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FLS2011
LIF Infant
Member since 8/11 282 total posts
Name:
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How do you answer the rudest question?
Just curious how everyone answers the rudest question of "So, when are you having a baby?" or "So, when are you having another one?"
I personally just got so fed up with the rudeness and would just go with the truth of having miscarriages. Yes, I've shut up plenty of people in my day with that. I figure that if I can alert people to their rudeness it may make them think twice about asking someone else who may be in my shoes.
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Posted 10/3/11 12:00 PM  |
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BigSmooch
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/10 747 total posts
Name:
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Re: How do you answer the rudest question?
I ignored it or brushed it off and then I cried. It would ruin my whole day. It was horrible. There were so many times I wanted to say something but it just seemed inappropriate. Now that I am pregnant again and everyone knows we lost a baby last year I'm sure those who asked feel like idiots, at least they should.
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| Posted 10/3/11 12:03 PM |
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AngnShaun
Sisters
Member since 1/10 21015 total posts
Name:
Ang
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Re: How do you answer the rudest question?
I used to say soon, now i dont even respond... i usually walk away!
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| Posted 10/3/11 12:07 PM |
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FLS2011
LIF Infant
Member since 8/11 282 total posts
Name:
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Re: How do you answer the rudest question?
Posted by BigSmooch
I ignored it or brushed it off and then I cried. It would ruin my whole day. It was horrible. There were so many times I wanted to say something but it just seemed inappropriate. Now that I am pregnant again and everyone knows we lost a baby last year I'm sure those who asked feel like idiots, at least they should.
They should feel like idiots! It's totally no one's business. I wouldn't mind the question from people who I'm close with but it always seemed to be asked by the people who I was not close with. I feel like I know so many people who have had losses and deal with IF that I would never ask.
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| Posted 10/3/11 12:09 PM |
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FLS2011
LIF Infant
Member since 8/11 282 total posts
Name:
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Re: How do you answer the rudest question?
Posted by AngnShaun
I used to say soon, now i dont even respond... i usually walk away!
I was the same way but after a while I just got so annoyed and the same people would keep asking, so I figured I would shut them up for good.
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| Posted 10/3/11 12:10 PM |
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queensgal
Smile
Member since 4/09 3287 total posts
Name:
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Re: How do you answer the rudest question?
Even before we lost our peanut, I hated this question!
1. Behind this question is a judgement - i.e. I think because you are X years old, been married for X years, or because have a child = YOU SHOULD TOO
2. This is so personal. It involves a major life decision that me and DH considered our relationship, our finances, our personal wishes, etc. before ever deciding to move forward with TTC. I don't discuss these topics with just anyone, so why would I discuss TTC with strangers?
3. My personal situation and values/choices may be different than others. For me to feel financially and personally ready to have a baby is very different than when others might feel it and I shouldn't have to explain that!
So basically, to answer your question, I used to respond with either "Whenever we are ready" which unfortunately usually invited more questions and judgements such as "why aren't you ready or I was ready when I was your age, etc." or sometimes I was a total beotch and just said something rude back - i.e. "Never, leave me alone" or "I don't answer that question"
I guess I could be more tactful but now more than ever, I feel like it is such an invasive question and since the person asking has decided that you should already either have a child or be trying for one - your answer doesn't please them! Depending on the person asking, I have also said something to the effect of - I learned a long time ago never to ask that question as you never know what a person is going through and your question could cause them a lot of pain. This way I try to pay the lesson forward.
In the future, I will probably just say something like "that is a very personal topic for me and something I prefer not to discuss. I would appreciate if you could respect my privacy in this matter" or something like that.
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| Posted 10/3/11 12:25 PM |
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Megs4
LIF Adult
Member since 11/08 1619 total posts
Name:
Megan
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Re: How do you answer the rudest question?
I used to just say "soon" but then since we had trouble and then a loss (and now it looks like trouble again) I just say "Well it turns out it's not that easy for everyone." and that usually shuts them up quickly.
