Please help me; poor behavior- very long!

Let me begin by giving you some background....

Rj was the only child for about 4yrs; he ALWAYS had our individual attention, and we "failed" at teaching him to play by himself.. He never was the type of kid who just sat and watched TV, but will sit for hours one on one and go over sight words...He NEEDS to be kept busy and could run around the backyard for hours...

Currently we are living with my inlaws while waiting to close on our house...My DH and I leave for work very early in the morning, and my MIL and FIL watch DS in the morning and put him on the bus. Any "rules" I had for my family; they do not enforce at all... (ex: no shoes in the house, no outside play after dinner, not being allowed in certain areas of the house)- I have pretty much bitten my tongue, as to not make things uncomfortable- but still continue to enforce those rules when I'm home w/ them.

My MIL also makes excuses EVERY time DS does something wrong...Its always someone else fault; whether its school, home-whatever; she always comments on how someone else is to blame... (ex: Rj pushed his baby brother; when I go to repremand him- she chimes in and says "its Brayden's fault- he was bothering him"... Brayden is 16 months old-seriously...Rj is 5!)

MIL and I have had it out a few times about this; but of course she doesnt feel she is wrong...Even if she keeps quiet when Im home, I have no idea what goes on when I leave in the morning...

Ok- so anyways... lately Rj's behavior is out of control... Its mostly when everyone is home and he is not getting individual attention... (if I take him into the playroom just me and him and play a game- the behavior instantly stops...)
He runs around, screaches on the top of his lungs, climbs the furniture, pushes his brother, drags his brother across the floor, takes things from him, hits us, says disrespectful things and is just overall acting like a BRAT!

In the past- time out in his bedroom; with the timer set to the minutes of his age (so 5 min); and a serious "talk" has been successful... I have even taken away his outside play time, as an extreme punishment and that usually works...but lately none of that is working...

I have noticed that the past few weeks have been the absolute worst and thats when the halloween candy's been around... My inlaws are constantly brining home chocolate cupcakes, cookies, and cakes for him and giving them to him after school with a chocolate milk...- So last night I rid of all "junk"... there is nothing but fruit, nuts, cheese, crackers and yogurt in the house- Im hoping that will help the "wildness" but truthfully, since my child isnt really into junk food and never finishes a snack- I dont believe it will make a difference.

I tried talking to him... is it about attention? the baby? the changes? and I get NO WHERE! We spend one on one time together, every night doing homework, and then before bed we always read and either play a game or color...

I can not possibly walk through the door and only focus on him... I have another child, dinner to be cooked, bags to be packed for the following the day, and just an overall house to keep running...

He is doing well in school; he is learning alot, and was recently awarded with a special breakfast w/ the principle for being an enthusiastic learner... (only 3 kindergartners were chosen)...There has been 2 times at school where Rj had to be redirected to the activity; but I do not tie that into whats going on at home...

Lastly, Rj is in bed every night between 7-8pm; but wakes up around 5am (or earlier EVERY DAY) he gets up to go to the bathroom and then doesnt go back to sleep... Even on the weekends I try to "re-set" his clock by putting him to bed later, but w/o faill he is still up early the next day... Its a looonnnngggg day when he starts his at 5am, but going to bed at 7pm- he is still getting 10hrs of sleep...

Please help! Im at my wits end and feel like I have lost all control of my family... The nights are spent with everyone yelling, fighting, crying, and/or tantruming...

Any suggestions are greatly appreciated!

Re: Please help me; poor behavior- very long!

first want to offer some

My DS is almost 4 and DD is 2 1/2.

DS is doing GREAT in his 4 morning a week nursery school but I feel his behavior at home has gotten worse lately and DD's too. I'm thinking of reading 1-2-3 Magic. One on one their behavior is great but together they fight SO- it can be hard.

My situation will be similar to yours. We will live with our IL's soon after we sell our house while we close on our new one.... I'm extremely grateful but I know it will be tough to discipline in thier home- plus they have hoards of candy around - I can't ask them to remove it while we live there so I don't know how that will be.....

How much longer until you move into your new home? Your DS has had many changes lately - new baby, new living situation- maybe he is responding with his behavior to all the changes.

My only suggestion would be to sit down with DH and come up with a way to handle his behavior with your best guesses and sit down privately with you ILs all together and ask them to join your plan....ask for their help- and their ideas too- they might feel pleased that you want them as part of your team- KWIM?

Re: Please help me; poor behavior- very long!

What about using a reward chart. If he is good for a day he gets a sticker, at the end of 2 weeks you can take him to chuckecheese or something like that?

Re: Please help me; poor behavior- very long!

I think RJ has learned that he can totally get away with things when your in laws around and he may be taking advantage. He is pushing the limits to see how much he can get away with. I would have a talk with him letting him know your on to him and the behavior has to stop or he will be on timeout. If MIL steps in tell her to step on out!

Re: Please help me; poor behavior- very long!