Need Help - DS in 2nd grade and doing poorly

DS is 7 and in 2nd grade.

In Kindergarten, his teacher raised concern about his attention and possibly being hyper-active. We talked and decided she would bring it to the group that assesses whether a child needs to be evaluated or not. End result- no eval needed, just keep an eye on things, and at least it was being documented.

1st grade was okay, but quite a transition for him from K. His teacher was a very loving, nurturing woman. She expressed concerns with his work, we addressed them and he improved. He had trouble with reading, but progressed by leaps/bounds when we found the right books for him.

2nd grade - a whole different world. After finding out his teacher, some friends said "Oh I hear she's mean" and others said "She's tough, but good". She is quite easy to communicate with, but when I asked her a question about his behavior and expressed some concerns I was having, her response was straight forward, and eye opening.

Basically, he relies too much on adults for assistance, He does the BARE minimum, does not check his work, puts in very little effort.

" relies heavily on adults to motivate him and give him the answers if possible. He is not ready for more independence and needs to read out loud to you every night for 20 minutes and talk about the book before writing."

"He started out weak in spelling and he does not go back and check his work . . . He needs to think more about what he is doing and why. . . He is also not a strong reader, and stronger readers tend to be better spellers because they have seen words repeatedly and they "look right" to them when they spell them."

"In the last math unit, he would wait for me to tell him what to do next each time, but he finally realized he needed to tell me what to do and is starting to get the concepts that we redo daily. He needs to take more responsibility for his learning."

"He is in no way hyperactive in school in my opinion. I do not see him being overly restless. He does need redirecting with encouragement to do the task at hand, but that does not appear to be due to his inability to focus. He does lack motivation and does not like to do some work, but that is more a choice that you can help him with by giving clear directions and expectations."

If you're still with me, any ideas what I/We can do to help with teaching to be more independent and to be responsible for his work/actions?

What I am battling with is I work FT M-F and find that my later afternoon/evenings are spent with a couple of activities (Cub Scouts, Lacrosse & religion), homework, dinner and spending my time with the 2 kids. Add in there cleaning up, giving baths/showers, etc. DH works law enforcement and is out of the house for the majority of their awake time.

Thank you for taking the time to read this :o)

Need Help - DS in 2nd grade and doing poorly

I would ask for specifics from the teacher-- "not a strong reader" is a very vague statement. Does he need help with decoding, fluency,vocabulary, comprehension?? I would ask for some data--so you can see his progress, where was he in september, then december, and now almost March. Sometimes when children do not understand the directions, they may sit there rather than ask for help. Does having directions repeated help, etc?? He may benefit from having a reminder card in his folder or on his desk(When I need help I can-- with a list of 3 things he can do if he isn't sure).
The language of it all seems very vague to me-- "Taking more responsibility for his learning" seems like a statement I would say to a student in high school-- not 2nd grade!! Ask the teacher what things she has done that have proven to be successful in the classroom.
In the end, as a parent it is your right to request an eval. An eval may also give you some answers that you are seeking.

Need Help - DS in 2nd grade and doing poorly

Honestly, I would ask the school to do an evaluation for any learning disabilities. They have to do it if you request it in writing. Not all learning disabilities are easily detected. (i.e. Dyslexia, processing disorders). That would be a starting point. You can send the request in writing to your school's special ed department. It can't hurt. Google a sample letter and you will find many you can use.

My son has ADHD. I am not saying yours does, but second grade is where we started to really notice the problems. In third grade, the sh*t hit the fan, so to speak, and he started failing classes.

I had to laugh when the teacher said "relies heavily on adults to motivate him and give him the answers if possible". My son is 11 and in middle school and I still help him every night with homework. And he still fishes for the answers from me. Haha.

Re: Need Help - DS in 2nd grade and doing poorly

He also could just very well be bored! I would ask how she differentiates the work for him. Does she encourage him to ask two friends before he asks her for help? How does she encourage him to be more independent? Incentives? Rewards? Encouragement? Celebration?

I also think that boys need a lot of physical activity. My kids were always so much better at focusing after recess or PE.

Good Luck! It also wouldn't hurt to have him evaluated as well. More information never hurts. Also, she never writes about what he does well...I think that is telling on many levels.

Re: Need Help - DS in 2nd grade and doing poorly

Personally, I wouldn't rush to do an evaluation. I would first see specifically what interventions are being done in the classroom. If you go to CSE too quickly and the school hasn't gone through their due diligence of response to intervention, that might get brought up as a reason to deny services. Does he receive reading help? Math lab? Is the teacher doing any sort of behavior plan to help motivate him in the class? She could do the plan in school and you could provide the reward at home (iPad time, video game, whatever he would find rewarding). I think she brings up some good points, but I think she/you need to tease out whether his lack of motivation and responsibility for his schoolwork is due to attentional issues, a learning disability or just work avoidance. It's not so odd to find kids that try to avoid doing their schoolwork! I think above all else he needs to be rewarded for what he is doing well and I would make it clear to the teacher that you expect that to be happening in school as well. She clearly knows his weaknesses, I hope she recognizes his strengths as well.

Re: Need Help - DS in 2nd grade and doing poorly

My DS is in 3rd grade and has an ADD Inattentive diagnosis. He has some similar struggles as your DS in terms of working towards being more independent and taking more responsibility for himself. Fortunately for him, he doesn't have any academic struggles, it's more the motivation to sit down and get things done.
At home, we make him do his homework independently. Then we check it over and make corrections together. I will then usually come up with similar problems/questions on a seperate piece of paper and make him do that to make sure he understands the concept. He does read independently, but I used to have him read aloud. He also really likes when I read to him, so that's a treat sometimes.
As for school, he requires a good amount of redirection. We have found that he performs better when he sits seperately, so he will go over to the computer table sometimes to work without distraction. I felt bad about it at first, like he was being singled out, but he likes it and it helps him work more effectively, so I'm all for it. The teacher tries to call on him to answer questions just to make sure he's paying attention.

