I have HAD IT with my irresponsible 12 year old!!!

DS turns 12 in 2 weeks. He is in 7th grade. He is a nice, kind kid, does pretty well in school (As and Bs typically), volunteers for youth group stuff, makes PB&J sandwiches for the homeless, is a Sea Cadet... He's a GOOD kid. But lately I can't deal with the irresponsibleness (is that even a word? ) and forgetfulness!!

Last year he was in orchestra, which counts as a class. This year he decided he didn't want to do orchestra. Fine. I told him the first week of school he has to go to guidance and drop it. Just got his progress report and he didn't drop it!! Obviously the progress report is bad because he's never shown up to orchestra!! I yell at him to go to guidance and drop the class... he forgets EVERY DAY to do it. It's been a week. I know I should call guidance and do it for him, but HE needs to do it, KWIM?

Here's another example...He's in a home ec type of class (family and consumer science) and they have to do a sewing project that they choose off an online site. I know that the project is due but he has never shown me the paper so I can order him the project! It's always "Oh, I left it at school. I'llbring it to you tomorrow." He's going to get a 0 on the midterm!!

I don't want to hold his hand for everything because I want him to be independent. But I don't want him to fail! How do I walk the line here??

Re: I have HAD IT with my irresponsible 12 year old!!!

He's 12.

I think the orchestra thing isn't really his fault, especially if you told him the first week of school and then just noticed he didn't do it now. He is only 12. He has his whole life to be an adult.

As for the home ec thing, I think since he goes to the class and obviously knows he has it due, you have to just see what happens. Obviously remind him, but HE has to do it.

That sounds like really conflicting advice but I think that they are two totally separate things. The orchestra thing isn't 100% his fault. I don't think I was changing/dropping classes like that on my own at 12.

I have HAD IT with my irresponsible 12 year old!!!

I guess so.

I'm used to him being mature so this spaciness (to this magnitude) is kind of new. And in his school the kid has to go drop the class so it IS something he knows how to do (he did it last year with chorus with no problem).

Re: I have HAD IT with my irresponsible 12 year old!!!

I think you should call guidance for him.

Can you get him a planner? Does he have an ipad, or I something? If so you can put it in the planner and set an alert.

He's still very young. I could see myself at 30 doing the same thing.

Re: I have HAD IT with my irresponsible 12 year old!!!

Re: I have HAD IT with my irresponsible 12 year old!!!

Re: I have HAD IT with my irresponsible 12 year old!!!

This is very common with middle school kids. My daughter would do her homework and never hand it in. She was always getting zero's for homework.

Even though he is 12, you still need to be on top of everything.

Re: I have HAD IT with my irresponsible 12 year old!!!

I would call guidance and say he is done with orchestra. Then I would sit him down and ask him to choose the project that he needs for his home ec class, order it and hand it to him when it arrives. I would then ask him EVERY day how he is doing with the project....I would also find out when its due to be handed it and tell him you need it to be handed into you one week before its due in school. I know you are trying to walk the fine line and want him to become independent but he still needs your help and he is only 12.

I have to say other than these two things he sounds like an awesome kid, good job mom

Re: I have HAD IT with my irresponsible 12 year old!!!

As a teacher, I'm usually one to side with the school, BUT he hasn't shown up and you have not been contacted?

This is a 7th grader, not a senior in HS (even then parents should be called!). I would be pissed at the school. What if he was cutting?

For the other items, a planner could help. You could check it every night and give him a reward for every 10 times it's brought home and correct. You can ask his teachers to initial that he has an assignment or if he doesn't, he can write "no assignment" and they can initial that. (Your son writes everything - teachers only initial - then they really can't no comply with this request)

Do the teachers have websites? This is the 21st century and we are dealing with students who are digital natives. All assignments should be available online. If it's not in your district, I would push for this to be done.

I have HAD IT with my irresponsible 12 year old!!!

I guess you guys are right.... I'm just used to being able to tell him, "You have to do this," and it gets done. The flightiness is a new behavior for him and leaves me scratching my head. I will call guidance on Monday. As for the sewing assignment, there's a sheet with the website and ordering instructions that I haven't seen. You have to order one of a few assignments, but I don't know what website or what projects.... He keeps leaving it at school.

The school is terrible with posting online. Terrible. A few have websites (the home ec teacher doesn't) but most who do never update it so its useless.

Thank you for the suggestions, and I will try not to overreact.

Re: I have HAD IT with my irresponsible 12 year old!!!

Keep in mind what hormones can do to our bodies. This is primetime hormone raging age. Think about pregnancy and PP hormones. (I know it's not quite the same, but a good comparison).


In my district we are all required to have and update our webpage daily if needed. I think it would be a great proposal to bring up at a school board meeting.