How do you do it? UPDATE 8/1

Update: I started spotting after I posted this. It was brown and not often so I figured I'd wait before calling the doctor since it was hopefully nothing to worry about. Then yesterday it was pink spotting and I got really scared. I showed my husband and I could tell he went into a panic as well :( I called the doctor and got the answering service which wasn't really a help since my doctor wasn't on call. We decided to go the ER so they could check on things. I felt a little silly, like I might be overreacting but I didn't care. Between the spotting and feeling better (not normal but better) I was scared. They did an abdominal sonogram right away and the baby looked great. Baby was moving around like crazy and we could really start to see the arms, legs and the cord. It was amazing to see and I was so relieved. I measured a few days ahead, instead of 10w4d it was more like 11w2d which they told me was fine and the heart was beating strong and the baby had good movement. No sign of blood anywhere. They checked my cervix and it was tight and closed but looked irritated so the spotting was most likely from that. I'm not sure how it got irritated since we have been abstaining since I got pregnant but the ER doctor said the cervix is fragile during pregnancy and can just become irritated.

It was a very scary day but everything is still looking okay. I can't believe how easy it is to freak out after a loss :(

My next appt is in 18 days. I'm 10 weeks and I am starting to feel a little better. I still have symptoms but the vomiting has stopped and the queasiness is becoming bearable which is freaking me out a little. I think if I felt as sick as I did at 6 weeks I'd be a little less nervous. I was feeling better around weeks 8 and 9 and we saw the baby both times looking good so I'm trying not to get too worried about the lack of constant nausea.

I'm just so scared. I'm scared before every appointment and I'd hate to show up to the NT Scan and have a repeat of what happened to me last time :(

The next 2.5 weeks is going to feel like an eternity. How do I get through it? How do you enjoy a pregnancy and relax after a loss?

Message edited 8/1/2011 12:33:00 PM.

Re: How do you do it?

I don't have an answer for you b/c we're not there yet. I wanted to send you many hugs and prayers that things continue to go well.

Re: How do you do it?

I'm not there yet either but it already terrifies me thinking about it. I know I will be a wreck no matter what.

Every appointment you have had has been great though so I am sure it will stay that way. Hang in there!

Re: How do you do it?

I'm not there yet either, but I think about it all.the.time. Can I ever fully enjoy a pregnancy again? But, hopefully- every appt. gets easier and easier- seeing the baby, the heartbeat, etc.

I wish you a happy, healthy pregnancy.

Re: How do you do it?

It will get easier - but you will always be worried...Once you start feeling the baby move around, you'll feel a bit better too. I know it's still early, but, I promise you will feel better - even if it's just a little bit

Try to relax and think positively. Everything is going to be great!

Re: How do you do it?

Thank you girls.

Re: How do you do it?

I don't know that you really can enjoy a pregnancy after a loss - I'm going to try my best to try someday - but I am already really scared of even getting pregnant. I think you just need to have faith and pray that everything will work out alright!

Re: How do you do it?

its sort of like driving again after getting into a car accident. its terrifying at first. but the more you do it the more it becomes normal again. i think i finally felt happily pregnant around 20w. it will happen, you just have to give it time.

Re: How do you do it?

I have my first soon in q couple of days and I'm scared our of my mind. I hope it will get easier but for now it's definitely not easy.

Re: How do you do it? UPDATE 8/1

How scary! I'm glad things are ok!

that things continue to go well!

Re: How do you do it? UPDATE 8/1

OMG-read your update-- how freakin' scary!!! Thank God everything is ok!!!!

Re: How do you do it? UPDATE 8/1

So very scary but I am glad it turned out that everything is fine and the baby is okay!

Hoping these next couple of weeks go by quickly for you!

Re: How do you do it? UPDATE 8/1

Thanks girls.

It's such a different experience for us that have been through a miscarriage :(

Sometimes I find myself jealous of the other girls over on pregnancy. I feel like I don't fit in 100% over there because a lot of them don't understand. Last time I was pregnant I was nervous and cautious but so much more carefree about everything. The loss was a huge shock.

When I was at the hospital I had flashbacks of the way I felt the day of my d&c and it was horrible. At one point I was crying and shaking because I was so scared they were going to give me bad news. It's been a rollercoaster, I can't wait to relax a little bit.

Re: How do you do it? UPDATE 8/1

i am glad things went well and i am glad you went for peace of mind kwim? i can only imagine how you felt with the flashbacks! hopefully next time you are in the hospital you will have your baby in your arms!

Re: How do you do it? UPDATE 8/1

My heart was in my mouth reading this, but I am so glad everything looks good. Continued prayers going out to you