Normal feeling??

I just had a discussion with my supervisor about experiencing the loss of our mothers and how that has pretty much numbed us from grieving over any other losses we encounter. Others around me may see me as being cold-hearted, but it's just not difficult for me anymore to go through wakes, funerals, etc. I attend them to show support, but deep down I'm not upset, I don't show any emotion, etc. My DH thinks I'm insensitive sometimes, but I can't help feeling that way. Anyone else feel something similar???

Re: Normal feeling??

I find it even harder. Espcially if it is someones mom. I feel I know what they are going through and it makes me hurt for them.

Since losing my mom we lost one of my brothers and I have to say that has been even harder to deal with.

Re: Normal feeling??

I have mixed feelings. My very good friend lost her father almost exactely a year after I lost my mother. I almost felt that my loss happened in order to help her through hers. Weird way of thinking I know but I think it really helped her to have my experience sad enough to say. But I've been to about 4 other wakes since then and I agree that I'm just numb going through the motions.

Re: Normal feeling??

It's case by case for me -- but overall, numbness.

Re: Normal feeling??

it has made me more sympatheic to other peoples loss- I can relate all to well and I get way more upset then I used too

Re: Normal feeling??

Definitely NUMB. although, when i go to funerals,etc., i feel as though im reliving my experience and that kills me.

Re: Normal feeling??

I had that numb, detached feeling for a long time after my father passed..I could still be sympathetic and show support, but I was detached..Just this past year we lost my cousin and it was different for me... I did feel the loss..i did mourn..no numbness or detachment..i guess it is a case by case basis...

Re: Normal feeling??

My mom's been gone for 11 years now. I have been through a few funerals since then but they haven't been someone extremely close to me. Thinking more about it, I know I would feel devastated if I lost anyone else that was truly close to me. I just hate that feeling of numbness that I have felt. I think I just lost my mom at a critical time in my life and didn't know how to cope, so I just shut myself off to so many things.

Re: Normal feeling??

i am 10x worse at funerals after my father passed away. recently my uncle passed away suddenly, and I think i was more of a mess because it reminded of me when my father passed away, and knowing how awful it is for my little cousins, who are elementary school aged.

Re: Normal feeling??

I learned how important wakes and funerals are after my father died so I am generally inclined to go. At my father's wake, I found the visitors comforting and I was proud that my father touched so many people.

That said, how upset or emotional I get at wakes or funerals drops off considerably when you go outside my immediate family. The death of my father was so painful that I just cannot go there for other people. The closest was when my cousin died 5 years ago -- we were the same age and it was a complete shock that he died.

I have a great amount of empathy but I don't/can't express it for some reason. I don't think it makes you insensitive at all. For me, I consider it a defense mechanism.

Message edited 10/2/2006 1:16:50 AM.