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twicethefun
Loving life
Member since 7/06 4088 total posts
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Playdates- wdyd?
What do you do when your dc wants playdates with children whose parents you do not care for?
Lets say either you don't trust the parents with your child OR youd o not want the parents over and they don't seem to do drop-offs?
How do you make it clear that a playmate is meant to be a drop-off?
How about if you say its a drop off, but then they respond with, "No, I would like to stay." Do cancel or suck it up?
ETA: Referring to elementary school kids.
TIA
Message edited 10/13/2010 7:32:56 AM.
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Posted 10/13/10 7:30 AM  |
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CathyB
Member since 5/05 19403 total posts
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Re: Playdates- wdyd?
There is one particular friend of DD's that I can not stand the mother. To make DD happy I suck it up and try to keep the conversation to very light topics for the duration of the playdate.
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| Posted 10/13/10 7:34 AM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: Playdates- wdyd?
When scheduling the playdate I usually say "NoNo was hoping to play with X this weekend.. would you want to drop him off Saturday for a while?"
If they stay anyway I am a polite hostess. I give them a beverage and a snack - lunch if I'm serving to the boys. I chat about school, the kids and the weather. I've only had a few instances where someone has said something so dopey or ignorant that I could not ignore it - in which case I tilt my head to the side make a little frown and say "Pardon me?" as though I could not have possibly heard them correctly. This is a cue to retract or say nevermind and they usually take it. If not I just say "I don't agree" or "Really.." and change the subject
I do not allow my children to have unsupervised playdates at homes of people I don't trust or like. Ever.
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| Posted 10/13/10 7:47 AM |
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ChrisDee
My Girls
Member since 11/06 9543 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Playdates- wdyd?
Once DD#1 was in elementary school, I can not remember a parent wanting to stay for a playdate.(Other than friends, of course) Can this child come home on your DD's school bus? Then you can just tell the parent to pick them up at a certain time. Most after school playdates come home on our bus.
I would never deny my child a friend because of me not liking the parent unless it effected DD's safety.
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| Posted 10/13/10 7:47 AM |
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twicethefun
Loving life
Member since 7/06 4088 total posts
Name:
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Re: Playdates- wdyd?
This is bigger than parents saying stupid things. This is nutty parents who want to control the world to have it revolve around their perfect child. Seriously, the kids are fine, but two of the moms I am dealing with are beyond annoying, and I did have playdates with them last year several times but had to back out of the group because of all their gossip and complaining. It gave me such stress last year.
Now one of them does not speak to me because I stood up to her. My son still likes the boys which is great and I do not want him to know about the moms. But how do I deal with it.
The mother who is still speaking to me has approached me for a playdate.
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| Posted 10/13/10 9:07 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Playdates- wdyd?
I would suck it up or have a playdate outside of the house (park, etc). I don't know anyone in elementary school that goes on the kid's playdates with them. It was drop offs only.
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| Posted 10/13/10 10:18 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Playdates- wdyd?
Posted by twicethefun
The mother who is still speaking to me has approached me for a playdate.
Approached you for a playdate at your house?
I like the suggestion to ask if she'd like to drop him off for a playdate. It outlines your expectations.
If you don't like her - even if you find her overly gossipy - I probably won't have my kids on a playdate at her house.
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| Posted 10/13/10 12:26 PM |
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twicethefun
Loving life
Member since 7/06 4088 total posts
Name:
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Re: Playdates- wdyd?
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by twicethefun
The mother who is still speaking to me has approached me for a playdate.
Approached you for a playdate at your house?
I like the suggestion to ask if she'd like to drop him off for a playdate. It outlines your expectations.
If you don't like her - even if you find her overly gossipy - I probably won't have my kids on a playdate at her house.
No, she asked me if my ds could come over her house. But I don't really want him there, because of stories I have heard straight from the her mouth. I do not fear for his safety, but for his emotional well-being if that makes sense. Its not that big of a deal...maybe he could go, but my dh is totally against it. I can't fully describe it without too many details.
I do not want to let my son know that I do not like the mom's but what do I do?
Would you tell dc that he can't have a playmate because of the mom? Should I lie to ds and keep telling him that the other mom said no. I imagine he will tell his friend and figure it out. Or maybe he will tell his friends that I do not like so and sos mom 
I do not want to gossip about these two women but I do want to disassociate from them. KWIM?
Thanks again
Message edited 10/13/2010 1:10:02 PM.
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| Posted 10/13/10 1:08 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Playdates- wdyd?
