How do you deal with awful commentary?

I am still upset this morning and don't want to get into the details but my father made a comment last night about DS "behavior" that just pushed me over the edge.

I am fuming so much right now I want to cancel Christmas.

I am so upset I don't even know how I am going to make it through work today.

It really showed that he has NO.CLUE but also blamed ME for the way he acts.

It's like, things are hard enough already.

Do I really *****' need this from him now too?

I never had a good relationship with him and I REFUSE to let him treat my child this way.

Re: How do you deal with awful commentary?

Im sorry
I feel my dad sometimes forgets my son has Autism. He expects his to be like a typical kid, and will make snarky comments. He doesnt have compassion sometimes, but I he has never blamed me for any of Christopher's behaviors. Dont cancel Christmas,, especially for your DS. Can you talk to your dad about how you feel?

Re: How do you deal with awful commentary?

That sucks. Try to ignore it. You know who you are, who your child is, what you do as parents. Other people are going to think what they want. Anyone can judge you, assume things about you that are not true. A person worth listening to is one that will try and help you when you need it, not kick you when you're down. That says something about him, not you!

Don't cancel Christmas!

How do you deal with awful commentary?

I'm sorry the negative stuff doesn't help when your little guy is having a hard time. Does your Father accept your sons diagnosis? I know my parents still to this day really do not acknowledge DS is ADHD. At times at I have to remind them.

When DS was younger this time of year was particularly difficult. There is extra stimulation everywhere, change of weather, heavy clothes. He was so excited he just couldn't contain himself. Happily this has lessend greatly as he has been maturing.

Don't cancel Christmas maybe keep it low key and try to be sure he ai as rested as possible. Hugs

Re: How do you deal with awful commentary?

Thanks ladies. I'm still angry but I've calmed down a lot. DS is actually sleeping right now so that is helping too.

Hopefully it will be an early bedtime since he's been so out of whack lately.

How do you deal with awful commentary?

My mom has zero compassion, has called my son a brat, and just doesn't understand him AT ALL. Needless to say, it doesn't bother me that we live 500 miles apart. She is no longer allowed to stay at my house when she visits

I've learned to roll my eyes and walk away from the ignorant comments. It sucks when it's family, but sometimes you just can't make them get it, no matter how hard you try!

Re: How do you deal with awful commentary?

I'm sorry this coming from family. My in laws are very ignorant people and they can't admit or talk about situations where there are health or any other issues in the family. They like to put the blame on bad parenting. The other night my MIL gave me a small toy that was on my floor that was no where near a chocking hazard and said here got it off the floor not that it makes a difference (meaning I keep toys all over the floor). I brought up in conversation one of their grand kids being put on medication for ADHD and I got a hush and if looks could kill by my MIL. My FIL was not to know of any of this. I'm having Christmas eve with these people god help me. My DH is great at telling them they are wrong or not making any sense. I keep quiet and just correct them if they say anything about the kids and ignore the rest of what they say. Se people ate so set in their ways, in their world. My I laws have lost friends over the years their children now married with their own families live far away ( except us :( ), they are bitter people and instead of getting upset all the time I just feel sorry for them.

Re: How do you deal with awful commentary?

Im sorry!!
You don't deserve that. My daughter isn't special needs but has tendencies toward being a sensory child. To tell you the truth I am uncertain why she wasn't classified as a sensory child but that's another story. we are actually having another severe sensory dental issue and believe me I am getting more responses like "just get the tooth out" then what is going on in the actual room at the time. I have no volunteers but me and my husband to assist. So until your dad tells you what the he!! to do to make your son have perfect behavior, you continue to do what you are doing. It is hard.

Re: How do you deal with awful commentary?

Thanks again ladies.

I think the hardest part in this is that it's so isolating.

I'm dreading the holiday gatherings because of what "might" happen.

DH got mad last night because we were invited to a small holiday gathering with friends and I decided I didn't want to go and was going to just stay home with DS.

We didn't have anyone to leave him with and although the hosts said to just bring him and he could play with their kids, he didn't nap all day and the party didn't start until 8PM.

I told him that HE should go and he wouldn't. Then no one I guess showed up because of the weather so he's feeling bad that "we bailed" now.

It's so frustrating and to still have people make comments..........ugh.

BTW, I still haven't heard from my parents since I hung up on them the other day.



I'm sure now this will be my fault for not reaching out but I don't give a rat's ass.

Re: How do you deal with awful commentary?

How do you deal with awful commentary?

People just do not understand. Family does not understand. Even though they may love you and your child, I really think it is beyond most people to understand unless you are right there in the trenches. You just need to get a thick skin and not care what other people say. Let them talk. Do what you know is best for your child as that is the number one priority not pacifying others.

My parents, even though they love my DD to pieces, will never fully get it. My dad still does not believe she is autistic. She thinks she'll continue to outgrow it and when she has a good day, he's like see I told you. I just yes him to death and do what I need to do.

The holidays are the worst. DD is on a strict eating and sleeping schedule and it helps regulate her. I really do not deviate from this at all. Christmas Eve is the hardest. They insist on eating at 7 pm and the do presents at 9ish after we eat. Well DD eats at 6 and goes to bed at 8 and she literally can not stay up that late. This has been going on for 7 years and I'm sure it will go on for 18 more. So I bring my own food for DD, feed her when she needs to be fed and take her presents home. The family is pissed saying I should just keep her up, it's only one night, but it's not just one night. Deviating that once will effect her for weeks. So my answer to them is see us when we can, or we won't come at all. It does really piss me off that they don't change their time table to suit her more as no one in my family works that day so the could start earlier but it is what it is and I just roll with it the best I can.

Re: How do you deal with awful commentary?

Thanks again.

I caved and called and he apologized for being out of line but I could tell that what he meant was coming from an area of concern when he had a chance to clarify and explain himself a little more.

And yes, you are all right about the holidays. It's a stressful time in general but I can only imagine what DS is going through because every day he is not in a routine over these past few weeks. Each day there is something going on at school and at home and with his grandparents.

Christmas Eve is tough too because it's late but my IL's have started eating earlier and Santa comes earlier now too. We also asked to just let DS and his cousins open their big gifts from Santa at their house and then they bring the rest to my house the next day.

Has worked out much better this way!

It's hard to know though if that's just a kid thing though.