Autism dx and DH having a tough time

As I mentioned in other posts, my LO was diagnosed with mild autism about 3 weeks ago from his psych eval. He is already in EI getting services. We have a meeting this week to discuss adding ABA to his services now that he is diagnosed.

DH has been having a very tough time with this. It is hard for me too, but I am so exhausted, it's hard for me to comfort him. In the beginning, he denied it and said there's no way. As each day is passing, it's like the light bulb went on and we are seeing it now for the first time with our own eyes.

We went to a party yesterday with our kids and my youngest was a terror. He has now started to hit himself when he is frustrated and pulls my hair and will not let go. I was so embarrassed. He has sensory issues and always needs to holds something. So he's walking around holding these 3 little magnets and somehow got a hold of a glass one which I took away and he completely flipped out. Everyone was staring. I think DH finally realized ok our son does have this. It's so apparent when he's in a group setting like that how far behind my DS is (he'll be 3 in May).

The psychologist saw the look of frustration in our eyes when he came and he said don't worry, help is on the way. ABA will help him. I really hope so.

It's just tough for me for me to be strong for DH. I know he needs me. But I need to lean on him too. Sorry for this rambling post. Just had a tough day yesterday and needed to write it out.

Re: Autism dx and DH having a tough time

Just wanted to send you hugs Because I have been there. Dh was so against me bringing in the psychologist for the evaluation, he sat there with attitude and once he was diagnosed we went through a rough patch for a while since he thought I was over reacting and that there was nothing wrong with our son. It became worse once we heard about how many hours we had to accommodate for Aba which was hard at the time since ds was watched by different people different days of the week. Anyway eventually he finally came around and acknowledged the diagnosis, our relationship I think got a lot better once ds was able to get his services at a full day center because it was less stress on us trying to fit the home therapy. Bottom line is that you are doing the right thing getting the help your ds needs and eventually your dh will see that

Also I used to be embarrassed in situations but now i don't let it get to me- I just explain that ds is special needs and family and close friends know about his diagnosis so they don't judge if he is acting out. Hang in there!

Message edited 12/29/2015 7:05:58 PM.

Autism dx and DH having a tough time

DS is in the process of being diagnosed with mild ASD (he's closer to Asperger's, but that isn't a diagnosis anymore) and while it's been a process for both of us emotionally, it's been harder on DH. I also have a lot more experience with Autism than he does (my brother has Autism, and I've worked with students with Autism for several years), so my perspective tends to be different than DH's. DS is in speech and in an integrated program, and DH kept insisting he would catch up and be fine. It's been a process.

DS's major trigger is loud noises. We've learned to warn him before we go places that may be loud, or avoid them altogether. It helps knowing how to circumvent his triggers, but it's a work in progress.

Hugs to you and your family!

Autism dx and DH having a tough time

Accepting the diagnosis is very difficult because alot of the hopes and dreams for your child have now been changed. It's almost like a grieving process in the beginning.

I accepted it right away and my main goal was to get her as much services as possible and to get to live the most "normal" life possible. DH on the other hand is still in a bit of a denial (it's been 6 years from diagnosis) and still thinks she will grow out of it. My advice is to get your DH as involved as possible. When you get parent training, make sure he is part of it. Make sure he talks to the therapists and doctors so he knows what is going on. I am very in tune with my daughter and know all of her triggers and can anticipate almost anything she wants, but that is because I am with her ALL the time. DH works and does not have the same contact with her and the parent trainers have been essential for him to understand her and what sets her off and how to defuse situations.

It is going to take time but don't let people ever make you feel bad at parties/stores/events etc. For years I have declined invitations because I knew it would be too noisy or I know they were serving dinner too late or it would be sensory overload. My family gives me grief still because DD presents very "typical" until she has a meltdown. I do what is best for her and to heck with everyone else. As your son gets older try to make some couple friends with other parents in the classes. It is such a relief when we go to a special needs party or playdate because the parents get it and we do not have to be on the edge the entire time. It does get easier over time. Good luck!!

Re: Autism dx and DH having a tough time

You need a . I agree with the PP that accepting the diagnosis is hard and it takes a while.

To be honest when my DD was diagnosed, I cried. DH was living 800 miles away and I had to go through this myself. And everyime he would come home for a visit, he'd say there was nothing wrong with her and that we jumped to conclusions. No one wants to get the diagnosis that their child has special needs, but what's important is that you are there for your child every step of the way. Eventually DH will come around, it takes a lot of time.

As far as meltdowns go, you have to do what is best for your child to hell with everyone else. And yes people will whisper and stare. And you will get a comment now and again where someone says something along the lines of "Someone needs to learn how to discipline their child" or "Someone needs to teach that child some manners" etc... But you learn to either ignore them or my now go to response is "My daughter isnt giving me a hard time, she's having a hard time. She has ASD, what's your excuse for being an ass?"

Some days are harder than others but you'll both get through. :) Hang in there. This is a great board for help.

Re: Autism dx and DH having a tough time

Thank you for all the replies. Yes, it's a lot to digest. I couldn't even say the word autism in the beginning. I finally went onto autism speaks and read where it says my child has been diagnosed? Now what? The first 100 days after diagnosis. I sobbed for over an hour.

Yes, we are going to get him all the help in the world. Hopefully all this intervention will truly help. I will say DH I think is finally starting to accept this. He was with me at the EI meeting and will also be coming to the CPSE evaluation meeting at the end of next month. We both think it's important to be there for all evals, even though we are juggling work schedules and our other kids. Thank god he was there for the psych eval so he heard and saw with his own ears from the psychologist.

We have slowly started to tell our close circle of friends. That was actually easier than I thought it would be. And that party incident actually helped to break the ice about it because I used it to explain why he was acting up and about his needing to hold objects and his possessiveness.

Thank you everyone for your feedback. It really helps.

Re: Autism dx and DH having a tough time

As a professional in the field i will tell you first hand that you are going to see drastic improvements with ABA. Where behavior is concerned and developmentally......even though i know its hard to see now there is hope! Best of luck to you and feel free to fm me at any time.