What advice would you give your LO if they are being left out

DD is in Pre-k, so I know that I have many years ahead of me to be a pro at this, but right now I'm lost.

She came home from school yesterday and told me that one of the girls said that only girls with a pink/purple jacket can be in the "club". DD has a navy jacket, so she was clearly being left out. She told me she went to a teachers aide and told her what happened and the aide made the girl apologize.

She didn't seem THAT bothered by it, but told DH & I at separate times during the night, so I know it was on her mind.

At first I told her if that happens again to go play with someone else, but then I'm like: why let the other girl dictate what my DD does? So, then I told her to tell the little girl that that's not nice, etc.

Just curious what advice you give your LO in these situations?

Re: What advice would you give your LO if they are being left out

DS has been in a few of these situations on the playground.

I too told him to go play with some other friends the first time it happened.

After the second incident, I told him that they were being mean and that not everyone is always going to want to play with him or be nice. I told him that he does not need friends who exclude others from playing with them. That children like that are not who he wants as friends anyway.

I also told him that they were the ones who were missing out in not having him as a friend.

ETS: DS is in 1st. This happened in K. We tell him all the time that he should be nice to everyone and to never follow along with any other child who excludes another child or who is making another child feel sad.

Message edited 1/19/2017 4:20:18 PM.

What advice would you give your LO if they are being left out

I'm early in this game too but I try to teach dd to be assertive with her words. Tell the girl that that's not nice and she doesn't like it. It's easy enough for her to remember and applies in a lot of situations. I want her to stand up for herself and others so it's something we talk about often.

What advice would you give your LO if they are being left out

Been through it many many times. I taught/still teaching my DD to just go play with someone else. To be kind to everyone and that way if one group doesn't want to play that she can always go over to another because she is friendly with them all. I would though tell the teacher and they should nip that in the bud. Kids at that age are still impressionable so the teacher should be teaching to be inclusive to everyone and not tolerate when they are not.

What advice would you give your LO if they are being left out

Thanks guys.

Re: What advice would you give your LO if they are being left out

Re: What advice would you give your LO if they are being left out

This type of exclusion is bullying. There is a lot of literature on how girls bully other girls by withholding friendship, and how educators don't necessarily recognize the behavior as bullying because it doesn't involve name calling and/or physical interaction.

I have taught my daughter to stand up to that type of behavior by pointing out to the perpetrator that it is mean to exclude people. I do not tell her to go play with someone else as the remedy because, IMHO, that is letting the bully get away with it.