Is your 5 year old a follower?

Last week DS had a Halloween party at school. All his school friends were there. the parents weren't allowed to be involved...we were roped off to watch them. they had a dj and all the kids were dancing and having a great time but DS was following people around and not being himself. there were these 2 kids he kept following and they were playing with each other but not playing with DS. even tho he kept doing what they were doing. he followed them everywhere. they sat on the bench, he sat...then they got up and he stayed there alone. it was soooo sad to watch! meanwhile his real friends were dancing and having a great time. but he only wanted to follow these other kids. he's always been a follower but this was depressing. once the party was over he came over to me and asked if we can go home. but the next day he said he had a good time. i dont see how tho.

is there anything i can do to get him to be more himself in groups? i know some kids are followers but he's bad. at after care he told me he tried to play with some kids but they said they didnt want to play with him. i told him not all kids will want to play with him and he should walk away and find someone who will. but i think he still hung around those kids even tho they told him no.

Re: Is your 5 year old a follower?

My son is 6.5, he used to be like this at ages 4-5.


He had friends in preschool, but he always tried to "win over" the little boys who were aloof or not friendly with him.

He was like that a bit in kindergarten, but that changed over the course of the school year. He realized that he had nice friends to play with, and some kids are not worth it.

Now, in first grade, he sticks to those he likes, and who are nice to him. He doesn't bother with the others. He is also good at standing up for himself when he needs to.

I think it is a social skill that they just learn over time. I would role play with my son sometimes, to try and model how a true friend would act around you.

Re: Is your 5 year old a follower?

DS is like yours. You know he's 5 too. Super sweet and friendly, but he follows other's behavior. I haven't seen him in a situation where he was copying kids who didn't want to play with him, but he wants to be friends with everyone so he will tell me a boy is nice when he isn't.
I would be sad too. Hopefully he outgrows it. If he said he had fun maybe he did. Just keep enforcing to him that he doesn't have to be friends with everyone. Just be friendly and if the other kids don't want to play then be the kids who do. Not everyone is nice, but try to be the nice one.

I know it's tough at this age. Hopefully they're still naïve enough not to fully get it.

My 3 yr old on the other hand is so dependent and far from a follower. They're good for each other. LOL

Re: Is your 5 year old a follower?

I wouldn't say DS who will be 6 is a follower, but I do think at times he can be overbearing with other kids.

I think a huge part of it is he is an only child.

He has cousins his age who he sees almost daily, and he's definitely the King of the Pack with them, but at the end of the day, they have each other and he has to go home....

I have no plans to have more kids so it is what it is.

Re: Is your 5 year old a follower?

Yes my 5 yo is a follower. Just not a strong leader by nature, which worries me regarding the following.

Re: Is your 5 year old a follower?

Is your 5 year old a follower?

I think some kids just can't handle large groups. Especially when they're young.

Cailen, in a large group, will either only hang out with DH if he's there (we have been to these kinds of parties and dances at schools where parents are there but don't get involved. Doesn't matter....Cailen is still trying to sword fight or wrestle DH when the are kids around he can play with)

If Cailen can find his friends, he will hang so them,but to be honest, he always acted weird at parties and larger gatherings. I remember him being younger and not participating in holiday parties and crying later to DH that something is wrong with him. But DH is the same way... In large groups he doesn't mingle or interact (and I'm a social butterfly!!!)....

I think it's the opposite with Cai. He's not a follower to the point where he doesn't participate. He also is a major control freak and hates not being the one leading the activity. I think it's also because he's an only child, but there's nothing I can do about that, so......

developing social skills is a step by step process. They find their niche!

Message edited 11/2/2014 9:16:28 AM.

Re: Is your 5 year old a follower?

My dd is like this. She wont join the fun. She doesnt so much follow, but just watches. Unfortunately my whole life ive been shy, really shy. I hope and pray shes not like me

Re: Is your 5 year old a follower?

I've never seen my son literally follow around a kid that was snubbing him - but he is extremely concerned with what other kids think of him - He's always worried someone will make fun of him, or laugh at him or mock him ........for that reason I have a fear of him becoming a 'follower' and keep reminding him about right and wrong and treating people the way he wants to be treated etc etc -

He's also very shy in a group setting when it comes to anything he feels may draw attention to him (dancing, singing, gym class etc) Even standing up to say the pledge - he's reluctant to participate.
All of his friends can be dancing at a party, but he's hanging back watching ........

Message edited 11/3/2014 12:34:07 PM.

Re: Is your 5 year old a follower?

This post just brought back memories from my dad's K Halloween monster mash. She did the exact same thing!! Just replace the 2 boys with 2 girls. It was soooo painful to watch I still shudder at the memory of that night. This year was a tad better, but for some reason she tends to be excluded and other girls flock towards one or two girls in particular. I don't know or have an answer but you are not alone it is so hard to watch and not be able to help :(. But people tell me to step back and let nature take it's course. I guess they have to navigate this themselves and help them role play certain behaviors to help. Hugs

Re: Is your 5 year old a follower?

My son doesn't seem to be a follower at all except at one event when he was 6 and he had a major crush on a girl in his class. Boy did he follow her at that event and she was following another boy. What a love triangle. I felt she was a bit too cold but hey, I see I at as his mom.