Need Advice re: DD's shyness/etc.

My DD will be 5 in July. She had a rough year at preschool last year b/c the teacher was no-nonsense & not very nurturing. This year she LOVES her teacher & her bff is in her class & she's doing great.

However, she will not speak up. The other night she told me a boy was kicking her during circle time. I asked if she said anything to him or the teacher & she said, we're not allowed to talk during circle time. I explained no one is allowed to hit her/bother her, etc. & she needs to tell him to stop.

Then another day she told me the same boy told her "you're stupid." And yet again she didn't say anything.

It's driving me crazy. She also won't volunteer to answer q's in class or even in circle time. Her teacher said one on one she talks up a storm & she's the same way w/ her small knit group of friends.

At Christmas during the show she pretended to sing & just moved her lips.

I just signed her up for cheerleading as I'm sure that will boost her confidence being in front of people & talking up.

I was basically the same way as a child, so I know where it comes from, but it's so frustrating.

Lastly, she is fully potty trained, however, she will NOT ask the teacher to go. So ALL year she will hold it until she comes home. Well next year is all day K, so that isn't going to work. And she loves this teacher, so I don't get her not asking.

Re: Need Advice re: DD's shyness/etc.

Does she speak at all in front of other people she doesn't know or is this just a school thing?

My daughter's friend has selective mutism (it's an anxiety disorder). She used to have cards she could give her pre-school teacher but has now worked up to whispering things to her teacher - like going to the bathroom, etc. She's made huge strides but still mouths words (which is pretty common) for shows. Per her IEP, a teacher cannot ask her an open ended question - it has to be something she can nod, shaker her head & point. She cannot be forced to speak in school.

While I'm sure it's not something as serious, the online support group does have some good tips to help out: http://www.selectivemutism.org/

Obviously meeting the teacher beforehand will help. Maybe speak to the teacher about her shyness/anxiety & ask for an accommodation/signal for the bathroom.

Re: Need Advice re: DD's shyness/etc.

Thanks Barb. Yes I had 2 Polish twins one year w/ selective mutism; so I am familiar. It is not that severe and she will talk up a storm w/ the teacher one on one. She also is fine w/ her friends. When she does answer q's in class, she'll do so looking down.

Outside school she will never outright ask a question to an adult, but will answer q's asked freely.

I actually had asked the teacher if she can have a hand signal for the bathroom but the teacher said she would just take her 1/2 way through the day which she was doing at the beginning of the year.

I spoke to her Friday & told her & she said she'd take her & I said I'd really like for her to ask.

The thing that bothers me most though is the child kicking her & being mean to her & her not saying a word to him.

Re: Need Advice re: DD's shyness/etc.

Re: Need Advice re: DD's shyness/etc.

Can you talk to the teacher & work out a plan to encourage her to answer questions in class? Maybe you can reward her with a prize (sticker, a bead for a necklace) or something each day she raises her hand & answers a question. Something like this just might jump-start her participation & increase her comfort level.

I'd also tell the teacher about the issue with the boy & ask the teacher to make sure the kids understand the nuances of not talking during lessons - some children take the teacher's directions very seriously & don't realize that it's ok to speak up when they need help of some kind.