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Ligirl12345
LIF Infant
Member since 10/13 91 total posts
Name:
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Who understands me....Sorry long!
This is hard to explain and my husband doesnt totally understand why I am so stressed out about this so I figured I'd check on here to see if I'm crazy.
A very long time friend of mine just had her first daughter and is getting ready for her baptism. She is atheist, and so is her husband but his family is very old school Italian Catholic and so they finally gave in to having a christening after many months of his family begging and offering to pay for the party after. Now her sister in law and brother in law are asking to be godparents. My friend doesn't want to give in to their every demand so she said she would let the BIL be godfather but not the SIL. She told me she wanted me to be godmother because it would be easier for her to not have to deal with her in-laws. She didn't even ask, she just told me.
And.... I don't want to do it! I am happy for her but after the past 2yrs and all these failed cycles, I am dreading even going to a baptism much less having to stand up in front of a giant church and party after of a million family members. She's said a million times the whole thing means nothing to her and it's so unimportant to her and it's not like she really wants me for some special reason- she just doesn't want to give into her in-laws! Plus, I really don't want to be a part of the family drama when they tell the SIL, "sorry but no thanks. We picked someone else."
This is the same friend who complained that I didn't put enough effort into her baby shower (which was in Florida on a Saturday) because I flew down Friday night and left Sunday afternoon and she thought I should have taken off work Friday and spent more time with her since it would be one of the last times we could hang out before baby. Little did she know I had an IUI Friday morning and flew down anyways and she still complained.
She also told me her pregnancy was so easy that' she was considering being a surrogate since it's like nothing to her. I just don't think I can do this.
But how the heck do you say, "thanks but I don't wanna be your kids godmother."?!?!?!
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Posted 4/14/14 7:10 PM  |
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MrsM0829
... With a cherry on top!!!
Member since 11/09 1332 total posts
Name:
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Re: Who understands me....Sorry long!
You're in a tough situation. How close are you to this friend? It seems like it's a one-sided friendship, but are you prepared to possibly lose her as a friend if you decline?
I think it's perfectly acceptable to say that you're honored that she would consider you, but that you're unable to accept because of other commitments or that it would make you too uncomfortable because of the situation with her in-laws.
Good luck with whatever you decide!
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| Posted 4/14/14 7:19 PM |
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Ligirl12345
LIF Infant
Member since 10/13 91 total posts
Name:
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Who understands me....Sorry long!
Posted by MrsM0829
You're in a tough situation. How close are you to this friend? It seems like it's a one-sided friendship, but are you prepared to possibly lose her as a friend if you decline?
I think it's perfectly acceptable to say that you're honored that she would consider you, but that you're unable to accept because of other commitments or that it would make you too uncomfortable because of the situation with her in-laws.
Good luck with whatever you decide!
Ugh I know it's impossible to say no to without losing the friendship, isn't it?
We were probably a lot closer before, but I'll just say I've started to see who's really there for me through this journey and there are reasons I haven't told her what's going on.
I just read your post about the baptism and it gave me anxiety all over again. Dh says maybe a cycle will work before the baptism (in August) and I won't even care anymore. Maybe, but who knows?
Message edited 4/14/2014 7:24:04 PM.
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| Posted 4/14/14 7:22 PM |
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MrsM0829
... With a cherry on top!!!
Member since 11/09 1332 total posts
Name:
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Re: Who understands me....Sorry long!
I'm sorry to stress you out more by my post!
Is the Baptism going to be in Florida? Maybe you could tell her that you're concerned about being able to get time off from work because there's a big project scheduled to be due around that time, so you have to decline.
It's possible that you'll get a BFP before the Baptism, but why put more pressure on yourself during this process?
Ultimately, you have to do what's best for you.
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| Posted 4/14/14 7:31 PM |
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Ligirl12345
LIF Infant
Member since 10/13 91 total posts
Name:
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Re: Who understands me....Sorry long!
Thanks! I think I just needed to hear that I'm not being a drama queen.
