i need some opinions of the "other side"

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Message edited 8/12/2010 11:10:50 PM.

Re: i need some opinions of the "other side"

Maybe it's because I'm a skeptic about such things or I have never been a parent, but I don't believe in the "it's meant to be" idea. I also don't believe that giving birth to a child means you'll never resent or regret them. If that were the case, there would be no neglected or abused children in the world. You sound like enough of a realist that you understand I'm not talking about you per se. But I do know someone who resents at least one of her children, has admitted it, and who clearly treats that one child differently than the others. It's a shame to see.

I do wish you luck in your decision and hope you take enough time to get over your initial shock so you can make the right one with your husband. And the right one, is whatever both of you decide, regardless of what anyone else says or feels.

I also hope your surgery is a success and I'm very sorry you are going through that, and all the other challenges you are facing.

Re: i need some opinions of the "other side"

Posted by greenfreak

Maybe it's because I'm a skeptic about such things or I have never been a parent, but I don't believe in the "it's meant to be" idea. I also don't believe that giving birth to a child means you'll never resent or regret them. If that were the case, there would be no neglected or abused children in the world. You sound like enough of a realist that you understand I'm not talking about you per se. But I do know someone who resents at least one of her children, has admitted it, and who clearly treats that one child differently than the others. It's a shame to see.

I do wish you luck in your decision and hope you take enough time to get over your initial shock so you can make the right one with your husband. And the right one, is whatever both of you decide, regardless of what anyone else says or feels.

I also hope your surgery is a success and I'm very sorry you are going through that, and all the other challenges you are facing.

Re: i need some opinions of the "other side"

I think you need to give yourself a little time to let this sink in before making any decisions.

We can all tell you what we would do -- but few, if any, of us have been in this situation, and none of us are you.

I have never wanted children. I don't dislike them or anything like that. I just have always known they weren't for me and never had a desire to have any of my own kids. Still, I think children are absolutely amazing creatures, and if I wound up in a position where I was pregnant, I think I know deep down inside I would have and raise the child. I also think I know I would spend several days or longer freaking out before ever coming to peace with that decision.

I know it's irrational, but I tend to agree with a poster on the Parenting thread who said that someone, somewhere in the universe wants you to have this child. Then again, I am someone who does believe in fate and that everything happens for a reason - sometimes to a fault probably. If 3 forms of BC all failed on me, I'd probably convince myself I was giving birth to the second coming of Christ and clear off some space on my shelves for Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh... But I admit that type of thinking isn't based on reason and isn't necessarily rational.

All anyone can really do is say what they think they might do if they were in your shoes... but no one really knows your and your husband's sitaution intimately. Only you two can make this decision. And yes, I know it's your body, but please know that this decision, whatever it is, affects both of you and your marriage. I would definitely keep the lines of communication open with your DH and not rush into any decision.

I'm probably the last person on earth who should be giving you advice on this subject, being as I've never been a parent, never wanted to be a parent, and never have been in this situation... so take anything I say with a heaping tablespoon of salt. I do think all children are blessings - planned or not. I think it would be impossible for you to ever regret having this child, even if the timing is totally wrong in your opinion... I only say this b/c I have never known anyone who has regretted keeping their child, even if the situations surrounding their conception and births were less than ideal.

I just don't know what to say about terminating the baby. I know people who have had abortions and regretted them, and I have known people who have had abortions and are at peace with their decisions. They all say, though, that they think about it often. Again, having never been in that situation either, I can only speak to what I have heard, which is probably not worth a whole lot. I don't know if it's something you could make peace with, your husband could make peace with, etc. I am NOT saying or implying you wouldn't be able to do that. I'm simply saying I don't know -- b/c I am not you.

I think the best advice is to keep the lines of communication open with your DH and to take your time making any decisions. Wait for the shock and "newness" of the BFP to wear off before making any decisions.

Good luck.

Re: i need some opinions of the "other side"

ITA with greenfreak

Just wanted to add my POV-

Saying "it's meant to be" is like saying all the women out there that have infertility issues aren't meant to be mothers.

Sadly, I've seen the results of unwanted kids... regrets, resentment, etc.
It does happen and I've seen it happen to good families

I know many people who have made the decision to terminate with absolutely no regrets.

I'm married, we both have decent jobs and a nice home. We are very careful to make sure we don't get PG. If it did happened... I'd terminate with no regrets. I have my reasons and that's all I need.

I've also known people that have gotten pregnant accidentally and have had the baby with no regrets.

What I'm saying is...

You make whatever decision you need to.... don't let anyone tell you what's wrong or right. Only you know what's best for you

Re: i need some opinions of the "other side"

I can't imagine the stress you both are under right now. I'm sure you must be totally at a loss. If it was me i'd seek counseling, on my own, just to vent and maybe talk it out with someone not emotionally invested in the situation.

If I had my druthers dh would get a vas but he's a doctorphobe. We take precautions not to get pg, but if I did I would not have a child, and I believe I would be ok with this (but of course you never know how you'll feel until you are really in the situation). We don't want children, I never want to be pg or give birth.

for you and your dh

Re: i need some opinions of the "other side"

Re: i need some opinions of the "other side"

Your honesty is actually refreshing. People do not understand what a commitment a child is. No one admits to how hard it is.

You are being honest and IMO unselfish by admitting you can't handle it.

First, got to the Dr and make sure it's BFP. It may be chemical.

secondly, do what you think is right.
If having an abortion is a sin..why do I see women who have so many have healthy multiple kids and a GREAT life?

Message edited 7/31/2010 2:26:26 PM.

Re: i need some opinions of the "other side"

Message edited 7/31/2010 3:03:08 PM.

Re: i need some opinions of the "other side"

Deleted because I read the updates in the OP's thread...

Message edited 8/8/2010 10:18:50 AM.

Re: i need some opinions of the "other side"