Upset-DD wrongfully accused of being a "bully"

I am at my wits end here. My 1st grader rides the bus and shares a seat with 2 other 1st grade girls on my block (they have assigned seats). My daughter is very good friends with one of the girls and spends a lot of time with her. The 3rd girl was new to the school in 1st grade however we have known the family as they are our neighbors and we have been social with them. We have gone out of our way to make her comfortable with the transition, my daughter showed her where to go, introduced her to her friends, we have invited her over for playdates, etc. I hate to talk bad about any child but this little girl is bossy and mean and seems to get whatever she wants. At the beginning of the school year the father calls me and says there was an incident on the bus. I speak to my daughter and she says that the girl tells them where to sit, etc. I speak to the other girls mom and she gets the same story. My daughter is happy when the little girl is not at the bus stop so she can sit where she wants. We suggested the girls ask her if they can take turns and she always says no. We are baffled how this girl controls them. But they are kids and they need to learn to work things out. Everyday I ask my daughter any problems on the bus as the little girl comes off with a scowl and she says none. I ask whats wrong with the little girl and she says she has no idea, they didn't even speak.

In the interim, the girl has a birthday party. A couple of mothers approached me to ask if I knew her because she is our neighbor and tell me their daughters don't want to go to the party because she is mean and bossy in school. Further confirming my suspicions.

My DH gets an email from her Dad on Monday asked for a call or to meet to discuss what is going on with the girls. That his daughter is continually upset and wants to get to the bottom of it. My Dh calls him and tells him listen I am sorry she is unhappy but both girls tell the same story it is your daughter that is not playing nice. He tells my husband he called the school to have her seat moved.

So I talk to the busdriver and she tells me that the school talked to her and that my daughter is very good, well behaved and that the problem is this little girl. (Thank you Jesus!) She said the two girls are such good girls and the other is mean and bossy.

I then see the little girls babysitter that afternoon and she said the mom told her that my daughter is just so mean and something need to be done. The babysitter (in confidence) tells me that she has issues in school as well and the teacher has called home and that any little thing sets her off pouting.

The parents are not around that much and I can totally understand them not wanted to see their daughter upset. I feel bad she is having such a hard time adjusting but at this point I am fed up. Stop trying to blame someone else and take a look at the problem staring you right in the face. My daughter is sweet as can be no discipline issues at all and she is read the riot act non stop about this girl so she knows not to even think about being mean to her. If she was she would be taken care of.

So sorry for ranting on and on I just can't get this off of my mind. My husband says let it go they moved her seat but what is that teaching their daughter? She needs to learn she will not always get her way. The point is they are our neighbors and we share friends and I don't want anyone bad mouthing my child unjustly. I am just so so pissed can you tell? Thank you for reading my huge vent. I am really not sure that they will ever accept the patternthat is right in front of them. The school confirms, the busdriver, other parent, but no my daughter is mean......

Re: Upset-DD wrongfully accused of being a "bully"

Sorry you have to deal with this situation. I'd be upset about it too.

Maybe eventually the parents will see that their DD is the problem whenthe same issues pop up time after time with every kids she sits by.

You did what you could and obviously it's not you or your daughter judging by what the other parents and the bus driver said. There really isn't anything else to do.

If the parents press the issue just tell them that if their DD thinks your DD is soooo mean then stay away from her. That will eliminate you from the equation.

Hope this pans itself out!

Re: Upset-DD wrongfully accused of being a "bully"

HUGS!

It is upsetting, but clearly everyone but this other mom knows what the real deal is and take comfort in that.

Unfortunately many parents suffer from "not my child" and it isn't until something severe happens that they realize, yes, their child is the issue! Easier for her to deflect the blame to your child, even though no one else is buying it!

I would steer clear from this child and mom.

Re: Upset-DD wrongfully accused of being a "bully"

I think it's difficult for any parent to see that their kid may be the problem. I could see why you're upset if you've looked into it & there is a common denominator.

I would be careful who you speak to about the situation & don't engage in discussion about your dd & the other girl. If someone you aren't very close to tries to draw the story out, say "the girls didn't get along".

When my daughter was dealing with a difficult girl in preschool, who was bullying everyone else, I role played with her. I had her practice saying things like "We want to play with you but you can't tell us where to sit." or "I want be your friend but I will only do it if you play nicely -which means no grabbing the toys." I think I'd give my daughters the words to tell the girl what she's doing wrong & to remedy the matter.

If that doesn't work out, she's going to learn on her own that bossying everyone around will leave her friendless. I see it already happening to the girl in dd's class that was telling every where they had to sit at lunch.

Re: Upset-DD wrongfully accused of being a "bully"

Thank you for your replies. She went to a different bus stop this morning (sigh...) don't agree with it at all as I don't agree with them moving her seat on the bus either. I feel they are only further alienating their daughter as opposed to teaching her to learn to get along with others and move on. Wish they weren't neighbors, they are just making it more uncomfortable and I can only hold back for so long. For the record my daughter still talks about her as if they are friends. I am going to stear clear of them and just focus on teaching my daughter right from wrong. Thanks again!

Re: Upset-DD wrongfully accused of being a "bully"

If it wasn't this girl, there would be others just like her. Your DD is just getting an early taste of how to deal with difficult personalities. It's not such a bad thing for her to learn.

Re: Upset-DD wrongfully accused of being a "bully"

It is probably better for your daughter that the other girl's seat was moved. Your daughter is not going to benefit from having this girl continue to be mean to her. As far as the message that it sends to the other girl, I will tell you what a friend told me just a few days ago: We cannot parent all of the other kids, especially when those kids' parents do not agree with us or when our child's best interest has to be our first concern. She was telling me to make the best decision for my son and that I can't became so concerned for the other kid that my child is shortchanged. This is a family situation but my friend was right, unfortunately.

Re: Upset-DD wrongfully accused of being a "bully"

As an experiment could you pick your daughter up a few days and ask the other neighbor of the bossy girl's disposition getting off the bus?

Ds had some issues on the bus last year and was being falsely accused. He was off the bus for 4 months this year (unrelated ) and the bus was still bad that they needed a matron on the bus. I was a little bit satisfied since ds couldn't have been a cause if he wasn't on the bus.

It started happening again, so when I can, I pick him up, and the bus is still having issues. To make a point that ds is not the cause.

Message edited 5/12/2012 10:56:18 AM.

Re: Upset-DD wrongfully accused of being a "bully"