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| Posted 4/14/14 7:32 PM |
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Irishgrl13
Fingers Crossed...
Member since 6/09 1301 total posts
Name:
Colleen
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Re: Who understands me....Sorry long!
For starters...I completely understand and agree that it has got to be impossible....
Does she know everything that you and DH are going through trying to conceive?
I don't think there is anything wrong with you telling her that you don't think you can do it at this time. Hopefully, if she is a good enough friend, she will understand....
good luck
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| Posted 4/14/14 8:36 PM |
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Re: Who understands me....Sorry long!
How abt if you tell her that your honored but you don't feel comfortable accepting because you don't want to step on her families toes and get caught in the middle of the drama. I think its pretty selfish of her to be putting you in that situation only to be vindictive towards her in-laws. Clearly, this baptism means so much to them and honestly I would feel uncomfortable standing up there in front of her family.
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| Posted 4/14/14 10:42 PM |
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Re: Who understands me....Sorry long!
Posted by PrayingForBaby747
How abt if you tell her that your honored but you don't feel comfortable accepting because you don't want to step on her families toes and get caught in the middle of the drama. I think its pretty selfish of her to be putting you in that situation only to be vindictive towards her in-laws. Clearly, this baptism means so much to them and honestly I would feel uncomfortable standing up there in front of her family.
I would say this and not mention the fact of IF at all; since she clearly doesn't care nor would understand since she bitc*hed at you when you missed spending time with her the day of your IUI. She sounds extremely selfish if you ask me.
She also seems to be asking you just to ask you; and not because she deep down truly wants you to be the Godmother. It just doesn't seem so heartfelt; it seems it's more important that she proves a point to her in laws. Why get you involved in an extra stressful situation that is unnecessary if you can prevent it??
Unless she is a true BEST friend that you love more than anything; then I wouldn't put myself in that situation. I would put ME first.
If you do say no, does she have any sisters, cousins, girlfriends that she could ask????
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| Posted 4/15/14 9:04 AM |
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Ligirl12345
LIF Infant
Member since 10/13 91 total posts
Name:
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Re: Who understands me....Sorry long!
That's what everyone keeps telling me to say no, I just can't figure out how. I guess I'm just being a wimp.
I'm pretty sure she is just asking me to annoy her in-laws and that sux.
Thanks for the advice all!
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| Posted 4/15/14 10:42 AM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Who understands me....Sorry long!
If she is that close of a friend why not speak to her and let her in some on what you are going through and because of it you just can't be the godmother.
I know others said it seams like a one-sided friendship but if she has no clue what you are going through and didn't know you had the IUI the morning before you left for FL how could she understand.
I was very open about my journey and I understand not every one is the same but how can you expect people to understand you when you don't let them in even just a little bit.
I think you can absolutely say no but need to explain why if you want to keep the friendship.
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| Posted 4/15/14 11:03 AM |
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NYCGirl80
I love my kiddies!
Member since 5/11 10413 total posts
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Re: Who understands me....Sorry long!
Posted by Ligirl12345
That's what everyone keeps telling me to say no, I just can't figure out how. I guess I'm just being a wimp.
I'm pretty sure she is just asking me to annoy her in-laws and that sux.
Thanks for the advice all!
I think it's pretty easy to tell her no - just say that you don't want to get involved in her family politics. Enough said.
If she's really a good friend, which I'm sure she is if she's asking you to do this, then she'll understand. And if she doesn't understand, then she's not really a true friend.
Also, if you're so close with her, it might help you to open up to her about what you're going through with IF. You can't expect her to be understanding if she doesn't know what you're dealing with.
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| Posted 4/15/14 3:21 PM |
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hazel2
LIF Infant
Member since 5/13 346 total posts
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Re: Who understands me....Sorry long!
I can understand b/c I tend to say yes to everything. In this case, I think you have every right to say no. As the other girls suggested, talk to her about it in more detail...your feelings etc.. At the end of the day, you have to do what's right for yourself.
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| Posted 4/15/14 3:31 PM |
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