New to the site sorry this is soo long and detailed.

Back in Aug 2008 my now Husband Joe and I found out 13 weeks pregnant with our first baby......he was so excited he must have told everyone he spoke to :) .Joe and I went for our eight week sonogram it was amazing i couldnt believe this little thing was growing inside of me.
Well just when i turned 12 weeks the nasuea had finally just started to leave and i was actually starting to get into it... until i was getting minor spotting not blood was just brown discharge which I was told by everyone not to panic it was normal as long as it wasnt blood.... And for the cramps i was told every thing from it prob being my uterus starting to stretch, being constipaited to gas pains you name it. Well in my 12th week i went for the down syndrome test and got my flu shot they check me out ( so i would stop calling them for every spot cramp or feeling that came to my head) and everything looked good.

The next week my 13th week which was last monday November 9,2008...i woke up went to work all achy kind of like flu aches or sleeping the wrong way all night and kinda crampy nothing painful felt like gas pains...I came home still didnt really feel right but i just kept remembering what everyone kept telling me ( how normal all these feelings and what not was) .....my fiance went out to play cards like any normal monday and i told him i would go lay down and sleep it off and call him if anything . I ended up calling Joe at like 2 am to come home and told him i didnt feel well that he needed to come home with tylonol that i couldnt take the headache and achyness anylonger...he came right home i had a fever of 99.9. We went to sleep (well if u can call it that) I woke up next morn and called my obgyn office and was told by the girl at the office to go see my reg dr she said it sounded like cold symptoms if it gets worse to call them back and they will take me right in. I went to my dr tuesday morn she gave me meds for a urinary track infection...that night Tuesday my fiance was at work I still was not felling well had cold sweats and called my friends mom my future mother in law , cousin anyone and everyone to calm me down ( i felt like if i was having a fever and burning up then my baby must be ten times hotter and by bundling up i would boil the baby or something) at around 10 pm or so i called Joe i was so uncomfortable with minor cramping and fever that spiked to 101.4 he called my dr she told him to tell me to go to the hospital.... my parents drove me there at 10 pm andjoe closed work and met us there we all sat in emergency room for about 2 an half hours.

Finally I was brought to a bed in the er got blood taken, urine tests and had to wait like another hour or so to get seen by the sonogram person which seemed to take forever.
Finally as I was about to say f it lets just leave and go to the obgyn in the morn we got called to the sono room. The women doing the sono said everything looks fine no stones kidneys and liver look great and then I saw my baby on the monitor and all my fears came to a halt when i heard the heart beat....I wanted so much to have Joe in there to hear and see our baby but he had to wait outside. The dr in the er said all looks fine my obgyn was in the hospital ( since this was our first pregnancy we didnt question that they didnt call her to come check me out) which we found out later on that she should have been called no matter what the sono said.... they sent me home at 4 30 am.

I came home took a colaids went to the bath room and went to bed (barely i was still cramping but managed to finally fall asleep) I woke up at 6 am because of a cramp and in my sleep i must have pushed because all of a sudden I felt this (well the only way to explain it felt like a water balloon came out of me) I thought i was gushing blood i jumped out of bed (joe was totally passed out from work all day and night and er till 4 30 and staying up with me till i fell asleep) i ran to the bathroom crying then noticed no blood so i thought i since i was cramping really bad while i was sleeping and subconsiously pushing in my sleep I thought that i just ended up going to the bathroom turns out it ended up being my water breaking.....they were the worst cramps ever (still never a though in my head that I was contracting , while sitting in the bathroom crying with so much pain for like a half hour I came back to bed crying joe woke from my cries and moans and askd what was wrong? I just kept saying the cramps are soooo bad and i think i ended up pushing so hard in my dream that i wet myself (not even thinking at 13 weeks my water could break like that . He told me to try to go back to the bathroom he thought i was just backed up ....i went back in my body broke out in sweats I was soaked crying and sitting there cramping and wanting to throw up at the same time I couldnt move or scream out to him i was contracting so hard and felt something come out i stood up and screamed for him to come ( that is when all hell broke out) he ran into the bathroom and i was crying sitting there and all i could muster up and say was i think i just had the baby.

