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Elizabeth
Mom of Three
Member since 9/05 7900 total posts
Name:
"MOMMY!!!"
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WWYD? teacher related UPDATED
I was taking a braid out of my DD's hair tonight and she wanted to see the kinks it made in her hair so she went in the bathroom. I heard her say "I never realized I didn't have a cute face." That's so not her so I assumed another kid said something mean. So I asked her and she said her teacher said it to her - she said her teacher told her "You don't have a cute face, you have a bright face". Wow...would a teacher really say this? I asked her to tell me exactly what happened and she said it was a few days ago when they were in a reading circle. I asked her if it bothered her and she said it did. If she was prone to telling stories or was the type to misconstrue things, it would be one thing but she's pretty perceptive and usually gets things, even subtle comments. Of course she still could have misunderstood, she is only 6 but what would you do? If I ask the teacher, and she did say something in a bad way, she's not going to tell me. If she didn't, I'm guessing she'd be quick to clarify. If she's a pathological psychotic liar who enjoyed putting down a 6 year old, she could also quickly "clarify" - so what do I say? It was so sad to hear her in the other room saying those words about herself. I wish she said it was another kid but for her to think her teacher said something bad about her looks is not good so I have to get some clarification, no? FTR, she is very cute!!
Message edited 9/28/2010 1:47:04 AM.
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Posted 9/24/10 9:05 PM  |
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jenny
L O V E
Member since 4/06 2784 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: WWYD? teacher related
Hi - I'm not trying to "defend" the teacher but is it possible the teacher wanted to get the point across that being bright (smart) is maybe in her opinion better that being cute??
It's a strange comment nonetheless but since you say DD's cute, I'm sure it wasn't meant to be an insult. People, even teachers, do say dumb things.
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| Posted 9/24/10 9:40 PM |
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Elizabeth
Mom of Three
Member since 9/05 7900 total posts
Name:
"MOMMY!!!"
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Re: WWYD? teacher related
I hope she misunderstood, I am not ready to burn the teacher at the stake (yet). Either way something needs to be said to DD, she really seemed so sad. But she said she said it in front of the whole class so I am curious what other input can be provided by one of her friends. She has 3 of her good friends and 3 other Daisy Scouts from her troop in her class. Not sure if it will muddy the waters further to get input from other 6 yr olds.
Posted by jenny
since you say DD's cute, I'm sure it wasn't meant to be an insult.
Well I think so...I'm her Mom though so of course I'm not going to say she's homely.  Which she isn't but maybe her teacher thinks so... jeez I hate this, I might have to kick this teacher's azz to defend my kid's cuteness (kidding!!! no one report me please)
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| Posted 9/24/10 9:51 PM |
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Re: WWYD? teacher related
ohhhhhhh helllll nooooooooooooooooo
I'll go over there and smack her in the face right now FOR you. I don't get how that could be misconstrued. It's not like your daughter said the teacher pointed out that another girl was pretty and then said she had a "bright" face...she said, according to your DD, that she didn't have a cute face.
Totally inappropriate, I don't get why that would even be a freaking topic to talk about with kids.
I'd be all over that in a hot second. I'd rather look dumb and wrong then right...
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| Posted 9/24/10 10:20 PM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: WWYD? teacher related
I am crazy and don't think I am going to be able to handle a mother/teacher relationship at all.
I would write a note or email to teacher.
Ms. XX,
I appreciate you telling my daughter that she has a bright face. If you could also work in the word pretty, that would be appreciated.
She has been upset for a few days that she does not have a cute face.
Maybe you could help out.
Thanks
signed,
mother of an impressionable little girl
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| Posted 9/25/10 12:34 PM |
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Elizabeth
Mom of Three
Member since 9/05 7900 total posts
Name:
"MOMMY!!!"
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Re: WWYD? teacher related
Posted by Janice
I am crazy and don't think I am going to be able to handle a mother/teacher relationship at all.
I would write a note or email to teacher.
Ms. XX,
I appreciate you telling my daughter that she has a bright face. If you could also work in the word pretty, that would be appreciated.
She has been upset for a few days that she does not have a cute face.
Maybe you could help out.
Thanks
signed,
mother of an impressionable little girl
eh...I don't think this is the best approach. I don't know 100% sure what was said or if my DD misinterpreted being the big factor. I cannot assume that she had it right, I just need to dig deeper. Plus - I don't care if the teacher says she's pretty, cute, bright...I just don't want her telling her she's not any of the above. The more I think about it, the more I think that she might have misunderstood bc I cannot fathom a teacher saying that however I will still see what she has to say. And no matter what, my DD needs an explanation from the teacher. if she misunderstood, the teacher needs to clarify with my DD more than me. If she did say it, then that's pretty effed up. I'm not looking to start with her, she has a very good reputation and has been doing a feelings thing with the kids with a face and they have to show how they feel so it could have been during that?? I was watching my stinker playing soccer today and I was thinking that anyone who would say that's not a cute face is insane. But I keep thinking of her saying to herself from the other room "I never realized I didn't have a cute face" 
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| Posted 9/25/10 4:22 PM |
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twicethefun
Loving life
Member since 7/06 4088 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD? teacher related
This is what I am thinking.... As a teacher I would NEVER want to hurt a child's feelings so I am thinking there is a misunderstanding. I can not imagine what...because it just seems so wrong that the teacher would say that.
