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ohbaby08
Winter is Coming
Member since 10/07 1718 total posts
Name:
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Need opinions (sorry long)
Hope this post is ok here.
My nephew is 4 and has been receiving services (speech, ot, feeding therapy) since he was 15 months. He hasn't been officially diagnosed with anything specific as far as I know. But is definitely not where he should be for his age; speech, behavior and socialization wise. He has always received his services at home and gone to a separate mainstream nursery school.
He was just accepted into the regular upk program through his school district and his parents intend on sending him and having him receive his services at the therapy place, not at the school because it isn't an option. The upk program is 5 days a week for 3 hrs a day.
Now for the opinion part. Do you think he should be going to a school that is special needs friendly instead of a mainstream class with no aides or special needs support? I'm just concerned that he isn't going to get the assistance he needs and is going to make for a harder time adjusting when he goes into kindergarten next year. I've been tempted to mention this to his parents, but don't want to offend them since I don't have any firsthand experience with cpse or special needs.
Any thoughts are appreciated 
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Posted 4/16/14 11:55 AM  |
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iluvmynutty
Mom to E&M
Member since 12/08 1762 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Need opinions (sorry long)
Well, if he is cognitively intact and doesn't qualify for a special ed teacher the school district would not place him in a special class setting because they need to place him in the least restrictive environment as per the law. If let's say he could not attend regular preK due to behaviors they could place him in a special class because he couldn't function in the least restrictive class setting. They would not place a child in a special ed preschool for just Speech & OT services alone. Regular UPK is probably the best setting for him because he will be going to a regular K class and in a regular preK he will hopefully have access to good models for behavior and socialization. What he needs is a great preschool teacher who will understand and work with him to build up his areas of weakness and address his needs.
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| Posted 4/16/14 1:17 PM |
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Re: Need opinions (sorry long)
Posted by iluvmynutty
Well, if he is cognitively intact and doesn't qualify for a special ed teacher the school district would not place him in a special class setting because they need to place him in the least restrictive environment as per the law. If let's say he could not attend regular preK due to behaviors they could place him in a special class because he couldn't function in the least restrictive class setting. They would not place a child in a special ed preschool for just Speech & OT services alone. Regular UPK is probably the best setting for him because he will be going to a regular K class and in a regular preK he will hopefully have access to good models for behavior and socialization. What he needs is a great preschool teacher who will understand and work with him to build up his areas of weakness and address his needs.
. I agree.
Also DS is in UPK now and the OT comes to the school. It was too disruptive trying to arrange it while he was with my ILs, and I work FT during the day. As a parent you can request this.
I would also tread lightly on how you approach things with the parents.
I've had the opposite experience with my own sister where she thought I was overreacting. She only sees DS every couple of months though.
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| Posted 4/16/14 3:52 PM |
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ohbaby08
Winter is Coming
Member since 10/07 1718 total posts
Name:
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Need opinions (sorry long)
Thanks for the replies. The truth is, I don't think he belongs in a mainstream kindergarten class, even though it is over a year away. He has made a lot of progress, but is definitely not on par with other 4 yr olds his age. He's my nephew and I love him to death, but, I think, he needs more services than he is getting. My brother and sister in law are not the least bit proactive and just kind of go along with what people tell them.
A good friend of mine went through the cpse process with her son and her experience was completely different. Parent trainer, full time preschool from 3-k paid for through the district, parent advocate, etc. They have none of these things and frankly, I feel like my nephew would have benefited and be so much further along if they did.
According to them, he has trouble in school with paying attention, transitioning and social skills. I just worry that he is in for a rude awakening when he goes to elementary school. I hope I'm wrong.
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| Posted 4/16/14 5:26 PM |
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Re: Need opinions (sorry long)
Are you talking about your friend or your nephew who is having those last issues mentioned? Also it's not cool to compare kids IMO, which I could be wrong, but sounds like how your post reads.
My son is 5 too and had some of those issues you mentioned but it's amazing what a years difference from 4 to 5 can make, as well as being around other children in a structured setting learning. Pre k is pretty good these days in terms of learning and the teachers and therapists already working with your nephew should be aware if he needs more services.
It sounds like you are thinking from a good place, but generally SDs don't give out services unless the child really needs them.
Again you shouldn't compare to what your friend is getting. All kids are different.
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| Posted 4/17/14 7:16 AM |
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ohbaby08
Winter is Coming
Member since 10/07 1718 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need opinions (sorry long)
Posted by MorningCuppaCoffee
Are you talking about your friend or your nephew who is having those last issues mentioned? Also it's not cool to compare kids IMO, which I could be wrong, but sounds like how your post reads.
My son is 5 too and had some of those issues you mentioned but it's amazing what a years difference from 4 to 5 can make, as well as being around other children in a structured setting learning. Pre k is pretty good these days in terms of learning and the teachers and therapists already working with your nephew should be aware if he needs more services.
It sounds like you are thinking from a good place, but generally SDs don't give out services unless the child really needs them.
Again you shouldn't compare to what your friend is getting. All kids are different.
