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Message edited 12/16/2011 4:31:23 PM.

Re: The Can is Open, The Worms are Everywhere--Help!

I have actually been in a very similar situation, wanted to "do the right thing" with my ex's father, who he hadn't spoken to in years, and in the long run I ended up regretting it. It was a mess, for the most part.

However, I had no children then, and they do throw a monkey wrench into things. I can certainly understand why you did what you did, and to me that makes you a wonderful person and mommy. You were totally selfless, and I commend you for that.

As for NYE, can you maybe call them and tell them that you will go but you can't stay late because Bella will need to go to bed, and maybe just go for a couple of hours? That way you will have an out, and while you're there you can just focus on playing with the kids and see how it goes????

Re: The Can is Open, The Worms are Everywhere--Help!

Well, first relax a little. I don't know what happened in the past with your SIL and BIL though it sounds pretty bad but what's happening right now seems to be good. Apparently she was also a little apprehensive and cautious about rekindling the family ties which is why she called your MIL before inviting you guys over. That's actually a good thing in a strange way. I wouldn't say she needs to grow up, I would understand that after 1 year and a half of not speaking these are big steps the both families are taking to repair the damage. I applaud you and your DH for being the bigger people and starting to try to mend things for the children's sake.

Now, as for the visit. Set a limit for yourselves -- but DON'T back out. Backing out now would make things a million times worse. You'll be okay, you can survive this. Just decide how much you can take and at what point you will pick up and politely leave (not in a huff) if things start to go sour. If you think a time limit is necessary, then set that. Try not to be too defensive going in because she'll sense it. Chances are she's going to be defensive too, so try to cut her some slack at first. Definitely don't subject yourselves to any kind of abuse whatsoever, instead try to feel out the situation before it gets to that point so you can leave. Whenever it's necessary, return the focus to the children, talk about them, include them, etc because that seems to the reason and goal for repairing this relationship - definitely a worthy one.

I hope it goes really well. I can totally understand your apprehension and nervousness over the situation but try to relax because all those nerves will just make it harder to deal. GOOD LUCK and post an update to let us know how it went!

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Message edited 12/16/2011 4:32:05 PM.

Re: The Can is Open, The Worms are Everywhere--Help!

I feel for ya on the whole in laws things... I get sick of even the thought of going to my mil when the whole familys there...for they sorta gang up on me.... in the questioning and the rolling of the eyes when I wanna hold MY son!

The one thing that always seems to calm my nerves is knowing the moment I feel uncomfortable I can pack up my son and WALK OUT.... Ive actually pictured doing this several times...however never have because Im a chicken

I think the things your doing totally makes you the bigger person....but you gotta understand if you genuinely were trying to make things right...there was gonna come at time...where you'd be together ALONE with them.... it wasnt a one time thing!

WHy dont you only stop by....ease your way in...instead of jumping into a full day on IL fun..????


Either way...just know...YOU CAN ALWAYS LEAVE...the minute YOU feel uncomfortable!

Re: The Can is Open, The Worms are Everywhere--Help!

So, how did it go????

Re: The Can is Open, The Worms are Everywhere--Help!

I hope it went OK for you. What a stressful situation to deal with.

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Message edited 12/16/2011 4:32:44 PM.

Re: The Worms are Everywhere--UPDATED AT BOTTOM

I'm glad everything worked out, and you had a good time.

Re: The Worms are Everywhere--UPDATED AT BOTTOM

Posted by dee7772

I'm glad everything worked out, and you had a good time.

Re: The Worms are Everywhere--UPDATED AT BOTTOM

awwwwww glad everything worked out

Re: The Worms are Everywhere--UPDATED AT BOTTOM

I'm glad it worked out and that you started off the new year in peace or close to it.

Re: The Worms are Everywhere--UPDATED AT BOTTOM

I'm glad it worked out and I hope this is the first step to repairing the damage that's been done.

Re: The Worms are Everywhere--UPDATED AT BOTTOM

I'm glad everything worked out well for you. I have a similar situation with my BIL and his wife. I was never actually asked to leave their house (probably because I've never been invited), but definately everything I say is analyzed and misinterpreted. It has really cause alot of problems. We do get along at family functions, but I agree with your DH -- that the only way things will ever truly be resolved is if we all sit down and discuss what happened and what the problems actually are.

Re: The Worms are Everywhere--UPDATED AT BOTTOM

Oh I am so glad to hear that it went so well! It's going to take time of course to repair this relationship or even just make it better but this is definitely a great start!

Re: The Worms are Everywhere--UPDATED AT BOTTOM

I'm really glad you went. I'm sure it will take time to feel comfortable, but as you said it's one step at a time.

I had a falling out with my twin & BIL at one point (pre-children). Nothing as confrontational as being thrown out of a house, but serious enough that I was prepared to cut ties completely with her. After talking, my sister & I were prepared to move past the arguement rather than dwell on it. My BIL wanted a sit down with me. He was really a peripheral player in the situation, so I thought it was a bit overblown. I went to breakfast with him to clear the air. Now we're over it. I've fought with my sisters countless times & made up with them in our childhood. I've found it easier to make up with your own relatives than in-laws.

I know you don't want to make this an every day thing but it does sound like you & Jay want some sort of relationship with them even if it's a few times a year. You may want to be prepared for the next holiday/family gathering. Decide beforehand what the two of you would like to do before you're called unexpectedly. Sometimes holidays carry additional stress. It may be easier to invite them over sometime in Feb/March rather than wait for Easter to roll around.

Message edited 1/2/2006 8:31:18 AM.

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Message edited 12/16/2011 4:33:17 PM.