Maybe she was referring to a facial expression. Like not being cute, but instead looking thoughtful. Maybe she was trying to describe an expression and came off wrong. Either way she needs to fix her mistake. Your poor little girl should not feel bad about herself. I am sorry that she has been pondering this for days. Good thing she told you so that you can now help.
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| Posted 9/25/10 9:06 PM |
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mathteach
Roll Tide!
Member since 8/08 3169 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: WWYD? teacher related
Posted by twicethefun
This is what I am thinking.... As a teacher I would NEVER want to hurt a child's feelings so I am thinking there is a misunderstanding. I can not imagine what...because it just seems so wrong that the teacher would say that.
Maybe she was referring to a facial expression. Like not being cute, but instead looking thoughtful. Maybe she was trying to describe an expression and came off wrong. Either way she needs to fix her mistake. Your poor little girl should not feel bad about herself. I am sorry that she has been pondering this for days. Good thing she told you so that you can now help.
I tend to agree with this. As a teacher I am always looking for ways to show girls that smart is important. Maybe the teacher saw an opportunity to do this and things didn't pan out quite the way she wanted.
I'm so you were both upset.
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| Posted 9/25/10 10:06 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD? teacher related
Knowing things get misinterpreted, I would give the benefit of the doubt, write a note to clarify. It could have been that she was using her as an example of an "opinion" since they go over fact vs opinion at some point.
If dd is right, then I'd probably write something along the lines of
"While everyone has their opinion about people's appearance, I'd appreciate if you would keep your back-handed compliments regarding my daughter to yourself."
& cc the principal.
I'm debating an email to the teacher & cc the principal over an incident with my son or if I should go to the principal or school counselor directly. I did speak to her on the phone & it turns out that my son was right . She tore him down in front of a group of kids. This weekend, I overheard a few of his classmates talking about her intentionally embarassing another child (not Joseph) in front of the class. It's difficult for me to contain my anger at the thought of my working so hard to boost my son's ego & to think of some teacher tearing him down. It's not even an option to let it go.
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| Posted 9/26/10 4:41 AM |
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Elizabeth
Mom of Three
Member since 9/05 7900 total posts
Name:
"MOMMY!!!"
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Re: WWYD? teacher related
Posted by mathteach
Posted by twicethefun
This is what I am thinking.... As a teacher I would NEVER want to hurt a child's feelings so I am thinking there is a misunderstanding. I can not imagine what...because it just seems so wrong that the teacher would say that.
Maybe she was referring to a facial expression. Like not being cute, but instead looking thoughtful. Maybe she was trying to describe an expression and came off wrong. Either way she needs to fix her mistake. Your poor little girl should not feel bad about herself. I am sorry that she has been pondering this for days. Good thing she told you so that you can now help.
I tend to agree with this. As a teacher I am always looking for ways to show girls that smart is important. Maybe the teacher saw an opportunity to do this and things didn't pan out quite the way she wanted.
I'm so you were both upset.
Yes the more I think, I think it cannot be the case and she has a very good rep. I know there are bad teachers out there but I think for the most part, this is something a teacher would never say. But you never know...
So do I have her call me? send her a note? I can probably tell more if I speak to her on the phone since she would be less able to think about what she wants to write back esp if she did say this and I can't exactly write a note accusing her of saying it. It's hard bc I don't even know the teacher yet so I have no feel for her at all.
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| Posted 9/26/10 10:00 AM |
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Elizabeth
Mom of Three
Member since 9/05 7900 total posts
Name:
"MOMMY!!!"
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Re: WWYD? teacher related
Posted by nrthshgrl
I'm debating an email to the teacher & cc the principal over an incident with my son or if I should go to the principal or school counselor directly. I did speak to her on the phone & it turns out that my son was right. She tore him down in front of a group of kids. This weekend, I overheard a few of his classmates talking about her intentionally embarassing another child (not Joseph) in front of the class. It's difficult for me to contain my anger at the thought of my working so hard to boost my son's ego & to think of some teacher tearing him down. It's not even an option to let it go.
Ugh! I'm sorry... yes, it's so hard bc their self-esteem can be affected by others and it's worse if it's a person who you weren't expecting to do it. You kind of expect stuff to happen with other kids but when they look up to teachers as safe and encouraging people it's more of a blow to their egos.
How did you find out the teacher did tear Joseph down? She admitted it on the phone?
That's my dilemma at the moment with it - was it misunderstood or not.
Message edited 9/26/2010 10:10:46 AM.
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| Posted 9/26/10 10:10 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD? teacher related
Posted by Elizabeth
How did you find out the teacher did tear Joseph down? She admitted it on the phone?
