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amac27
LIF Toddler
Member since 8/09 471 total posts
Name:
A
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Help! Parent with Alzheimer's
Hi! My father has severe Alzheimer's. My parents live in another state. He had a really bad episode today (one of many) and I think we are at the point that he needs to be in a facility. I cannot take him in as I have 2 small children and he sometimes becomes violent.
The problem is that I have no idea how to start the process of finding a home/getting him a home. My parents definitely cannot afford to pay out of pocket. For those of you who have been in this position before, what were your first steps??
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Posted 11/14/20 1:33 AM  |
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Mushesgirl
Too blessed to be stressed
Member since 4/09 6691 total posts
Name:
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Re: Help! Parent with Alzheimer's
So sorry you are dealing with this!
I'm not a social worker but i've worked in geriatrics for years.
Generally what happens is he can initially get admitted into the hospital (like for a violent episode as you describe), if he has Medicare and stays for 3 days, he can then be sent to a facility for "rehab"...but if it is determined he is not safe at home, the social worker can begin paperwork for placement, which would include applying for Medicaid if he doesn't have it.
Medicare does not pay for long term care. Medicaid does.
I hope this helps and i'm sure others on here can chime in with personal experiences; I know there are some social workers on here also that know much better than I.
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| Posted 11/14/20 1:52 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Help! Parent with Alzheimer's
You probably will need to get an elder care attorney to assist you with getting him on Medicaid.
The nursing home my FIL is in is upwards of $16K per month. Medicare and his private insurance only pay for the first so many days- and then that's it. It may be 60 days, or 100 days, not sure.
They expect you to exhaust everything you have- including your home- before Medicaid kicks in.
The lawyer helped navigate it all- get the house and assets into a trust, figure out how much they could afford, explain everything, help with the application process for the home etc
It's a lot to navigate without some kind of professional help.
Best of luck to you, I know it isn't easy.
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| Posted 11/14/20 2:15 AM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19461 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Help! Parent with Alzheimer's
I hate to say you needed to start this five years ago, but that is the honest truth. I am putting this out there for there’s who are in a similar situation. I am not your attorney and this is general advice. You need an elder care attorney licensed in the state where your parents reside. Your parents need to get his primary care physician on board. The next episode needs to bring him to the hospital. Then his doctor needs him admitted overnight. After that your mom has to say she cannot take him home and his home is unsafe for him. At that point you will need the hospital social worker and patient advocate. Does he have Medicaid and Medicare? I am assuming your parents did not purchase long term care insurance. I am also hoping for your sake they do not live in Pennsylvania. If they do you can legally be on the hook for covering his care. PA as a State goes after family members for care. Ultimately, your mom will need an elder care attorney to help navigate your next steps.
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| Posted 11/14/20 4:29 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Help! Parent with Alzheimer's
Posted by LSP2005
I hate to say you needed to start this five years ago, but that is the honest truth. I am putting this out there for there’s who are in a similar situation. I am not your attorney and this is general advice. You need an elder care attorney licensed in the state where your parents reside. Your parents need to get his primary care physician on board. The next episode needs to bring him to the hospital. Then his doctor needs him admitted overnight. After that your mom has to say she cannot take him home and his home is unsafe for him. At that point you will need the hospital social worker and patient advocate. Does he have Medicaid and Medicare? I am assuming your parents did not purchase long term care insurance. I am also hoping for your sake they do not live in Pennsylvania. If they do you can legally be on the hook for covering his care. PA as a State goes after family members for care. Ultimately, your mom will need an elder care attorney to help navigate your next steps.
I agree about starting early. After the mess my FIL left for his kids to deal with, we have decided to get our house in a trust and everything in order with a lawyer, sooner rather than later.
You just never know.
It's really sad that we have to think this way, but that is how it is in this country unfortunately when it comes to long term care.
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| Posted 11/14/20 4:31 AM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19461 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Help! Parent with Alzheimer's
Yes normal care in a facility is 10-12,000 per month, a memory care unit costs significantly more per month, 16,000 is average. The government does expect you to spend down your assets before qualifying.
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| Posted 11/14/20 4:49 AM |
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amac27
LIF Toddler
Member since 8/09 471 total posts
Name:
A
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Re: Help! Parent with Alzheimer's
Posted by LSP2005
Yes normal care in a facility is 10-12,000 per month, a memory care unit costs significantly more per month, 16,000 is average. The government does expect you to spend down your assets before qualifying.
What happens if my parents do not have any assets? My mom receives a pension, but she will still need money to live on after my dad goes to a facility.
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| Posted 11/14/20 6:43 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Help! Parent with Alzheimer's
Posted by amac27
Posted by LSP2005
Yes normal care in a facility is 10-12,000 per month, a memory care unit costs significantly more per month, 16,000 is average. The government does expect you to spend down your assets before qualifying.
What happens if my parents do not have any assets? My mom receives a pension, but she will still need money to live on after my dad goes to a facility.
They will apply him for Medicaid.
Does he own anything? House? Savings accounts? Any income for him like pension?
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| Posted 11/14/20 7:03 AM |
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amac27
LIF Toddler
Member since 8/09 471 total posts
Name:
A
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Re: Help! Parent with Alzheimer's
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by amac27
Posted by LSP2005
Yes normal care in a facility is 10-12,000 per month, a memory care unit costs significantly more per month, 16,000 is average. The government does expect you to spend down your assets before qualifying.