Posted by twicethefun
I do not want to let my son know that I do not like the mom's but what do I do?
Would you tell dc that he can't have a playmate because of the mom? Should I lie to ds and keep telling him that the other mom said no. I imagine he will tell his friend and figure it out. Or maybe he will tell his friends that I do not like so and sos mom
I do not want to gossip about these two women but I do want to disassociate from them. KWIM?
Thanks again
I wouldn't tell them it's about the mom because kids talk - and it will come back to haunt you. Also while you may not like the mom, you want to go with the idea 'You don't have to like everyone but you have to be nice to them.' theory for your kids.
I would tell dc that we're busy & can't do a playdate that day. Busy can mean anything from doing homework, your cleaning the house to going grocery shopping. It doesn't mean you have to do something else.
I probably wouldn't tell that mom the real reason. Some may say it's better to be direct but having misjudged moms before I'm glad I kept that info between myself & DH.
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| Posted 10/13/10 2:12 PM |
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MrsGmomof3
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Member since 6/08 3290 total posts
Name:
Irrelevant
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Re: Playdates- wdyd?
Honestly, I would help my child find another friend to play withoutside of school. I have explained to them that they have friends from school who are school friends, and they have friends who are "out of school" friends too. The only playdates my kids have are with kids whose parents I know and trust. I will not drop them at someones home I am not comfortable with, and if I am not a "fan" of the mom, then I am not encouraging the friendship between the kids.
JMHO
Message edited 10/13/2010 2:42:22 PM.
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| Posted 10/13/10 2:41 PM |
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twicethefun
Loving life
Member since 7/06 4088 total posts
Name:
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Re: Playdates- wdyd?
Thanks everyone.
My son really wants a playdate with the other child. He has so many other friends but this one keeps coming up.
I think I will probably just tell him that he can't go on a playdate with the other child because I do not know his mom well enough. I have been telling him that he is too busy for a playdate with the child in the fall, but in the winter I know we will not be so busy and I honestly don't know how I will survive this year without suffering through another playmate. I guess.
He really has enough playdates to keep him busy> HE just wants to know why he can't with these two children.
I like the idea of defining those friends as "school friends" not for home. LOL Wonder if that will work.
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| Posted 10/13/10 4:09 PM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: Playdates- wdyd?
I don't know why you can't have the playdate at your house? Just call her and say "Johnny would love to have Jake over on Saturday. Would you be able to drop him off around noon? We'll feed him and you can pick him up anytime from 2-3!"
That way you are setting up clearly defined time frames for her to DROP the child off and leave.
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| Posted 10/13/10 4:27 PM |
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Moehick
Ready for the sun!
Member since 5/05 30339 total posts
Name:
Properly perfect™
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Re: Playdates- wdyd?
I think I am in the minority but when I encounter a parent I can not stand I don't do playdates. Kerri sees them at school and various other functions like birthday parties and I just don't do that one on one time.
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| Posted 10/13/10 5:54 PM |
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twicethefun
Loving life
Member since 7/06 4088 total posts
Name:
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Re: Playdates- wdyd?
Posted by rojerono
I don't know why you can't have the playdate at your house? Just call her and say "Johnny would love to have Jake over on Saturday. Would you be able to drop him off around noon? We'll feed him and you can pick him up anytime from 2-3!"
That way you are setting up clearly defined time frames for her to DROP the child off and leave.
I could try this, but I do not think the mother will go for it. She dos not even do drop offs with her 4th grader.
I'll give it a shot.
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| Posted 10/13/10 6:43 PM |
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twicethefun
Loving life
Member since 7/06 4088 total posts
Name:
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Re: Playdates- wdyd?
Posted by Moehick
I think I am in the minority but when I encounter a parent I can not stand I don't do playdates. Kerri sees them at school and various other functions like birthday parties and I just don't do that one on one time.
What do you tell Kerri?
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| Posted 10/13/10 6:44 PM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: Playdates- wdyd?
Posted by twicethefun
Posted by rojerono
I don't know why you can't have the playdate at your house? Just call her and say "Johnny would love to have Jake over on Saturday. Would you be able to drop him off around noon? We'll feed him and you can pick him up anytime from 2-3!"
That way you are setting up clearly defined time frames for her to DROP the child off and leave.
I could try this, but I do not think the mother will go for it. She dos not even do drop offs with her 4th grader.
I'll give it a shot.
That just stinks. Stinks for the kids, but I respect that you don't want to be around someone that you don't like. 
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| Posted 10/13/10 7:31 PM |
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