Re: Need Help - DS in 2nd grade and doing poorly

Thank you all for sharing and the advise. I read all of this to DH, and he feels I should at least reach out to the teacher for more information and details. I'm his #1 cheerleader, his #1 supporter, but I hope my lack of confidence and doubt in myself can be overpowered by my desire for helping him improve.

Re: Need Help - DS in 2nd grade and doing poorly

It's intimidating when a teacher comes on strong, like your DS seems to. But you need to deal with it head on. Tell her that you are aware that these issues exist. Let her know you are open to any advice age has on how you could better help DS at home. But then you need to also ask her how she is helping him to succeed in the classroom. He is there the vast majority of his day and they need to have a plan in place to help him along the way. Brainstorm together about different tactics you can try to help him be more dependent. Maybe a reward chart or weekly updates.

Re: Need Help - DS in 2nd grade and doing poorly

Thank you Nicole - your 1st response really felt like I had written it - regarding the motivation to sit down & get things done. Not just school work, but things at home he needs to be constantly reminded to do or not do things.

I was reluctant to post her entire email because it's long - but it fills in some blanks -

First, let's talk about the spelling. Our entire Fundations unit focuses on one topic or sound. This unit is er, ir, and ur. He has to know that when he hears the er sound, he has to use one of the three. In class we have a spelling option dictionary to look up words after we tried them all three ways until we can recognize them on our own. We work on words and sounds everyday and do sentences every few days. He started out weak in spelling and he does not go back and check his work. When he is writing, ask him to tap out the syllable and tell you the sounds he hears in our Fundation words. Then ask him why he spelled it the way he did. He needs to think more about what he is doing and why. I would not practice the word dictation words for an hour, but I would have him practice 5 or 6 trick words from first grade each night for a few minutes until he spells them correctly every time. Then move on to new words to replace the ones he knows. He is also not a strong reader, and stronger readers tend to be better spellers because they have seen words repeatedly and they "look right" to them when they spell them.

We are working on developing independence, but Troy relies heavily on adults to motivate him and give him the answers if possible. He is not ready for more independence and needs to read out loud to you every night for 20 minutes and talk about the book before writing. He should refer back to the book to help with spelling as he writes. He should also be writing at least half a page now each night. I was surprised when I got your letter about him not needing to do all of the entries because he did a really long one one night. The long one is what I expect every night and he knows it because we have talked about it. I find that Troy will do the bare minimum if he can, but that will not help him to improve as you would like.

In the last math unit, he would wait for me to tell him what to do next each time, but he finally realized he needed to tell me what to do and is starting to get the concepts that we redo daily. He needs to take more responsibility for his learning.

As far as tests, I tell them in advance about tests and they know what is expected to do well on them. You can always check the homework packet - usually the night you see the new unit with the trick words is the same day that we test the old unit. This week, our test is on Thursday and I have told the children several times, so be sure to ask Troy about when future tests are - most units are two weeks long, but there are a few exceptions. Our next math test will be at the end of the week we return from vacation. This math unit has been really easy and he should do better.

He is in no way hyperactive in school in my opinion. I do not see him being overly restless. He does need redirecting with encouragement to do the task at hand, but that does not appear to be due to his inability to focus. He does lack motivation and does not like to do some work, but that is more a choice that you can help him with by giving clear directions and expectations. Think about situations at home where he seems most restless and keep track of what is happening so you get a better picture of when this concerns you most. Then get back to me and I will see if I can give you ideas to help.

Thank you for be such a loving, concerned parent! Let me know if this answers your questions or if you would like to speak further!

Re: Need Help - DS in 2nd grade and doing poorly

It sounds like you have a good teacher. It's disheartening for teachers to point out your child's flaws, but it seems that she is being as constructive about it as she can be. She gave you specific examples of where he struggles. And those are things you can tackle. I would start with one thing at a time so it's not overwhelming.
The 4-5 words at a time is a good place to start. Sound them out together. Let him spell it how he thinks. Then make the corrections with explanation. Some words will be easier and some will be tricky that will just require him to memorize the correct spelling.
As far as being talked through each assignment, DS used to be just like that. We tried to wean him off our assistance. Rather then tell him what he needs to do, ask him to read the directions out loud and explain to you what gets supposed to do. After he gets used to that, he will ask you fur help less often. My DS will still sometimes say "I don't get it" but really he's just being lazy and not trying to figure it out before asking for help.
It's definitely a struggle at time to get things done- whether it's homework or chores around the house. And the truth us, I'm a yeller. I get frustrated with him because I know he's capable of better, he just doesn't think things through before doing. I will tell you that it gets better with each year he gets older. He does gain more independence and even when he makes poor choices, he can better recognize it and make a better choice next time.

Need Help - DS in 2nd grade and doing poorly

I posted something similar about my 1st grader the other day. I know what you mean about the lack of time to do anything "extra" to help.

Out of curiosity, what were the books that helped him with his reading? That's our main issue right now.

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Re: Need Help - DS in 2nd grade and doing poorly

Re: Need Help - DS in 2nd grade and doing poorly

Need Help - DS in 2nd grade and doing poorly

You really can't get a 504 plan unless you have some sort of diagnosis, which is why you may want to get him evaluated. It cost you nothing and if you catch it now, he can get the help he needs. And if they find nothing, you know you have to step up your game at home and school to get him where he needs to be.

Re: Need Help - DS in 2nd grade and doing poorly

Re: Need Help - DS in 2nd grade and doing poorly