....

nm

Message edited 1/12/2013 1:57:17 PM.

Re: SD is coming between DH and I

Just wanted to let you know that I have been exactly where you are and it is very tough, feel free to vent anytime.

Re: SD is coming between DH and I

so sorry that you are going through this...i went through something similar with my SS,though he's younger. we had many fights and eventually found common ground. i read stepmoster last summer and it helped TREMENDOUSLY. it will get better, but it takes lots of time and lots of talking..sorry ur going through this :(

Re: SD is coming between DH and I

In order for a step situation to work out, the SM and DH have to be on same page. The DH has to make the kid understand that you are an adult and will be respected as such. My DH backs me up 100% and would not have yelled at me.

That book mentioned gives good guidelines.

Do you have contact with the Birth Mother? That has helped me. When my Sds act up I say "I am going to call your Mother".

I have had to say things like that too (picking up after themselves). They give me tude and I say "you must really love me b/c you are treating me like a parent!"

Your Sd would say it to you even if you were Bio Mom.

Maybe say something like "boys don;t like slobs". Or "cmon do you live in a zoo?" Something along those lines.


Good luck!

Re: SD is coming between DH and I

nm

Message edited 1/12/2013 1:57:38 PM.

Re: SD is coming between DH and I

I have thought that DSS was coming between DH and I. But the reality is some of what he does is typical of a tween anyway- here or at his mom's house.

When I really assess his ability to "come between us" it comes down to what another poster said- DH and I are not on the same page. A child can only conquer parents when they are not on the same page. I see that with my sister, her DH and their bio kids. Why should it be any different with DSS and us?

I too have pulled back and I have told DH that I do not blame DSS for capitalizing on opportunities to conquer and divide us. It is our fault for providing so many opportunities and our responsibility as adults to reduce them. I think DH is slowly seeing the light.

Message edited 7/16/2010 11:06:31 AM.

Re: SD is coming between DH and I

It has to do with her not being around that your DH does not want to spend the time correcting his daughter. This use to happen with my DH and it would really bother me but I never said anything bc I was not married nor live with him at the time. Now that I am married and that SKs live with us it's still like he leaves it up to me which is really annoying! But at least he backs me up.... I think that you should speak to him about it but wait when he is in a good mood. SKids can ruin or cause problems in a marriage if the couple is not on the same page. Is there someone from his family that can support you on this?

So sorry you are going through this It must be really tough!