOOSE whether they have children, there is always an element of selfishness involved. I don't believe any parents really ONLY have kids to take care of them in old age, not do I believe they have them for some type of greater good or philanthropic reason -- I think they have children in most cases b/c they want to have children. And that's wonderful.
Those of us who choose not to have children (excluding those of us with IF issues) choose not to have them because we don't want them. That's also wonderful.
And that's all FINE. Being selfish isn't always a bad thing.
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| Posted 7/21/10 9:22 PM |
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maxsgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 1/06 2086 total posts
Name:
sarah
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Re: it's funny (regarding "selfishness")...
n/m
Message edited 7/21/2010 10:21:17 PM.
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| Posted 7/21/10 10:20 PM |
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maxsgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 1/06 2086 total posts
Name:
sarah
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Re: it's funny (regarding "selfishness")...
sorry double post
Message edited 7/21/2010 10:21:31 PM.
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| Posted 7/21/10 10:21 PM |
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MrsH2009
Thank you St. Gerard!
Member since 8/09 6631 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: it's funny (regarding "selfishness")...
Truthfully, I have never heard "someone to take care of me when I'm older as a reason" for having children. Maybe I'm just naive, but I can't imagine that anyone would want their child to have such a financial and emotional burden. I think most parents, at least those that I know both young and older, hope to provide for their children forever.
ETA: I'm not trying to start drama, we have no children ourselves yet, I've truly just never heard this.
Message edited 7/21/2010 11:26:22 PM.
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| Posted 7/21/10 11:10 PM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: it's funny (regarding "selfishness")...
Posted by MrsH2009
Truthfully, I have never heard "someone to take care of me when I'm older as a reason" for having children. Maybe I'm just naive, but I can't imagine that anyone would want their child to have such a financial and emotional burden. I think most parents, at least those that I know both young and older, hope to provide for their children forever.
ETA: I'm not trying to start drama, we have no children ourselves yet, I've truly just never heard this.
I've heard it a bunch of times -- it's unbelievable to me.
My DH's family is like this - they believe it's the children's job to take care of them.
One of the stupidest reasons I've ever heard to have kids came from DH's 10 year old little brother, who was regurgitating what my FIL said.
FIL was saying how we need to have kids soon because having them after 30 is "way too dangerous" and then DH's brother said, "Poppy says you have kids so they can continue to live your life for you."
I said "How can someone else live YOUR life for you? It's YOUR life, it doesn't belong to anyone else."
He seemed quite confused.
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| Posted 7/22/10 8:55 AM |
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MrsH2009
Thank you St. Gerard!
Member since 8/09 6631 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: it's funny (regarding "selfishness")...
That is ridiculous. I guess it's just that financially I will never be as well off as my parents, and my sister is only 21 and still in college so she certainly can't help out anytime soon. That's why I never thought of that reason why someone would want kids.
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| Posted 7/22/10 9:52 AM |
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marianne13
LIF Adolescent
Member since 6/10 887 total posts
Name:
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Re: it's funny (regarding "selfishness")...
I don't see how not having kids is selfish. I think it's so selfish when people say you have kids so you can have someone to take care of you. I think that's selfish..having kids and expecting them to stay in the same town as you so they can take care of you. If you have kids, it is their business when they become adults to do whatever they want and live wherever they want (even if it's halfway around the world)..if a parent gets mad that their child is going to live their life and not take care of them, then that's selfish!
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| Posted 7/27/10 10:44 AM |
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