If you've had a highly anxious student, please come in (long)

My daughter is 6 years old and has severe anxiety issues. Her teacher and therapist both feel that they stem from her being a huge perfectionist. If a new topic is introduced or she doesn't know an answer (or gets something wrong) she gets extremely upset and immediately cries and has a hard time calming herself down.

At home DH and I make a big deal out of showing her when we make mistakes, and we will frequently make mistakes on purpose so she sees that it's ok to be wrong or mess up and nothing bad is going to happen. We've definitely seen improvements at home, which is good.

Her therapist has her trying to remember to take a deep breath and count to 10 to calm down. It works at home, but it seems that at school she's having a hard time remembering and still gets upset on a pretty regular (daily) basis. We are fortunate that she is in a small school and the principal and psychologist are aware of her needs and keep an eye on her when her teacher is out.

I was just wondering if anyone has had success with helping kids like this calm down. Maybe there is something else we can try with her that we haven't yet.

Thanks for any input. I worry so much about her and can't imagine how she's going to do in 1st grade when (I assume) tests in the classroom start.

Re: If you've had a highly anxious student, please come in (long)

I am not a teacher and do not know what advice I have for you. I can tell you that you are not alone. My 10yr is the same. She is VERY bright and is the oldest in her grade so, although I recognized this in her it did not really effect her until she was a little older(as far as school and tests are concerned) She was the kid that got 100 on every test from K all the way until the middle of 3rd grade. She began to struggle in math. It has been VERy difficult. There are lots of tears and breakdown both in school and at home. She too goes to therapy(she has had major self esteem issues since being bullied relentlessly by a boy for months in Kindergarten). We are trying all kinds of techniques and we have ups and downs. I have found that in school she does better sitting alone rather then in group(which is how the class is set up) She feels less pressure of others noticing that she does not know something. I really just wanted to say, that I totally get you and you are not alone. It is so hard to see your little one hurting

Message edited 3/16/2011 1:43:51 PM.

Re: If you've had a highly anxious student, please come in (long)

Thanks Christine. I feel bad for your DD1, but it's nice to hear that I'm not alone.

That's interesting that she does better sitting alone, my dd's class is set up in a few tables of 4 or 5 kids too. Her teacher does it so the kids get to know each other, and she moves them around every few months to sit with different kids. But now that you say that I can see why it would be easier sitting alone. Pretty much every kid in the class has asked me at one point or another why she cries so I don't want her singled out any more than she already is, but I'm going to find out if one of the 1st grade teachers sits them in desks rather than tables and maybe see if I can request them for next year.

Message edited 3/16/2011 8:10:21 PM.

Re: If you've had a highly anxious student, please come in (long)

Posted by CathyB

Thanks Christine. I feel bad for your DD1, but it's nice to hear that I'm not alone.

That's interesting that she does better sitting alone, my dd's class is set up in a few tables of 4 or 5 kids too. Her teacher does it so the kids get to know each other, and she moves them around every few months to sit with different kids. But now that you say that I can see why it would be easier sitting alone. Pretty much every kid in the class has asked me at one point or another why she cries so I don't want her singled out any more than she already is, but I'm going to find out if one of the 1st grade teachers sits them in desks rather than tables and maybe see if I can request them for next year.

Re: If you've had a highly anxious student, please come in (long)

I'm not a teacher but I have been in your daughters shoes. I was diagnosed at 8 with OCD and anxiety disorder. In addition to my parents working with the school and teachers, I also saw a social worker outside of school which I remember helped tremendously. Do you bring your daughter to one? I remember doing a lot of play therapy.

Ugh...it breaks my heart because I know how she feels. I pray my kids don't inherit my anxiety I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Re: If you've had a highly anxious student, please come in (long)

Posted by SupaBonBon

Posted by CathyB

Thanks Christine. I feel bad for your DD1, but it's nice to hear that I'm not alone.

That's interesting that she does better sitting alone, my dd's class is set up in a few tables of 4 or 5 kids too. Her teacher does it so the kids get to know each other, and she moves them around every few months to sit with different kids. But now that you say that I can see why it would be easier sitting alone. Pretty much every kid in the class has asked me at one point or another why she cries so I don't want her singled out any more than she already is, but I'm going to find out if one of the 1st grade teachers sits them in desks rather than tables and maybe see if I can request them for next year.

Just a teacher perspective here.

The buzz word is collaboration these days in education. We're basically told that kids should always sit in groups.

That being said, while I agree that anxiety is awful and kids can be merciless, I almost think it would be worse to sit a child by themself. My experience has been that it makes some kids an easier target. Kids love to ask "Why is she sitting there by herself....?"

Do you kids' teachers know about the anxiety issues? Definitely bring it to their attention if they don't. We can definitely work together to make things easier for your kids!

Re: If you've had a highly anxious student, please come in (long)

Her teacher definitely knows and is working with us. She's really good about it, in fact she's been out on a medical leave for the past few weeks and the weekend before it started she called us at home to let us know so we could prepare DD, and she gave us her home phone number in case DD really wanted to talk to her (with the stipulation that we not give it out to any other parents). And that was really good because DD cried a lot that day but was able to manage her anxiety the next day since she knew it would be a sub. And the sub knows too, I sent in a letter the first day and the regular teacher had told the principal she was going to call us at home and asked her to check in on DD and let the sub know. Our school has a perm. sub for the building so DD was already familiar with the sub which also helped.

I agree with not having her sit apart from everyone. I thought maybe it was just a Kindergarten thing, but she'll need to learn to work with it if this is the current trend.

In addition to the teacher and principal keeping their eyes on her, the school psychologist knows and we see a private therapist.

I just wish I could do more to help her, it kills me that she's so stressed out. She already has a grey hair, she's only 6!

Re: If you've had a highly anxious student, please come in (long)

as far as the calming down part... Maybe she needs a transitional device to remind her about the deep breaths/counting? With some kids, an object, like a bracelet or special ring - if it isn't a distraction- can help serve as a reminder of what she can do at school if she feels anxious.