Why should I be the only one uncomfortable?
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| Posted 10/3/11 12:37 PM |
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BigSmooch
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/10 747 total posts
Name:
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Re: How do you answer the rudest question?
Posted by FLS2011
Posted by BigSmooch
I ignored it or brushed it off and then I cried. It would ruin my whole day. It was horrible. There were so many times I wanted to say something but it just seemed inappropriate. Now that I am pregnant again and everyone knows we lost a baby last year I'm sure those who asked feel like idiots, at least they should.
They should feel like idiots! It's totally no one's business. I wouldn't mind the question from people who I'm close with but it always seemed to be asked by the people who I was not close with. I feel like I know so many people who have had losses and deal with IF that I would never ask.
Yes, same here! It wasn't my best friend, my Grandma, or anyone like that, it was always strange people asking! I even had the wife of my DH's friend send me a random message on FB asking me if I was pregnant. I'm not even "friends" with this girl. It was like 2 months after my miscarriage. It was so upsetting. I would never do that! The worst was on Christmas, it was a few weeks after I had a d&c and I was still healing physically and emotionally. My DH and I were so depressed and we had an awful morning. When we got to my Mom's we started drinking just to get through the day and then my Aunt, the one that nobody cares for, asked me during dinner when we're going to have a baby. It felt like 100th time she'd asked because she had been asking us at every Holiday since I've been married. Eveyone else at the table knew I had lost a baby a few weeks prior and it was so awkward. Best part, is when she found out I was pregnant recently she said it must be because she "jinxed me". WTH does that mean? As if it wasn't planned? After a miscarriage?! I hate idiots!
Message edited 10/3/2011 12:46:15 PM.
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| Posted 10/3/11 12:44 PM |
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BigSmooch
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/10 747 total posts
Name:
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Re: How do you answer the rudest question?
Posted by Megs4
I used to just say "soon" but then since we had trouble and then a loss (and now it looks like trouble again) I just say "Well it turns out it's not that easy for everyone." and that usually shuts them up quickly.
Why should I be the only one uncomfortable?
You know, sometimes I wish that is what I said. The questions and comments I got still bother me to this day.
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| Posted 10/3/11 12:46 PM |
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LoveBug302
Baby Girl #2 is Here!
Member since 7/11 1652 total posts
Name:
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Re: How do you answer the rudest question?
A friend asked me the other day " so when are u gonna start poppin out babies?" Everyone else in the room knew about my mc except her so it was a n awkward silence so I quickly just said "oh soon " and quickly changed the subject
The week after my d&c i was really sick and couldn't eat anything. So I was at my desk eating saltines and gatorade...my co worker comes over and says " omg your eating saltines, are u pregnant!?" I immediatly started crying and said " not anymore ". She really put her foot in her mouth with that one.
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| Posted 10/3/11 1:27 PM |
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Megs4
LIF Adult
Member since 11/08 1619 total posts
Name:
Megan
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Re: How do you answer the rudest question?
Posted by BigSmooch
Posted by Megs4
I used to just say "soon" but then since we had trouble and then a loss (and now it looks like trouble again) I just say "Well it turns out it's not that easy for everyone." and that usually shuts them up quickly.
Why should I be the only one uncomfortable?
You know, sometimes I wish that is what I said. The questions and comments I got still bother me to this day.
Sometimes I find a more tasteful way of saying it, like "Oh well we have had some struggles, so soon I hope" and it has the same effect - just that one opens it up for further questions so I usually save it for people I don't mind talking to about it.
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| Posted 10/3/11 2:21 PM |
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CPM2011
LIF Zygote
Member since 9/11 14 total posts
Name:
Caroline
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Re: How do you answer the rudest question?
Message edited 11/1/2011 9:07:08 PM.
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| Posted 10/23/11 6:02 PM |
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