I called her & asked her about what he said. It was something along the lines of "well, I'm sure Joseph isn't listening. No matter what I see he ignores me. He never listens" Really? Never? It's the 2 week of school, you old bat.
When I spoke to her on the phone, she said she did say that because he wasn't behaving. He was running around & not listening to their guide. I'm fine with her pulling him to the side & taking him to task but not in front of everyone because it actually makes it worse. If he's thinks she thinks he's not going to behave, he won't. When we talk about how responsible he is, he cleans his room, etc. I wrote that in the "About Joseph" section for the being of the year, which she did read.
Honestly, if she had told me he wasn't behaving, we handle it immediately. He's been suspended from all screen time for weeks, I've written a note to give him extra homework for the weekend because he forgot his homework during the week. I wouldn't have thought twice about telling him if he behaved like that again, he's missing the next field trip. Those are the right kind of punishments. I'm fine with being the bad guy.
As for the other kid she embarassed, she was playing SKUNK (a math game but using dice) with the class & one of the kids asked if this was kind of ilke a gambling game because his parents told him he wasn't allowed to play games. She said "Well we all have to play. if you're not going to play - than one kid is going to ruin it for the rest of the 24 kids in the class." How about just telling him it's not gambling???
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| Posted 9/26/10 12:50 PM |
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laurabora
LIF Adult
Member since 4/07 2712 total posts
Name:
Laura
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Re: WWYD? teacher related
Hmm, well I think I would just mention to the teacher after school that DD was upset because she thinks she doesn't have a cute face. I'd say something to the effect of, "I'm sure she misunderstood you because she's only six, but maybe you could clarify it to her when you have a chance so she understands."
That way the teacher A) will be able to help fix the issue if it is a misunderstanding or B) will know you are aware of what she said and she'll hopefully not say something like that in the future.
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| Posted 9/27/10 9:35 PM |
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Elizabeth
Mom of Three
Member since 9/05 7900 total posts
Name:
"MOMMY!!!"
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Re: WWYD? teacher related
I spoke to the teacher and she seemed surprised that my DD would misunderstand her bc she finds my DD to be very sharp. She said she always says stuff like "You're not only pretty you're bright" which is not what my DD said but she said she must have misunderstood. DD was pretty adamant about what the teacher said. I don't know if the teacher is lying...I still cannot assume she is obviously bc I asked her and she said this wasn't said. It bothers me bc if she said something and DD is now being told "Oh no I didn't say that" and I am saying "she says she didn't mean it/say it that way" I feel like I am sending her a message to not go with her gut or what she knows is true. Yes, she's only 6 but in general she's very concise and expresses herself well. I asked her if her teacher spoke to her today and she said yes, but she seemed skeptical. Part of me still finds it hard to believe a teacher would say something mean to a 6 year old but then I realize there are all kinds of people out there, and teachers are people so it's possible. Whatever the case, I don't see any good coming from continuing to question her on the matter.
I'll keep my sensors out on this one for now.
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| Posted 9/28/10 1:46 AM |
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Re: WWYD? teacher related UPDATED
Posted by Elizabeth
I spoke to the teacher and she seemed surprised that my DD would misunderstand her bc she finds my DD to be very sharp. She said she always says stuff like "You're not only pretty you're bright" which is not what my DD said but she said she must have misunderstood. DD was pretty adamant about what the teacher said. I don't know if the teacher is lying...I still cannot assume she is obviously bc I asked her and she said this wasn't said. It bothers me bc if she said something and DD is now being told "Oh no I didn't say that" and I am saying "she says she didn't mean it/say it that way" I feel like I am sending her a message to not go with her gut or what she knows is true. Yes, she's only 6 but in general she's very concise and expresses herself well. I asked her if her teacher spoke to her today and she said yes, but she seemed skeptical. Part of me still finds it hard to believe a teacher would say something mean to a 6 year old but then I realize there are all kinds of people out there, and teachers are people so it's possible. Whatever the case, I don't see any good coming from continuing to question her on the matter.
I'll keep my sensors out on this one for now.
I was just thinking of you. I'm glad you provided an update. I know you're a good mommy, and I agree with you to keep your sensors out.
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| Posted 9/28/10 4:32 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD? teacher related UPDATED
I'm glad you followed up. It does sound like a reasonable answer but glad you're keeping an eye out just in case.
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| Posted 9/28/10 8:32 PM |
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RMA9728
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/08 863 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD? teacher related UPDATED
I'm glad you followed up with the teacher. I can say that as a kindergarten teacher sometimes kids do mix up what you say. I told my class that we will not be eating until after art today and one of the little girls went home and said that I told the class that we won't be eating today. The parent called my principal to complain and it took us awhile to figure out what happened.
Thankfully I had my para with me and we realized how the little girl got mixed up. We were trying to teach them about the schedule for the day and I said we won't eat until after art so they would know when lunch would be.
It sometimes happens. In the end though as a mommy of three, if something doesn't feel right always go with your mommy instinct. Good luck!
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| Posted 9/29/10 5:38 AM |
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