For lack of a better phrase..I'm bugging out!

Ava is almost 6 1/2 and Brody turned 2 in September. I will be 38 next month.

I had 2 terrible pregnancies- sick 24/7. So sick, that I was hesitant to even get pg the second time.

I decided to have my tubes tied during my c-section with Brody. Then to really seal the deal, I got a Breast Reduction and Tummy Tuck.

I have been very happy with my decision until Friday!

SIL and BIL announced during their visit that they are expecting #3. While I am very happy for them, it kind of flipped a switch in me.

I realized that I will never rock a newborn to sleep again. Never give a bath in my kitchen sink, etc,etc,etc..

Little girls are really getting to me lately. The sweet Holiday Dresses, little shoes, hair bows. The Princess Toys in the stores for Christmas.

Ava is practically a teenager. She doesn't like dresses any more, won't wear hair bows and only likes I Carly- Princesses are for babies!

I keep thinking- what if??? What if I had 1 more. What if I didn't tie my tubes???? What if I hadn't done it and there is another little girl/boy out there in the universe that could have been ours????

I would NEVER, I repeat NEVER want to be pregnant again, but if I could just close my eyes and have a new baby here, I would do it.

Is this normal? Am I freaking out because I did the wrong thing, or is this a natural feeling? Do I feel this way because I am entering a new stage in life? They won't need me as much? I will be able to pursue my career and other interests with slightly more freedom?

Part of me feels like- I had my babies and gave my heart and soul into raising them in the early years before they went to school- then when they are in school I will shrivel up and move into the old age home???

I probably sound like a crazy woman! But, this new baby announcement- well, it really just bugged me out!

Am I crazy? Anyone else feel this way? Thoughts? Advice? Number to the local Looney Bin??

Message edited 11/29/2010 10:34:19 PM.

Re: For lack of a better phrase..I'm bugging out!

Sounds totally normal to me. I was done, done, done & then I held a baby at a photoshoot....

I was right where you are. The only thing for me to remember is that I love where my life is right now. I love the place where my kids are - slightly independent, not totally independent.

Re: For lack of a better phrase..I'm bugging out!

Posted by nrthshgrl

Sounds totally normal to me. I was done, done, done & then I held a baby at a photoshoot....

I was right where you are. The only thing for me to remember is that I love where my life is right now. I love the place where my kids are - slightly independent, not totally independent.

Re: For lack of a better phrase..I'm bugging out!

I had a really hard time having my kids(mainly #2) and I also had Hyperemesis(severe morning sickness) both times, and had tons of p/g issues. I had my tubes tied after DD#2. I have never had a second thought. However, I could see how you would feel that way.

Re: For lack of a better phrase..I'm bugging out!

We are totally content with the DS and DD we have, and we had DH snipped this year. Sometimes I get nostalgic for those newborn days and have those little pangs (especially because 2 of my BFs had babies this year). But then I realized I only really craved parts of the baby experience, not the whole deal. I wanted to rock a newborn and carry one around in the bjorn... but I didn't want the sleepless nights, the lack of freedom, the whole starting from scratch thing, kwim?

Re: For lack of a better phrase..I'm bugging out!

I can TOTALLY see where you're coming from!

First of all, I always freak when I've gone and done something permanent...like getting my tattoos...or getting pregnant. So far, I've been happy with those things.

Even though I KNOW we're done having kids, I opted NOT to do the tubal against better judgement. I guess I thought in my mind, I could always fantasize that "What if..." Now due to several things, not the least of which are my age (which is yours ) and some complications which were revealed during the 3rd c-section, I am wondering if I should have gotten the tubes tied. So, you just can't win no matter what!!

Also, regarding the children...I feel the same way you do regarding the baby girl things...but who's to say either one of us would ever have another girl...ever? My older DD is 5 and the younger is 3.5 and now they just seem to BIG to me. I am so looking forward to watching them grow and for us to experience different things as a family, but a LARGE part of me is just so sad frequently that time is marching on...

So, my professional opinion is...you're normal!

Now, rocking newborns to sleep and the sink baths...I'm in the midst of that now and yeah, I'm thinking I might not miss that.