He was in shock and was like what do you mean i said i felt something come out and told him everything i could while crying and said when i stood up I saw my baby was just semi out of me we were both in such a state of shock and have no idea what to do he told me to stand up so he could see and said to sit back down he yelled downstairs to my parents to come up and called my DR.... i was rushed to the er i was in such shock it felt so sureal i felt the baby keep coming out slowly while in the ambulance.
We got to the er and there were all these women around and said they were going to undress me and take a look...once they i was undressed I felt it my baby was gone and the cramps just kept coming back . Joe came in and all i wanted was drugs something to numb the pain...once i got injected with it , it kicked in within seconds, just then my obgyn came and she said she wanted to take a look then the rest came out and while i lay there in the er that was when it felt so real and felt like a piece of me had just died that day. I was in and out of it because of the drugs but as they started to wear off my gyno came in and spoke to joe and I she said she thinks everything came out but wants to do a d & C just to be sure.
I was released thursday and Joe brought me home and i went straight to bed since then have just felt so broken and just kept rehashing everything and beating myself up maybe it was something i ate , drank , breathed at work .
i so was so broken i just stayed home from work an in bed for a good month month.

Joe has been amazing during all of this and i dont know what i would do without him..... . I know our families mean well and love and care for us and i know he will help me through this for as long as it takes me to get over it but i hate to be a burden on him even though he says im not and that he would give anything for us to switch our grief during this situation...i just feel like i am taking away his grieving time away from him he says im not and says he is more worried about me and sorry that i went through it when in reality we both went through it .
We just got married this october and he is ready to start trying to have a baby( dont get me wrong i wan t a baby sooo bad but i am soo scared i dont think i could go through that again) I also dont know if when ever we do end up getting preg that i will b able to ejnoy it and not be worrying the entire time. thank you so much for taking the time to read all this i know it was very long and detailed...but i know my fam and friends are prob a lil tired of talking about it and it is nice to be able to see it all in writing its kinda of like venting an letting a lil more of the greif go.

Re: New to the site sorry this is soo long and detailed.

oh my goodness!! First of all, there are no words to console you after going through an ordeal like that. Of course it would be hard to try again. A natural m/c is hard for most women. Your experience is extremely tramatic.

Did the Drs ever give you an explanation? What happened that caused that? Sometimes knowing the reason puts logic into it and calms your fears...

You should try speaking with a therapist. It's not for everyone but with an your experience, it may help to speak to a professional to share your feelings and work through them. JMO.
Good luck to you.

Re: New to the site sorry this is soo long and detailed.

that must have been terrifying... i cant even being to imagine what it was like for you...

I wish i could hug you in person

Like Cat said... i also think you should speak to a therapist...

Re: New to the site sorry this is soo long and detailed.

That was so heart breaking to read i cant begin to imagine what it was like for you.

dont feel rushed to get back into ttc. speak with someone and make sure your ready emotionally

Re: New to the site sorry this is soo long and detailed.

Posted by AngnShaun

that must have been terrifying... i cant even being to imagine what it was like for you...

I wish i could hug you in person

Like Cat said... i also think you should speak to a therapist...

Re: New to the site sorry this is soo long and detailed.

I have no words, I am so sorry for your loss and what you went through. Sending you lots of

Re: New to the site sorry this is soo long and detailed.

Thank you ladies so much for taking the time to read and respond to my post.
Now i am watching my sister in law go through her preg she just found out the other day she was having a boy and I would never utter these words out of my mouth to anyone ..i am so happy for her and all of us in the family (but deep down i cant help but be a little bitter)
we just got married this October and he is more then ready to start trying again we we tried a few times no stress no ovulation kits but when i took a pg test i have to admit i really felt the (and kind of saw it in his face as well)...i am just so scared that if we do get preg what if it happens again ( it took me a long time to get on after my first one) i dont know if could handle it if it comes to that.

It is def nice to have a page like this and be able to vent to people who have gone through simliar things. Sometimes i feel (even though i know my fam and friends would never say it ) they must feel akward to constatnly talk about it and two yrs after they prob dont want to keep hearing about it ..so i dont .

Re: New to the site sorry this is soo long and detailed.

I'm so sorry for what you went through... it's a terrible thing and I know no matter what anyone tells you it doesn't make the pain go away. Just know that each pregnancy is different and I'm sure your next one will be just fine.
Good Luck!