Multiple Losses

If you have more than one loss have you found that people seem less interested / concerned the second or third time around?

I had my third miscarriage last week and while I dont need people to be concerned about me it kind of surprised me how little concern I have gotten from my family - its like they think I am over it already or dont hurt as much the third time around when in fact its nearly worse as you feel like such a failure that it keeps happening.

I know people dont know what to say sometimes but a quick "how are you" or "thinking of you" text over the weekend would have been nice.

Multiple Losses

i have had 3 m/c. I think that people just dont know what to say and sometime to prevent saying the wrong thing that say nothing. Everyone deals with these things differently and they may not know how much a small gesture would mean. I would speak to those close to you.

Multiple Losses

We chose not to tell anyone but our parents about our second loss. But I get it, it is an uncomfortable topic to begin with, let alone with someone who has been through it before. After my first everyone said it would be ok and it was a random thing and that we would be fine. Well needles to say we are here again and no one really knows what to say to us.

Re: Multiple Losses

I feel this way too ... I also had my first loss at 17wks and my others were in the first trimester. I feel like people think you just get used to it .. (or maybe they get used to hearing about it) .. and although I don't agree with this logic, I think it becomes "old news". That's how I felt anyway. Sometimes I talk to my mom about this stuff and she loses track of when my pregnancies were or how many I had, etc..

Re: Multiple Losses

it was very hard for me to open up about my losses to anyone until after the fact, I felt defective in a way. Some people just do not understant the way a miscarriage effects a person, unless they lived it themselves. I was devestated.

Re: Multiple Losses

Thanks everyone I think because I only told my family this time and one close friend that I really need their support.

I am not looking for long conversations, anyone trying to understand what I am feeling cause lord knows I dont understand my feelings sometimes but I just want a simple "thinking of you"...and I think what upsets me more is a few group emails that have been sent out in the past two days to me and other family members about silly stuff - laughing and joking about something and that they have the time for silly emails but no one has the time for a single text or private email.

Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in my own misery

Re: Multiple Losses

to be honest i hated some of the comments after the first like it was not meant to be,it was not ur child etc

so the other 2 we never told and after we did ivf and felt this one would last when we mentioned it people were surprised we didn't tell them

Re: Multiple Losses

Re: Multiple Losses

It's hard to say exactly because my loved ones have been dealing with the combo of losses and IVF failures, but I just get the sense that their hearts go out to me, but they don't know what to say anymore. They know they can't help me. I think they feel helpless.

Re: Multiple Losses