Re: Touchy subject but I am curious

Re: Touchy subject but I am curious

I think if a woman can give birth, more power to her.

Re: Touchy subject but I am curious

A very touchy subject, indeed. Having a child if you aren't mentally stable is a lot more selfish than having one at any particular age. I'm sure that we all know of people who were selfish in their choice to have a child, and that selfishness has nothing to do with whether they were 20 or 40. But, I'm not implyng that mothers of any particular age are more stable than others.

For me, I am already 38, with no kids. I'm not sure if I would want to go through pregnancy past 40, but I would not consider 40 to be a cutoff. My cutoff might be about 43, but I am not sure. I'd probably consider adopting if I don't have kids before 40. I'd still be an older parent anyway, though!

Re: Touchy subject but I am curious

I don't think it's a touchy subject. I just turned 37 (been told I look 27 ). I just got married last June. My DH and I are TTC and hope to have 2 be the time I am 40. I really do wish I had children when I was younger, but I am very open-minded about the subject.

Re: Touchy subject but I am curious

Wow, I am shocked at how many people are saying 40 is their cut off.

Re: Touchy subject but I am curious

If I didn't already have a child and was trying to concieve my first I would respond with no cut off age, however you know I have Lauren in my life so for me I am completely content with having another up until 40, but not after for us. After going through the infancy stage, diapers, potty training, school... I personally would be done by that age. Again, only because I've been through it and personally I want to be done by that age. This is a personal decision for us, not for someone else.

Re: Touchy subject but I am curious

I have a unique perspective here. DH's dad remarried 10 years ago. DH and his older sister were in college and his dad' new wife was never married and never had kids. They tried for ten years and did IVF an few times. Well, she got pregnant when she was 53 and my FIL was 59. I don't think it is fair to their daughter, not to mention that fact that she is a total b!tch and will not let DH see her child because "DH and his sister are from a past life" WTH?? I mean, they could both have helath issues in a few years and then what?? She would be an orphan??

Anyway, my dad is living with his girlfriend now(the one he cheated on my mom with). My dad is 56 and his girlfriend who recently divorced her hubby for my dad is 47. She never had kids, apparently her ex did not want kids and she did (she was married to him for 11 years ). When I was preggo she was jealous of me and said all kinds of messed up Sh!t to my dad about me which he then told me. The kicker is she wants to get pregnant and have a kid with my dad.

OK, HELLO my dad already has kids and he told my mom he was done having kids! I don't get why she would get preggo, it is selfish. My dad told me that if she did get pregnant he would "go along with it to make her happy". What if something happened to my dad? I mean their kid would barely be out of high school and my dad could have serious health problems. Not to mention the health risks to her and the baby.
I know a lot of you may not agree with me here, but I don't get why you would have you kids when you are in your late 40's or 50's. Especally if your new hubby had kids from a previous marriage.

Sorry for the vent, but this is a touchy subject with me.

Re: Touchy subject but I am curious

Dina, I hear your vent. I think for a lot of woman in that situation it's their first marrage and their first chance to have a child with the man they love. so if you desire it so much why not try. If they are happy and vibrant people why not? I can speculate and voice my opinion because my dad and step mother were in the same situation. my father cheated... married to a new woman, she wanted children, but ultimetly could not have any. There was a dark period in our lives where I was not a part of their lives and she thought (told by my father) we would not be a part of their lives. anyway, off the subject. I just think if someone wants a child so despretly and they bcan provide a good healthy and loving home for a wanted child, why shouldn't they? KWIM. I do think they should be in touch and close to their previous children for just in case someone has to raise their child.

Re: Touchy subject but I am curious

Message edited 10/12/2006 11:13:15 AM.

Re: Touchy subject but I am curious

interesting question...

my mother was 39 when she had me, my dad was 45. 31 years ago that made for a very high-risk situation. i was born prematurely and almost died. nowadays, having a baby at that age is more and more common, and any associated health risks are pretty easily manageable.

i sometimes feel like i got the short end of the stick, being born so late in my parents' life. i had no cousins my age, my family had no friends with kids my age... so i often felt lonely. i lost my dad at age 27 - my sister and brother were 40 and 44 - which gets me really down sometimes. my mother is older, so i sometimes feel this pressure to have children soon so that they will know her... these are some of the 'cons' of being the child of an older parent.

on the other hand, i got to spend much more quality time with my dad, since he was working a lot less by age 45. and i definitely benefited from my parents being more mellow and experienced in their older age. my older brother and sister were like my second parents, and i always felt very nurtured by my entire family since i was the 'baby'. so there are definitely some 'pros' of having older parents too...

ideally i would like to have all of my children before age 36 or so. but life doesn't always work exactly the way we want, so i'm open to having children later in life too.

Re: Touchy subject but I am curious

For me? Personally 45 would be my cut off due to the increased risk of probelms with the baby. Maybe 46 if I reallyw as still trying.

I think IMO the same should go for everyone.

A 50 yr old having a baby is very unhealthy for her and the baby and is selfish and silly to me. I do think they should and could adopt though. I see nothing wrong with having a baby another way at that age....

Re: Touchy subject but I am curious

I am the child of older parents. My mother was 38 and my father was 43 when they had me. By today's standards, that is no big deal. But back in 1969/1970, it was. Today's 38 year old has a lot more information and (more than likely better health) than a 38 year old back in the 70s.

I still wouldnt have a child at 50. I dont see it being easy for anyone.

Re: Touchy subject but I am curious

I dont think its ever too late to have children provided the health of the mother and child arent compromised.