I was speaking about my nephew in the last part.
I'm not comparing the children themselves, just the amount of support and help that my friend received because she knew to ask for it. Like the parent trainer. I feel like my bro and sister in law would benefit greatly from someone being there to help them deal with things.
It's my understanding that a lot of times, if you don't push for things and are not an advocate for your child, the SD will try to give the bare minimum that they think the child needs. If I'm incorrect, forgive me.
Yes, all of this comes from a good place. Like I said, I love my nephew and just think he could be so much further along than he is. I guess only time will tell.
Thanks for your replies  I'm sorry if I offended anyone with my comments.
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| Posted 4/17/14 9:21 AM |
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sapphire
LIF Adolescent
Member since 6/06 568 total posts
Name:
Elizabeth
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Re: Need opinions (sorry long)
I think you are an amazing aunt !
You are absolutely correct ohbaby08, school districts are minimalistic in what they tend to give. When parents are aware and know the protocol to get services many more can be put in place. Every CPSE and CSE meeting is about 'negotiation".... The goal is that your nephew has adequate support to access the curriculum (even preschool). He could very well thrive in UPK or mainstream kindergarten. You do not have to be "on any grade level" to be included. It's all about putting in the proper support, so the child's self esteem (socio emotional well being) is flourishing.
Feel free to send me a FM, perhaps the proper evaluations were not done to determine "need"
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| Posted 4/17/14 9:49 AM |
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Re: Need opinions (sorry long)
It's still tough since you aren't the parent but also know there are other resources out there beyond the school.
Maybe you can talk to them about seeing a developmental ped. Wait time is long but I just got DS into Cohen's and so far I'm very pleased.
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| Posted 4/17/14 2:19 PM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
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Re: Need opinions (sorry long)
There are only 2 months left in the school year, so it's a little late to transition to a special education school at this point.
Are his services provided at home through CPSE? If through CPSE, they should have had a meeting already to discuss K. Did they have that? Is mainstream a definite? If so, and mom isn't receptive to opinions (and many people aren't), hopefully the school personnel would pick up on an incorrect placement in the fall if he starts struggling. Many kids are put in mainstream that don't have any cognitive issues. The "least restrictive" option should always be the first choice.
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| Posted 4/21/14 7:20 AM |
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ohbaby08
Winter is Coming
Member since 10/07 1718 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need opinions (sorry long)
Posted by BargainMama
There are only 2 months left in the school year, so it's a little late to transition to a special education school at this point.
Are his services provided at home through CPSE? If through CPSE, they should have had a meeting already to discuss K. Did they have that? Is mainstream a definite? If so, and mom isn't receptive to opinions (and many people aren't), hopefully the school personnel would pick up on an incorrect placement in the fall if he starts struggling. Many kids are put in mainstream that don't have any cognitive issues. The "least restrictive" option should always be the first choice.
He is going into pre-k in the fall, not kindergarten. Sorry if that was confusing. His meeting is supposedly coming up soon. I guess that would be to discuss pre-k options? His parents seem to be dead set on sending him to the mainstream upk program and then taking him to get his services after school. I feel like he would benefit more from going to a special needs pre-k that is more equipped to deal with his issues. My concern is that in the mainstream upk he might just continue with the behavioral problems since the teacher won't have time to deal with him individually, like a SN pre-k would.
He was receiving his therapies at home through cpse, but maybe that will be changing next year. Like I said, they are like pulling teeth to get info., which is why I kind of stopped asking.
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| Posted 4/21/14 12:22 PM |
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KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination
Member since 5/05 4431 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Need opinions (sorry long)
The ideal is to send your child to a mainstream class and to pull for services. Of course this always depends on the needs of the child. If he truly needs to be a special ed preschool program they would be offering that to him. I have never heard of a school district denying sending a child to program if they truly needed it. As long as he has the proper supports he may thrive in a typical setting and the children might provide appropriate role models in helping him correct his behaviors. It is ultimately his parents decision and it seems they want to handle his placement and care themselves as they are not giving you the information. I would stay of out of it and just offer them support on whatever decision they make.
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| Posted 4/21/14 12:51 PM |
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Re: Need opinions (sorry long)
What you also need to realize as well is that some parents fear their child being labeled, which is another reason they want to give a go ahead in mainstream school with services not being provided there. And the teacher doesn't need to know if the child is getting services either. This is law too.
There is no right or wrong answer.
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| Posted 4/21/14 6:36 PM |
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Re: Need opinions (sorry long)
PS what I am learning as well through this whole process is sometimes kids thrive at school with no behavioral issues.....then it could possibly be a behavioral problem at home/environments outside the school.
