Advice... PLEASE

My son 3 1/2 is having a really hard time in Nursery school. The school offers 3 days and 5 day full days no half days. So I a m trying the 5 and I am willing to go to 3 if need be, but this doesnt seem to be the issue.

The first two days he was great when my dh took him. The first full week was pretty bad. Teacher and i spoke everyday( i called her a lot more than she called me) and basically he cries and screams for me all day for ME, will not participate and gets aggressive. The 2nd week just finished and she was out on Wednesday afternoon and all day Thursday and he came home soo happy. I think he doesnt like her. Not that is a reason to take him out of course. So yesterday we spoke after not speaking since Monday and she said that it was slightly better bc he was crying on and off, but still agressive and not inmteracting. I pointed out that the reason I was sending him was to learn to socialize in a class setting and I know this sounds harsh but if you didnt want to deal with screaming and issues of this sort, go teach High School not Nursery.

I pointed out that it has to be getting a tiny bit better bc he has been eating all of his lunch. The first week he was throwing it and didnt eat a bite. He also wasnt napping and this week he did. She said yes that is a baby step.But I had to point out the positive to her allshe was about what nagative.

My son got speech,ot and special instruction( never should have gotten that in my opinion, evaluated too early) and he tested out of all services this summmer. She knows that he has services( or so i thought) and when she met him back in June she said you would never know he had a speech issue. So during one of our converstions I said you know he has never been around kids in this setting before. I think he was expecting ONE teacher bc that's all he knows was one teacher at time. I said he loved his TEACHERS.She says"Wait, what do you mean teacherS?" I said he got speech ot and special instruction. She says in this odd tone, OH I didnt realize that.

I almost feel as if she is implying something is wrong with my son. Believe me we have had every test done and he is perfect. In fact he knows more than he needs to at this age( he reads 3 words, knows capital and lowercase letters and the soudns each letter makes nd does math in his head, doesnt to te typicall dcoutingof objects just looks and tellyou 5 apples). She made comments like, its as if he doenst hear you. Its like he doesnt comprehend what you are saying.He doesnt look at you.. All signs of something being wrong with him but he doesnt act like that in any other setting. Then she tells me he plays with his hair and she finds this "ALARMING". I said he does that when he is tired. Hell my mom and I both twirl our hair when we are tired and we are 34 and 64.. Then this the BEST... she said he seems to be obsessed with his shoelaces and isnt paying attention. I said ok ill buy him velcro this weekend. She says no dear thats not the answer, that is only a bandaid to the problem not a solution, he has to learn to pay attention. HE IS THREE

So she kept saying the first week he is just emotional immature( which he is) so she said the principal said we usually give it to the end of the month and if there is no improvement we will talk about alternatives. I said yesterday well lets see what happens and if its not better next week ill pull him out. I thought she would said thats a good idea, instead she said no lets try three days if there is no improveemnt. Its a catholic school and i know they want their money .

I am not saying she is making thsi up but.. in the first week he has learned to sing gfod Bless America, tell me what books they read each day, tell me who was absent( this one little girl he seems to like) .When i poit thsi out to her she says he is observing everything Ok I dont know about you but if i am hysterical crying and screaming I can't learn an entire song. She keeps saying intelligence and maturity have nothing to do with each other.


He came home yesterdaya dn said Mrs.Z is mad at me. It broke my heart.

ETA MY dd had this teacher and we had no issues BUT when were talking to some parents casually one day about how our son was going to be in her class( she is the only Nursery teacher) they all kind of made faces etc and we couldnt figure out why. Because we had NO issues with our dd we couldnt figure out why theye were acting like this, we kind of think she may have a bad repuataion in situations like this and we just never experienced it.

If i do take him out I am putting him in a camp over the summer to adjust to a group setting. Plus I know the prek teacher and I think he would work well with her

Message edited 9/24/2011 7:03:21 PM.

Re: Advice... PLEASE

Maybe it is me.. but I think full days for nursery school is just too much. Most nursery schools are half days. Even preK in most places is a half day.

Yes, it sounds like the teacher is trying to "pigeon hole" your son, but maybe he just really isn't ready to be in school for that long of a day?

My DD screamed and cried the first 1 1/2 weeks of nursery school and it was only 2 hours!!!

Then, she cried for about 4 months before school saying she didn't want to go! She really gave me a hard time. I couldn't imagine sending her the whole day.

Re: Advice... PLEASE

It sounds like he probably isn't ready for a full day of school 5 days of week. I would try the 3 days, if that doesn't work, I would try half days somewhere else.

I just want to point out that a child can be as smart as a whip and still have social issues, and problems in a group setting. Since he was getting special instruction, speech and OT on a one to one basis, your therapists probably would have not noticed these things. I know some kids that are unusually advanced academically at a young age, but have issues in other areas, and those issues don't surface until they are in a structured setting like school. I'm not saying your son has issues, just pointing it out. I wouldn't brush off the teacher's concerns just yet.

Good luck!

Re: Advice... PLEASE

DS cried as well when he was 3 years old. It broke my heart. HE cried well into the first month of school. Honestly I would find a different school that has a 1/2 day program. Is there another class ? Perhaps he can be transitioned into a different class. I don't think this is the right fit for him based on what you wrote. I would ask for your $$ back now before it is too late. I am so sorry.

Re: Advice... PLEASE

I can only tell you what I would do...

I would look for a school with a half day program, and a more understanding teacher.

Catholic schools are very rigid.

Re: Advice... PLEASE

I know you are not saying he has isssues ..what I am saying is to the teacher he has never been in any type of group setting and bc he didnt adjust on day one or week 2 he has problems, c'mon!!!

If he doesnt work out I am putting him back to the sitter four days and my mom on Fridays and then will do some sort of camp in order to prepare him for Pre-k. I know it should be anythign for your kid but to pay for some program 1/2 and to pay the sitter for drop off pick up and the hours from when he gets out to when I get there is too much money.

Thanks for all your responses.

Re: Advice... PLEASE

Can you look into other schools that have a half-day option?

Personally it sounds like this teacher's attitude is not very proactive. I read a book once when I was first teaching, something like "Positive Behavior Management" or something like that...and when I used the tactics, on focusing on the positive certain behaviors got SO much better.

Honestly if a teacher was speaking so negatively about my child after only knowing them for a handful of days it would really bother me, and that might be enough to cause me to look somewhere else.

I hope you can find a solution that works. Poor little guy!

Re: Advice... PLEASE

Re: Advice... PLEASE

I agree with the others - I think it's a combination of factors and full-day might not be the best option for him. IMO, 5 full days would be tough for ANY 3 year old, it's just too much.

I would look into a half-day option, or at the very least pull him back to 3 days. Would we have the same teacher in the 3 day program?

And I agree with the PP, don't send him back to your moms, I think that would be a big step backward. Next year the transition is going to be even tougher if he realizes that he was unhappy this year and you pulled him out. It sounds like he definitely needs the school setting this year - but I think 5 full days is just too much.