Being here at work is pure torture.....

I found out I lost my baby and had a D&C all in one day (Friday)....and today is my first day back and my head is just not here. Besides my boss noone knows what I went thru. Some people asked-- I told them I had stomach problems Friday.

Any free moment my brain gets.....it diverts to what had to happen to me.......and cant help but fight back tears.

I have a long 4 hours before I can just let go....and I dont even have tinted windows.

I want to be happy again! And I cant...........

I have no desire to hear how anyones weekend went, or what you did, and I have no desire to be anywhere or do anything unless its with DH.

I feel like if Im not with him, Im extra sad.

What a journey I have in front of me. Just when I thought my extremely long 3-year journey was over, I have to start all over again! My head wants to give up and say "FU".......but deep down....I know that's not what I want.

Thanks for the vent. I had to or else I wouldve burst out crying......so typing this eased me a bit.

Re: Being here at work is pure torture.....

I totally know where u are coming from. I found out on thursday and had my d&c on fri as well. I stayed home today bc I couldn't get out of bed. I am dreading every minute I will have to spend there tomorrow. I wish I could just stay home till I am ready to go back. My bday is wed and I'm dreading that. Evryone wants to celebrate and I want to just sleep. If you want to vent talk feel free to fm.

Re: Being here at work is pure torture.....

Im so sorry!! I hope your boss was at least understanding. If you can, maybe take another day off to try and get yourself together. It's not easy but sometimes keeping your mind occupied helps...

Re: Being here at work is pure torture.....

I know how you feel, when I went through it in July it was torture, if need be can you take a few days off from work just to be with family/dh/loved ones and get back to feeling better ,that helped me a lot

This was a loss, you need time to grieve and feel those feelings, we are all here to help you!

Re: Being here at work is pure torture.....

i am so sorry

we had a mc in june..im not going to say i know what will make u feel better cause i dont...everything people said to me that day went in one ear and out the other..i didnt want to hear from everyone..oh next time..or this was not ur baby..those comments made me feel worse..

all i can say to you is that time will make u feel better..im 3 months from it and still have my sad days..but i time i dealt with it

we are all here for you and if u ever need to talk please fm me

Re: Being here at work is pure torture.....

Just wanted to say I am so sorry for what you are going through. Spend some extra time with DH and you will get through this together. I am so sorry....

Re: Being here at work is pure torture.....

I took days off btwn but I was still a mess the day I returned. I think it's 2 part..the first is the loss itself and the second is the hormones. No one who hasn't gone through it understands and only time helps. Take the time you need, hold your DH tight. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. If you want to chat, send me FM.

Message edited 9/27/2010 8:59:42 PM.

Re: Being here at work is pure torture.....

i found out my pregnancy wasnt viable while i was at work and i stayed and toughed out the day cause i work for a startup and at the time was one of only 4 employees. if i didnt stay none of my work wouldve been done...

i wasnt far along but after a year of TTC and fertility treatments i was still heartbroken. it was so difficult. i eventually miscarried and was still miscarrying on my birthday. i couldnt wait for it to be over.

the only thing that heals is time. you never fully heal i dont think, but it does get better. dealing with the pain, acceptance, and time. thats all i can offer. i am sorry you are going through this. i am sorry anyone has to go through this.

Re: Being here at work is pure torture.....

I'm sorry hun!!

It's def tough getting back to work after going through something so terrible.



I took off for a week or so after my 1st m.c. I remember I felt like that wasnt enough time...it was tough.

Maybe you can give yourself a few more days to juststay home with DH.

Re: Being here at work is pure torture.....

I am so sorry for your loss. I miscarried and had a D & C in August and I felt the way that you are decribing. I took a few days off and then went back to work and was not ready and had to leave, you should take the time that you need. I also never told anyone at work. its a huge loss and you need to time to grieve. You wont be over it in a few days, but everyday gets easier. i did not think it would but it did and this board really helped me get through. Sending

Re: Being here at work is pure torture.....

Thanks guys! Your understanding means so much and this board is extremely helpful for someone that has to go thru such heartache.

Tomorrow is Wednesday........we are getting there. Just cant wait for the weekend to start!!!

Its gotta get better from here, right???

Re: Being here at work is pure torture.....

No advice, just

It sucks