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| Posted 4/21/14 6:38 PM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Need opinions (sorry long)
School districts vary with the amount of services they will provide. I work with someone who has a child the same age as mine and I have been surprised by the amount of services they have provided without her really demanding them. My experience overall has been pretty good, but I do my homework and know what to ask for and what is reasonable to expect. I think I understand what you are saying is that the parents in this scenario maybe are not so well informed about what the child is entitled to, or what to ask for in terms of services. I think you can approach them with something like "you know my friend so and so receives parent training once a month and finds it really helpful. Did the district offer that to you?" Their response to that might give you an indication of how open they are to suggestions. I will tell you that as a parent of a special needs child, you do receive a lot of unsolicited opinions and advice and while it can come from a good place, it can still be annoying or hurtful sometimes.
Also, often times if kids are higher functioning, it may be more beneficial for them to be in an inclusion or a mainstream setting because in those classrooms they can get some great peer modelling, which they wouldn't get in a self contained special ed class. It could be that the district feels that he could benefit from the exposure to typical kids by putting him in that class, especially if his social skills need work. If it doesn't work, they can re-assess for Kindergarten. Also, they may feel like it's better for him not to be pulled out of class for services. It's hard to say if the district is doing all they can since every child's needs are different. What looks to you from the outside like it might not be enough, might be fine for him.
Message edited 4/22/2014 2:35:39 PM.
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| Posted 4/22/14 2:33 PM |
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ohbaby08
Winter is Coming
Member since 10/07 1718 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need opinions (sorry long)
Posted by dpli
School districts vary with the amount of services they will provide. I work with someone who has a child the same age as mine and I have been surprised by the amount of services they have provided without her really demanding them. My experience overall has been pretty good, but I do my homework and know what to ask for and what is reasonable to expect. I think I understand what you are saying is that the parents in this scenario maybe are not so well informed about what the child is entitled to, or what to ask for in terms of services. I think you can approach them with something like "you know my friend so and so receives parent training once a month and finds it really helpful. Did the district offer that to you?" Their response to that might give you an indication of how open they are to suggestions. I will tell you that as a parent of a special needs child, you do receive a lot of unsolicited opinions and advice and while it can come from a good place, it can still be annoying or hurtful sometimes.
Also, often times if kids are higher functioning, it may be more beneficial for them to be in an inclusion or a mainstream setting because in those classrooms they can get some great peer modelling, which they wouldn't get in a self contained special ed class. It could be that the district feels that he could benefit from the exposure to typical kids by putting him in that class, especially if his social skills need work. If it doesn't work, they can re-assess for Kindergarten. Also, they may feel like it's better for him not to be pulled out of class for services. It's hard to say if the district is doing all they can since every child's needs are different. What looks to you from the outside like it might not be enough, might be fine for him.
Thanks for the info. The main problem, from what I've observed, is that his parents definitely do not know what they should be asking for and it seems like the district isn't telling them either. Like I said, they are very passive people.
His home environment definitely does not help his situation. He has zero friends. No playdates, no outside school social interaction with kids his age. We don't see them all that often even though we live in the same town. When we do get together, you can tell how excited he is to be with other kids.
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| Posted 4/24/14 9:26 AM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need opinions (sorry long)
Posted by ohbaby08
His home environment definitely does not help his situation. He has zero friends. No playdates, no outside school social interaction with kids his age. We don't see them all that often even though we live in the same town. When we do get together, you can tell how excited he is to be with other kids.
I know you are trying to help, but this is not something I would say to them. This pretty much describes my son's situation - no friends, no playdates. It's not for lack of trying, more due to circumstances and his difficulty in social settings. Social skills are an incredibly difficut thing to teach a child. If you have children, offer to have him come over more often if you live nearby. It's hard to set up playdates when you don't have typical kids in a similar age range in your social circle.
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| Posted 4/24/14 1:17 PM |
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Re: Need opinions (sorry long)
Posted by dpli
Posted by ohbaby08
His home environment definitely does not help his situation. He has zero friends. No playdates, no outside school social interaction with kids his age. We don't see them all that often even though we live in the same town. When we do get together, you can tell how excited he is to be with other kids.
I know you are trying to help, but this is not something I would say to them. This pretty much describes my son's situation - no friends, no playdates. It's not for lack of trying, more due to circumstances and his difficulty in social settings. Social skills are an incredibly difficut thing to teach a child. If you have children, offer to have him come over more often if you live nearby. It's hard to set up playdates when you don't have typical kids in a similar age range in your social circle.
Agreed.
It's gotten better, but I often dreaded bringing DS to Target, let alone around a bunch of other kids, out of fear of him having a meltdown.
It's easy to say what a parent should be doing when it's not you in the situation actually parenting the child.
I got a diagnosis for my own child today and I am nervous about sharing it with my own sibling because I know if I even begin talking about meds she's going to take it in a direction that will probably end up in a fight.
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| Posted 4/24/14 3:24 PM |
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Mmm777
LIF Infant
Member since 2/13 330 total posts
Name:
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Need opinions (sorry long)
Agree with this , even while taking DS to parks he tries to hug kids as he doesn't know how to play, some of them don't mind , others keep saying no , if he hugs younger kids they get scared and cry , and to top it off a mom actually brushed her child's clothes cause my son touched , I for one don't have play dates at all...
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| Posted 4/30/14 9:52 PM |
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