How "on top" of their assignments do you stay?

Here's my dilemma. My DS (10 and in 5th grade) is a straight A/4+ student. Unfortunately, he figured out last year that because his grades are so high, he can occasionally skip doing a major assignment, like a book report or a social studies project because, since his grades are so high, it doesn't affect his overall grade too much.

Of course, we get a phone call home when this happens, he gets in huge trouble (all screens taken away for a week) and has to do whatever he didn't do.

He's been good about all his projects this year, until today. He had a social studies project that's due tomorrow that he never told me about. I saw "Timeline" written in his assignment book for the past few days and he told me it was something he was doing in school He didn't even bring home his social studies textbook!!!The project requires lots of equipment that I don't have on hand, and I would have to drag 3 kids out to Staples. I told him I'm not doing it. He has known about this project since October 29 and never said a word. He can deal with the consequences tomorrow in school.

Two questions:
1- Am I being too harsh? Would you go out and get him the materials he needs?

2- How far should I have gone with this?At 10, whose responsibility is it to make sure assignments are done?

Message edited 11/16/2010 4:16:45 PM.

Re: How "on top" of their assignments do you stay?

I don't think you're being too harsh. I would probably do the same.

Re: How "on top" of their assignments do you stay?

You're definitely not being too harsh...I would have done the exact same thing. Every action has a consequence, the only way they'll learn that is if they're made to suffer the consequences on their own.

Re: How "on top" of their assignments do you stay?

I also should add, the poor grade & teh consequences at school wouldn't be enough for me.

My punishment would probably equal the amount of time he blew off the assignment. no screen time for weeks. He may even have to do the project during that time - for no grade.

I understand procrastination - but he lied to you - no matter how much he tries to explain away the work he was doing in school.

Re: How "on top" of their assignments do you stay?

Re: How "on top" of their assignments do you stay?

I should probably put a disclaimer that I was the one that gave away his favorite toy when he was 4 - because he stole from a store.

I told him any child of mine that steals will have to pay the consequences - mine included.

So um...maybe I'm not the best judge

Re: How "on top" of their assignments do you stay?

I agree with you 100%. They have to learn all of life's lessons NOW and that means responsibility and accountability.

Good job Mom!

Re: How "on top" of their assignments do you stay?

I am ALL over DD(9) with her schoolwork. Should I have to be? No, but I am a control freak. It would KILL me to send her in without it done but I do think you are right. I would make him complete ASAP though. Even if his teacher isn't willing to take it. I think maybe a bigger punishment then you have given in the past is in order. Clearly, he has NOT learned his lesson.

Re: How "on top" of their assignments do you stay?

My kids are a bit younger so I'm not sure about if he should been completely responsible for staying on top of it. But I'm guessing yes since he knew about it since Oct 29th and you did not, like when they are younger and it's clear to the parent what's what - the school thinks they are ready and able to so I'd take my cue from that. But whatever the case, I think you were 100% right to let him deal with the consequences. It is my understanding that that is the bigger lesson and motivater for the future than scrambling to get it done on time. And straight A student or not, I would hope he is getting consequences at school for it as part of the lesson. Believe me, that has got to be so hard, my DS is in 3rd grade and is a very good student too but his time management/responsibility skills are lacking so we are still on top of him. I know we have to start relinquishing control at some point and are trying to do it here and there in small ways - but it's not easy.

I don't know how much your review his stuff currently on a daily basis - my niece is in 5th grade and my brother said she has massive amounts of homework each night and she sounds similar to your son with being bright and also ditching from time to time - but I would make him report to me each night until you know he's not skipping stuff. Just so he doesn't keep the pattern going, I'd be in close contact with the teacher on assignments until you can trust him with it.

Is he ditching from time to time bc he knows he can without affecting his grades and is willing to deal with the punishment? Or does he need more help with organization & time? management?

Re: How "on top" of their assignments do you stay?

Re: How "on top" of their assignments do you stay?

Re: How "on top" of their assignments do you stay?

Oh, he will complete it!!! I spoke to the teacher on the phone this morning and she said she will take 12 points off per day that it was late. So, at this point the best grade he can get is an 88.

I look at his assignment book every night (we have to sign it) and I saw that for the past week it said "Timeline" next to Social Studies. He told me it was something they were doing in school, so he lied.

He got into this habit of occasionally blowing off reports and stuff because he figured out mathematically what the assignments are worth, and that he would still get a good grade if he blew it off. The kid is too smart for his own good. He started this last year, because his teacher loved him and thought it was kind of funny that he had figured out to do this. We always made him do the assignment after we found out what happened, but his teacher would not penalize him for it.

This year's teachers seem to be much stricter, thank goodness. And I am furious at him for lying and assuming that I would just drop everything at 5pm the day before it was due to go get him supplies.

I really like Barb's advice about taking away screen time for the amount of time he didn't do the work... that way it's not arbitrary like 2 weeks or something. In his case it would be 19 days, and I think that's good. DH is a big fan of this as well. It stinks that we have to get harsher with this, but middle school starts next year, and if he doesn't learn now, he's going to be lost next year.

Thanks to everyone for the advice!!!