What happens if my parents do not have any assets? My mom receives a pension, but she will still need money to live on after my dad goes to a facility.
They will apply him for Medicaid.
Does he own anything? House? Savings accounts? Any income for him like pension?
He ownes nothing. My parents are absolutely horrible with money.
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| Posted 11/14/20 7:29 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Help! Parent with Alzheimer's
Posted by amac27
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by amac27
Posted by LSP2005
Yes normal care in a facility is 10-12,000 per month, a memory care unit costs significantly more per month, 16,000 is average. The government does expect you to spend down your assets before qualifying.
What happens if my parents do not have any assets? My mom receives a pension, but she will still need money to live on after my dad goes to a facility.
They will apply him for Medicaid.
Does he own anything? House? Savings accounts? Any income for him like pension?
He ownes nothing. My parents are absolutely horrible with money.
That's probably better in this case actually.
He needs to get on Medicaid and having less assets makes that easier.
Definitely consult with an elder care attorney to find out your options.
Good luck!
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| Posted 11/14/20 7:45 AM |
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JennP
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 3986 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: Help! Parent with Alzheimer's
I don't have any advice but I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.
I am headed this way with my mom, who is widowed and lives alone and shows many signs of dementia.
Good luck and you're not alone.
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| Posted 11/14/20 8:38 AM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19461 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Help! Parent with Alzheimer's
Posted by JennP
I don't have any advice but I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.
I am headed this way with my mom, who is widowed and lives alone and shows many signs of dementia.
Good luck and you're not alone.
JennP if you can see this coming please go to an elder care attorney with your mom while she is still competent to make decisions. You are not the client, she is. So you cannot go into the room, but it is a worthwhile discussion to have with her regarding her desires for care. Hugs
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| Posted 11/14/20 9:25 AM |
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hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 7997 total posts
Name:
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Re: Help! Parent with Alzheimer's
Posted by amac27
Posted by LSP2005
Yes normal care in a facility is 10-12,000 per month, a memory care unit costs significantly more per month, 16,000 is average. The government does expect you to spend down your assets before qualifying.
What happens if my parents do not have any assets? My mom receives a pension, but she will still need money to live on after my dad goes to a facility.
oh, that's a lot to deal with, so sorry
If your mother has asset and they live together combined assets is what medicaid looks at. She can look into spousal refusal
Yes, from the ER your dad can go straight to SNF., if they have medicaid already the rehab will start a 5 years look back to change from community medicaid to institutional. Some facilities will require a deposit in case until the look back is completed.
Going into a rehab medicare usually covers the first 100 days. Find out if your Dad has regular medicare, or a managed plan.
I suggest looking for a local Alzheimer chapter to see if they can assist.
A local JCC they usually have a SW to assist with Alzheimer patients
Message edited 11/14/2020 9:45:24 AM.
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| Posted 11/14/20 9:42 AM |
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JennP
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 3986 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: Help! Parent with Alzheimer's
Posted by LSP2005
Posted by JennP
I don't have any advice but I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.
I am headed this way with my mom, who is widowed and lives alone and shows many signs of dementia.
Good luck and you're not alone.
JennP if you can see this coming please go to an elder care attorney with your mom while she is still competent to make decisions. You are not the client, she is. So you cannot go into the room, but it is a worthwhile discussion to have with her regarding her desires for care. Hugs
Thank you so much for your advice. I wish I could get her to go - she doesn't trust lawyers at all.
I guess I can try again to convince her.
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| Posted 11/17/20 8:24 AM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19461 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Help! Parent with Alzheimer's
JennP, maybe look on line for horror stories of children saddled with their parents estate mess and ask her how she would handle it. Don’t start with we need to see an attorney. Say that your friend posted on line and you were sad for her and wondered how your mom would respond.
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| Posted 11/17/20 8:58 AM |
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JennP
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 3986 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: Help! Parent with Alzheimer's
Posted by LSP2005
JennP, maybe look on line for horror stories of children saddled with their parents estate mess and ask her how she would handle it. Don’t start with we need to see an attorney. Say that your friend posted on line and you were sad for her and wondered how your mom would respond.
I could try that. Thank you. I really appreciate it.
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| Posted 11/17/20 9:26 AM |
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chilltocam
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 9141 total posts
Name:
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Re: Help! Parent with Alzheimer's
Posted by JennP
Posted by LSP2005
Posted by JennP
I don't have any advice but I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.
I am headed this way with my mom, who is widowed and lives alone and shows many signs of dementia.
Good luck and you're not alone.
JennP if you can see this coming please go to an elder care attorney with your mom while she is still competent to make decisions. You are not the client, she is. So you cannot go into the room, but it is a worthwhile discussion to have with her regarding her desires for care. Hugs
Thank you so much for your advice. I wish I could get her to go - she doesn't trust lawyers at all.
I guess I can try again to convince her.
You can still have a consultation with an attorney - you mother doesn't have to go. Bring as much information as you have, to at least get some idea of what you can do/what should be done etc
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| Posted 11/17/20 10:55 PM |
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