First post here

Hi ladies, I hate that I am here but this is where I belong now. I am having an awful time tonight. We lost my daughter on 11/9 at 20w1d due to a large encephalocele.

I am having a really rough time tonight. I am second guessing all of my decisions. I blame myself for what happened and I can't forgive myself.

I miss my daughter so much

I am so terrified of accidentally getting pregnant and having something like this happen again, even though we are using protection, that I have avoided My DH wants to discuss trying again and at this point I don't think I want to try again. I am too scared even though I would love to have another child.

Also, I feel like there should have been more done medically, for both me and my daughter. They did the basic genetic testing on her and determined that there was nothing wrong as far as the number of chromosomes but then did not follow up if we wanted any further testing. And nothing was done as far as testing on me or my husband. I feel like there should have been, I have read online that others have had testing to determine if they have the MTHFR mutation. This was not done for me.

I would love to know what others did after a loss, particularly a late term loss. Also, if you have any info on support groups or counselors/psychologists I would appreciate it. I hate that any of us have to be here but am happy that there are others to go through it with.

Hugs and prayers to all of us and our angels

First post here

Just want to say how very sorry I am for your loss!

Re: First post here

I am so sorry for your loss. My story is different but I lost my son at 21w5d in May 2011.

None of this is your fault but I know firsthand how hard it is. The guilt can be awful.

Give yourself more time. If you don't feel ready to move forward with ttc then don't. It'll just overwhelm you more.

This is a support group that someone told me about. I haven't been to this one myself. Guardian Angel Perinatal Support Group

I found Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope helpful in the beginning.

If you ever need/want to talk please FM me anytime.

Re: First post here

Sorry for your loss

I still blame myself sometimes for what happened... A lot of could've should'ves. I think that's a natural part of the grieving process.

I had an early second trimester loss - they did not test the baby for any genetic issues, which I wish they had done.

However, they did test me for the blood clotting disorders and MTHFR (probably because there was a subchorionic hematoma).

Maybe speak to your doc about further testing on you and DH. Or maybe it's time to change doctors. I found that going back to the same doctors was horrible for me - it reminded me of my visits there when I was pregnant. I cried on my way there, I cried on my way home every time I went. And after my loss, I lost some trust in them also (because just like I blamed myself, I also blamed them). It was a huge relief for me when I changed practices.

Message edited 1/22/2013 11:55:26 AM.

Re: First post here

I can't really offer advice because my late term loss is still so new (just 2 weeks now). I've found some of the boards on Babycenter to be helpful for me so far.
I'm so sorry for your loss...

Re: First post here

I'm so sorry for what your going thru. I lost my DD at 21 weeks I blamed my self for a long time...and I was so afraid to get pregnant again. You did nothing wrong. Give yourself time..to heal if you need some to talk too FM me.

Re: First post here

I can't offer any advice unfortunately but just wanted to say how sorry I am for you loss. Take the time you need to grieve.

First post here

Have you thought about consulting with a perinatologist? I saw one as I was going through a twin loss, and am consulting with him now as I attempt to become pregnant. He is VERY thorough and does extensive testing. I literally had 43 vials of blood drawn at one shot. FM me if you have questions.

First post here

I am so sorry for your loss.. I had a m/c at 15 weeks which was difficult... We had genetic testing done plus testing on me but nothing came our positive... We will never know what happened to our boy... Best of luck to you!

First post here

so sorry for your loss. I lost mine at 11 weeks in August. I can only imagine how it feels to lose your baby so late. I always tell the girls in here the same thing... be sad and mourn your loss, never forget your daughter and always keep her close to your heart... but don't blame yourself. Don't have any guilt or regrets because there was nothing you could have done. And especially don't give up or feel defeated. There are some amazing stories in here of women who had several losses and went on to have beautiful healthy babies.... You can't be afraid and let it prevent you from trying again. Talking to people in this group have really helped me. I find that hearing others' stories and knowing that I am not alone has really helped me to get through the sadness.

Lots of hugs to you!